Do You Think A Certian Amount Of Jealousy Is A Good Thing?

[Tyger]

So long as it doesn't get violent, or paranoid, do you think that a bit of jealousy on your SO's part is a good thing?

[nosleepnmesa]

Well Tyger.......I dont think any jealous is good and any aspect whether a little or a lot.

I was in a relationship once and the guy I was with was not overly jealous at all, just slightly jealous,but over the time we spent togeather I noticed it was getting worse, more comments made ect. and then got violent which of course took a few years. I believe that a little bit of jealous can over time become more and more.

Jealous is something I have never understond, why if you are with that person and they know it so why get jealous unless of course there as been a lie or something to break that trust in the relationship.Not saying that all jealous is due to that I just have never understond it. I am also sure that there are people who are always a little jealous and will always be jealous of something and it may never turn into a violent or stalking type. I dont know if this answers anything but myself I have never understond it and I belive life is to short for jealous and a few other things to. I think that there should never be a reason to be jealous of someone else we are all equal in a sense and should all be happy in one way or another.

[Mikayla1]

I believe people confuse jealousy with "caring" or "loving" someone - it is not the same. Jealousy is an unhealthy emotion, one where you do not have trust in your partner - you don't trust that they will be faithful to you. It really has less to do with the other person that you are jealous about than than it does your mate. You are basically saying a few things when you are jealous: 1) I am insecure about me 2) I am insecure about our relationship 3) I am insecure about you 4) I don't trust you 5) the other person is better than me

None of these things can be good in a relationship. Now, unfortunately people get jealous all the time. It is hard to see the woman on the street with the perfect, perky breasts when ours have begun to sink and not think, "damn I am sooooo jealous of her tits!" That is more innocent jealousy - it doesn't really affect you, unless you continually dwell on it. Bringing yourself down, comparing yourself to that woman, etc. Then it becomes destructive.

Conversely, when you are jealous of someone your mate is interacting with - FOR NO GOOD REASON - now, lets separate this. Sometimes our inner voice lets us know, "hey, something isn't right here" and we suspect something like an affair - then we have to separate those feeling from jealousy and check it out. The only way you will be able to listen to that voice without being told, "oh no, you are JUST jealous" is to never BE jealous! It is simple. Be confident, be secure in your relationship, and trust your partner - untill they give you reason not to trust them!

My 6 1/2 cents!

Mikayla

[ambrelyn]

I have had an issue of jealousy with my fiancee, but it's slightly different. Every once in a while I feel jealous toward his first wife. She died a little over a year ago (two months before we met) after a long illness, and I'm sometimes jealous of what they had. Of all the firsts that they shared together. My side of the relationship with him is full of firsts. It's the longest relationship I've ever had, he's my first lover, the first person I've ever considered marrying, this will be my first wedding, and when we have a child it will be my first child. But he's done all of that before with her. They were married ten years and had two kids together, so sometimes I feel like he's done it all before, and I get jealous. There isn't alot you can do about being jealous of someone who died. I talk to him about it though, and he reassures me, and says, but you're with me now, and you're the one I'll share the rest of my life with. So it makes me feel better, but I will still fall back into it sometimes.

So, no, I don't think jealousy is a good thing, but sometimes I think we can't help it. I think Howard is right, as usual , and that it has more to do with our own insecurities than anything else. I also think it's important to talk about it and not let it fester. If I had let my feelings keep building and hadn't talked to him about it, it would've created a distance between us. But when I did talk to him about it, he told me of all the firsts that he has had with me. His marriage wasn't good, they fought most of the time, bad, physical fights, partly because of the disease she had and the way it affected the chemicals in her brain. She wasn't the best mother, and apparently was boring in bed. So he's happier with me than he ever was with her. And I know that now that I talked to him about my insecurities. I think it would be awesome to have the kind of relationship that howard describes, but I think that can only come from good communication, and from always letting the other know how you feel.

[ambrelyn]

Thank you Howard. It is occassionally hard, but the kids are really great. His girl was three months shy of her third birthday when she passed and his son was six. The little girl seems to do better. She still remembers some things about her mom, but not alot. His son has a harder time with it. But they are both really great towards me. When my fiancee and I got serious and started talking marriage, we sat down and talked with the kids. We wanted to be sure that they understood that I wasn't trying to replace their mother, but that I loved them and wanted to help their father take care of them. I also make sure that I pay alot of attention to them, play with them, read to them, and such. I noticed after awhile they would start to come to me when they needed something or sometimes when they would get hurt. And now they have both told their father that they can't wait for me to be their 'new mom'. So that makes me really happy, although I realize I'll never be their real mom. I'm really ok with being a step mom. There's a chance that I may not be able to have kids of my own, at the very least it will be hard for me, so to find someone that already has kids was a good thing for me.

He is always careful to talk about their mother in a good light around them. He says the same thing that you did, at this age, especially, they don't need to know or be reminded of how she was. That's why I didn't really know all of this 'behind the scenes' stuff, or how rough it really was for him with her. So I would get kinda jealous. We were talking about it last night actually, and he was saying that people (in his family) didn't know how it was when they weren't in public, so they didn't really accept me at first, said it was too soon for him. We met only two months after she had passed. He said he thinks that's why he was able to move on so quickly, because they weren't really happy. He said it wasn't a happy marriage, it was a marriage full of heartache. But anyway, it is rough sometimes, but most of the time it's awesome. And as long as we communicate about these things that are bothering us, like my jealousy of her, then I know we'll be ok.

[sexykitty]

I started a topic on this subject awhile back and received very good advice on it. I was with a guy who i thought was being jealous but after explaining things here I seen from others point of view that his remarks etc.....was not being jealous that it was his insecurity about himself that was causing us problems. He is now my ex and im happy to be free of all that drama......jealous in anyway is not good......like one post said we all my look at someone and wish we were like them in some way but if its not something that you dwell on then thats normal but if it takes over your everyday life and its something you cant get past then its not normal and not good.

I NEVER gave my ex and reason to be what he called "jealous" he never had a reason not to trust me.......faithful til the end......his problem was if others looked at me as in checking me out or talked to me other then a friendly talk he thought I would dump him on the spot and go for them........all those fights about it all that wasted time........look where it got him.......if he was more confident and secure im sure we would still be together today cause he had many good points but that one major fault just killed our relationship.

Just my view on this.......maybe something to keep in mind if you feel jealous of your SO next time........think twice especially before you react and say something especially if it may start a fight. You really have to think am I being jealous cause of what they are doing etc.....or am I just being jealous cause im the insecure one and the other people around seem to be more then I am.

there is nothing more sexy then someone that is secure with themself

Have a nice day and happy posting to all

Kitty

[Tyger]

I use to get jealous all of the time, when I was younger. Then I realized that it just didn't help anything. And if a partner is going to cheat, there is nothing YOU can do about them cheating. They will do it no matter how jealous and possessive you get.

I would ENVY some people for what they had, look like, or whatever, and still do occassionally. But I think everyone does that. Hence why cosmetic surgery is SO popular!!

I do enjoy it when my hubby gets a little "possessive" in public, like putting his arm about me and stuff. But that's only cuz he's not an overly physical person to begin with. That, and we don't go out much now!!