Help For A Friend

[christinaf085]

OK I personally have not had many real relationships so I suggested this site to a friend who is having a hard time with his girl. I also suggested some of the toys the site offers because, he has asked me several times to help him find someone and keeps telling me he needs to get laid. I told him I think he needs to break up with her before he tries going after someone else.

This is what I know: about 8-10 months ago she cheated on him, then he cheated on her... they broke up, they got back together. from what I know they were doing good for about 6months. They used to live about 30min outside of the city we live in. About a month ago my bf and I and the two of them moved just outside the city. We were all excited to be living so close to each other, or so I though. But we haven't really hung out at all. last week was the first time he send me a text about needing to find someone new. From what he tells me she has been going out after work (she works at a restaurant and gets out around 11pm) and doesn't come home until 4am, some times later. I talked to him yesterday and she hadn't been home all night from the previous night, I guess she finally came home around 5pm but just took a shower and left again. I was friends with her and used to talk to her but I can't because she has a new phone. Which he says she must have gotten in someone else name because they couldn't get cell phones from verizon a few months ago b/c her credit was bad. and she has a verizon phone. He says he hasn't been cheating and that he just waits for her to get home. As I cant talk to her I don't know what her story is, except that they did come over 2 days ago and she would not give anyone her new number. They are engaged.

So, my advice to him was to break up with her and move on. Beyond that I had no advice and he keeps refusing to come on and get advice on his own. So does anyone have any additional advice I can give him?

[square]

I dunno, sometimes you just can't help people. He wants someone new, yet they're engaged?? What the . . ?

I agree with you he oughta cut loose from her before worrying about finding someone new.

Ultimately it is up to him to take action, and if he won't, I don't think there is anything you can do or tell him.

[Tyger]

You can't help those that won't help themselves. Until he realizes that he deserves better, all you can truly do, is offer advise when he asks for it, or starts to doubt himself. He's the only one that can make up his mind to leave. If you push it too much, he may resent you for being too pushy. I know it's super-hard to sit back and watch a person you care about, really screw up their life, settling for way less than they deserve, but, you can't live his life for him.

It sounds like she is STILL thinking that he needs to be "paid back" for his cheating, even though she already did (I don't advocate cheating to get back at anyone).

I hope he gets on with his life very soon. There is NO excuse for this woman's behavior. And, if he marries her, no offense, but he'd be an idiot. Nobody deserves that.

All I can recommend is that you be there for him when he needs it, for as long as you can. There may come a time where you will be so sick and tired of it. If you're able, hang in there. It's hard, but he'll need a friend.

[sass]

I agree with what the others have said here, and will add, that in my experience, this kind of relationship never really works. I have a friend who was faithful until she cheated on him, then he cheated on her, now they are in a marriage with a kid, and not very happy. He still cheats. I think she does, too. They have a marriage of convenience more that anything, and neither are happy. It's sad because they both deserve better - like their first few years together were - but he won't leave because of the child they have.

All I can say is tell your friend to think about how it will be later if they are already so rocky. Is that what he really wants?