Pre-marital Counseling

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Would it be a good idea for people to get some sort of counseling before they got married, to give them an idea of what to expect, that things wouldn't always be rosey, typical issues that become problems and how to deal with them, etc. and so on and so forth?

I don't have any idea how accurate this is, but I have this notion that "back in the old days," the minister would sit the prospective couple down and have a talk with them, but that that is not so common any more.

[sass]

I am new to this marriage stuff, but IMO, I don't think pre-marital counseling would really do much. It seems to me that everyone always thinks "that will never happen to us" when they start out. They could be told that times will be tough, that the communication will break-down without work to keep it open, that there will be days when you get on each others' nerves, etc. but when all you can think of is tying the knot and all the joy that comes from that, I think very few would actually listen to the warnings. I could be wrong but it seems to me that all that might happen, is a couple would be guilted into staying together even when a split might be best either out of a sense of religious obligation or some kind of duty. Don't get me wrong, I don't think splitting should be the first option, but sometimes it is the best option and I really don't think counseling before the marriage would change that.

[ladylove]

Sorry Square I agree with MsLayD. Although I can see your point, I have to say most engaged couples are in a state of..... well almost euphoria? And they don't come down until real life kicks in, which time wise is different for everyone. The only good it can do is having the words said out loud, about commitment, communication, respect, love, is that perhaps it will remind one in times of need, but I wouldn't hold my breath for that.

I'm not in a religion that has ever done any premarital concealing in practice, but I remember having friends that did. It was always a big joke. That's all I know.

[square]

Well, you both are probably right. To a large extent, people have to learn from doing, and make and learn from their own mistakes.

And I'm not really pushing this idea of counseling, but I'm not yet quite entirely ready to give up on the idea that it might perhaps possibly maybe have some benefit. People can and do learn from other people's mistakes, misfortunes, and experiences.

[mystofpric]

I think it could help younger couples. I mean, every relationship has issues right? And if your partner is already able to get under your skin, wouldn't it only help to learn the right way to confront them? I definitely think that it should be a requirement whether it be through your church or a licensed professional. It may not lower the divorce rate but maybe it could help with couples who just plain hate each other by the end. Plus it might help pave the way for more counseling later on if needed.

[SensualWoman]

I do believe that it could help some couples, but just go over others. Perhaps the best kind of counseling is just living with each other before hitting the alter. Not really for a specific amount of time, just enough to understand what makes the other tick, and how the other lives. After living with a person you might realize that the relationship is just not possible for marriage, or living with one another.

After being at the church, and seeing a young couple or two only move in after marriage, I have come to the conclusion that it ends up being way too quick. There was one couple in particular that were "so in love", and the rose colored glasses were on, but when they moved in after the wedding things just went sour. They were never really "together", and during church, I would find the husband looking at me too often. The wife was asking one of my friends for marriage advice only after one or two months! I am unaware of where they are now, since I left that church.

Before the wedding, just start moving in with the other person slowly. Bringing a couple of things over every time, or every other time. Spend most of the weekend over at their place/have them over most of the weekend. They don't have to spend the night, just most of the day. Have breakfast/dinner/supper with them. See what they do about chores, and how they do their laundry.

This is of course my own humble opinions. No harm meant. The best of luck!

[dscn]

I think I would help couples before they get married and my wife and I did this before we got married and it was great you learn some insight of what's to come and to understand each other. I really like it.