Sexual Addiction

[sass]

This may have been brought up in an old thread, but I couldn't find it, so my apologies if this has already been asked and answered elsewhere.

Please don't take this as a joke, it is a very serious situation. I know sexual addiction exists but I don't really know any more than what I can find on the net. I think someone who is very near and dear to me may be a sex addict. I don't mean someone who really likes sex; I think most if not all of us on here enjoy sex. I am talking about an actual addiction that causes problems in life just as drug or alcohol addiction would.

So, that said, I have a couple of questions:

1. Does anyone here have any knowledge of this besides the stuff I found on webmd? I know we have scholarly-types and sex educators on here, plus regular folks who have seen and experienced a lot of things. Do any of you know anything about sexual addition: How to know if a person has it, what do about it, etc?

2. How does someone tell the possible-addict in question about these suspicions without being laughed at, like it is a joke, or getting the person pissed off? I have NO experience with addicts. This is so out of my league, but the couple of people who I have discussed my concerns about this person with (they are close, not a break of confidence) agreed that I might be on to something. I found a list of questions, kind of a checklist, online and I thought about asking this person those questions without telling him/her why and then showing the results to him/her. (I took it and answered how I think this person should if being honest, and the result was that he/she is likely a sex addict.) But I am afraid this could be taken wrong and piss him/her off. Idk.

Thanks in advance to any who can offer some info.

[LilGreenPuffer]

I don't have any knowledge on the specific addiction, but I just wanted to say that twelve-step programs are amazing. I'm in one, and it's helped me a lot. It might help your friend, too.

[hyokahey]

Yes, I know quite a bit about it. There are two major schools of thought about it: pop psychology that in turn makes loads of money on the hysteria generated through various quack treatments, and then the professional schools of thought that discount there is such a thing as sex addiction. (I confess to be strongly of this latter opinion). The official world wide professional diagnostic tool called the Diagnostic Statistics Manual has no listing for 'sexual addiction' as a mental health disorder (though there are ones for drugs, etho, etc.)

In some, but not all cases, those who are engaging in compulsive or hyper-sexual behaviors may have a genuine mental health disorder, and the sexual behavior is a symptom of that disorder, not a disorder of its own. The vast variety of issues that may induce a person to have multiple, casual, sexual partners or excessive (way out of norm) sexual frequency are far too complex and extensive to describe here. If someone's sexual behaviors are causing them problems, it would require an experienced/skilled and qualified counselor to ascertain the diagnosis through a detailed symptom and history study of the individual. And yes, I am qualified to do that.

[Mikayla1]

While Hyokahey is much more professionally qualified to answer you, I also want to weigh in a bit. First, I totally believe that sex addiction is a real occurrence, although I don't believe that it is the actual 'sex; that is the addiction as much as being desired is, or feeling good. Since I personally believe that an addiction can come in almost any form (food, sex, porn, drugs) it does seem to follow that sex could be an addictive behavior.

In my opinion, whenever a need to engage in the certain behavior (eating, drinking, smoking, having sex) interferes or controls one's life, it should be termed 'addiciton.' If your friend is consumed with sex, thinking about it, having it, engaging in it. If he or she is engaging in risky behavior to feed that need or letting it damage his or her personal, social or work relationships, then I feel it is an addiction.

In that case, would you say he or she is 'addicted' to the need for sex? It is a fine line. I think about sex - a lot. I would even term myself to be hyper-sexual. I have been told quite a few times that my sex drive is unnaturally high. I love sex. I love to orgasm. I love to please and be pleased. However, I have a life, children, a career and relationships outside of sex - so I don't feel I am addicted.

Does that make sense?

[Mikayla1]

To me, an addict is someone who has trouble functioning day to day without their addiction. They take serious risks to use that addiction and feel trapped.

Exactly!!

[sass]

Thanks for the repies so far.

No, this is not just a matter of some hidden porn. This is a case of staying up until 4 a.m. looking for someone to cyber with, losing a job because of staying up until 4 a.m. repeatedly, visiting sex sites all day instead of looking for another job, destroying numerous relationships because of a need to have sex with multiple partners (and hide and sneak and lie about all of it), and that is just to name a few things.

So how does someone without a job, or insurance, or money, get help IF they can even admit there is a problem? And how do you get them to admit there is a problem? Whether it is sex addiction or something else that is causing the behavior, what can you realistically do about it?

[LilGreenPuffer]

There is a lot of free help for addiction; that shouldn't be a problem.

The problem is that you can't "get" someone to admit that they have a problem. That's something that they have to do for themselves. Sometimes they have to hit absolute rock-bottom before they'll admit it.