Bored...zzzzz

[panurse]

Hi there...

I have a question and hoping someone can help....

My husband and I have been together for 17 years and married for 14 years. While we've always had good sex when it happens...it doesn't happen enough.

My personality is more independent and dominant....however, when it comes to the bedroom, it's the last place I want to be the dominant one! I have expressed my concerns with my husband and nothing ever really changes. Sometimes I feel like I'm the man in the relationship because I want it more than he does....or at least that's how I feel.

I guess I just want that good ole' drunk sex without being drunk.

I don't know...just feeling very frustrated and upset.

[Tyger]

I'm sorry that this has been tolerated all these years. Not trying to sound pessimistic here, and I'm always open for change, open communication, and so on, especially when it comes to matters of the bedroom. I will say that, for anything to change, BOTH of you need to be willing to change it. You seem to be, is he, truthfully? There are people out there that just aren't adventurous in the bedroom, or can't fathom being "dominant" or initiating sex at all......after all "that's wrong!". Well, it's NOT wrong, but it's very hard changing that sort of mind set, unless you really TRY to change it yourself. Others usually can't Change it for you.

You've been together a very long time. In long-time marriages, there's usually a rut that we fall into, and it's hard to get out of it, unless you BOTH want to do so. If he's comfortable, and doesn't see anything wrong, he won't change it.

I didn't see how old y'all were, so it's hard to suggest age-type issues.

Is your hubby a diabetic? Depressed? Does he have a hard time getting an erection? Is he overly stressed at work, or due to money/kids/ect.? Is he overweight? All these things alone could help explain why he may not be gun-ho in the bedroom. Has he always been rather "whatever" in the bedroom, or has his sex drive tapered off?