Made Me Feel Better

[bbarney]

So I have known since i was very young that I have OCD, not like most people expect where i have to do one thing repeatedly but instead small things like playing one game endlessly until something interrupts the cycle and i find a new fixation. I also tend to do everything by fives or multiples of two, even if it makes something more difficult. At times in car rides I would even convince myself there were patterns in the numbers on roadsigns and figure out nonsensical equations in order to equalize them.

Well for a long time I have really disturbing (in my opinion) thoughts. These thoughts range from physical violence to sexual desires along a wide range of subjects. Often I appease them by thinking of plot ideas and have never ever considered actually acting on them. My girlfriend thinks im loony sometimes (by the different plot ideas i have) and finally today I looked up why these thoughts might be happening and if it is just me.

Turns out theyre called intrusive thoughts and though most people have them, in the case of OCD they become a disturbance, often so much that the person with them has to act them out to avoid the grief of the thoughts, and then faces guilt of the thought afterward. However apparently that makes the thought more compelling. The part that reassured me and brightened my mood is the fact that the difference between someone with intrusive thoughts and someone who actually needs a mental evaluation is that someone with these thoughts may even act on them, but will feel badly for doing so while someone with a mental condition thinks it is okay and doesnt feel remorse.

So yay for me cause I can come up with all the twisted plots I want because i know socially most of the ideas definitely are not okay.

[Sunday]

It may just be your creative mind at work. I admire people who can let their minds go without editing their thoughts by constantly asking themselves if it is "normal." There are many, many books I've read and movies I've seen that make me think, "Where the hell did they come up with that idea?" You could become a great writer. As long as you don't act out harmful thoughts, I don't see a problem.

[Tyger]

Ditto to what Sunday said.

As for your gf thinking you're loony, my mother has ocd, so I understand where she's coming from. However, I see myself doing some things that, once I get the thought in my head, I feel I MUST do. Silly thi gs like going to the store to get that must have (usually silly) item. So I think I have tendancies. My big thing that makes me bonkers are messes. Not sure if that is a real issue, or I am tired of y soon to be ex husband not doing any housework. Now that I'm in my own place, I feel I can leave a few dishes in the sink until I do them. I don't feel overwhelmed.

I agree though. Most people have out-there ideas. Hence where books, movies, art ect. comes from. Some choose to create something safe with it. If yoj know the difference between right & wrong, knowing what your ideas would mean morally & legally, then I wouldn't worry. Now if you start getting urges to actually DO them, that's when you may want to seek help. From wnat you wrote though, it sounds like you have a good nead on your shouldrs. :-)