Seriously. I Mean, Seriously.......

[Tyger]

I'm not one to go out to the bars, or even out to clubs to go dancing. I've turned into quite the homebody. I have a very busy job, where I have kids and adults at me all day long. The last thing I want to do is go out amoungst mostly stupid-acting people. That said, I've joined a couple of dating web sites. It's something, better than nothing.

WHY is it that if you're in a relationship, would you join a dating website? I am soooooo frustrated. I had thought I had found a really nice guy, and we were trying to work a time to get a date with. His GF found out and texted me, asking me to leave him alone, that she knew I was contacting him. I told her that I was shocked, and wouldn't contact him again, however, she should rethink his whole commitment to her if he's actively looking for someone on a dating website, and that he sought ME out. I didn't contact him first. So, she blocked my number, and his profile is no longer on that particular website.

My frustration is that this is the second time in less than a year, that this sort of thing has happened. The first one, unfortunately, was with a guy that I had already slept with, and his ex wife/live in GF texted me. Seriously. I am a magnet for this type of thing apparently. The next time I get that feeling that something isn't quite right, I will stop it. Both had legitimate reasons we couldn't spend time together, though the first one and I had agreed that we weren't wanting a relationship, just a FWB thing. So, I wasn't really bothered by it, too much.

If you're in a relationship, PLEASE do not join a dating website!!!!!! Don't waste other people's time, energy, and hopes. I thought I had wanted to go start dating again, but this second one has set me back. I'm so over the drama and bullshit. I'm so tired of the crap. Give me a freakin' break. Either stay faithful, or leave the woman you're with, if you're not happy, leave. If you're happy, stay faithful. It's really that simple.

[hawaii69]

I agree with you I've tried does dating sites but you have to pay to get a date anyway in time you well meet your soulmate an be happy the rest if your life

[RC4BLUE]

Tyger I feel so bad for you. I could never understand why any one would get on a dating site while in a relationship. It is not fair to you, his SO, or anyone. I will support your thought of if it doesn't feel right I will stop it. Please trust your feelings they are usually right. I don't believe you are a magnet for these losers. I believe they played and tricked you for their own gain. Keep believing in yourself. If and/or when it is right a relationship will come to you and be fabulous.

Unfortunately your experience does give me pause as well. I've been hesitant to join an on line dating site. Maybe I'm just not ready.

[Tyger]

I haven't deleted my account. I've had 2 others (new) be interested. There were 3 before, including the guy that has a GF, one other hasn't contacted me in 2 weeks, and that's ok. The other one, I'm not sure if he's interested or just wants to chat here and there. I've given him ample opportunities to ask me out on a date, hinting I was available, but yet, all he does is ask how am I, what am I doing, blah blah. He doesn't say much. So, I may give him a "are you even interested, or just bored?" and see how that goes. Another said he wanted to meet for coffee, but hasn't called yet (though it's only been 2 days), and another that IS contacting me on a daily basis, and so we shall see.

I'm just trying to want to try to go out more, but I'm still really wary of most men. It's sad that I'm not really wanting to take the risk. But I am trying to keep in mind that not all men are the same. I just want someone to prove me wrong. It seems that all the good ones are taken.

[hawaii69]

Tyger what u is yo make sure that you are enjoying your life an making sure that you be happy inside an out an make sure your going out having fun an enjoying life . Don't worry about dating. But your right the good guys are taken an they are hard to find . Just enjoy life an you well meet the right man

[Tyger]

I thought I found a really good one 2 weeks ago. We had 4 dates. Talked/texted every day. Yes, we slept together. It was great! After we slept together, he was like "I really want to try this out and see where it goes", making me feel really good. An hour later, he tells me that an ex of his that he dated 6 mos ago just contacted him and now he's confused again. WTF??? Are you KIDDING ME??

I know 4 dates isn't a lot of time. I'd made time to see him, which, if you have kids/visitation situations, you know it isn't easy. Met some of his friends, and he met my sister who liked him (she's a hard judge of character).

This was almost a week ago. I feel very bummed and slightly used. I had to disclose the whole herpes thing, and he said he was fine with it. If you've never had to do something like that, you have NO idea how hard it is to do. It opens up a part of you that you try very hard to keep inside and protected. I really thought that this man had extreme potential. Apparently, again, I suck at seeing things that I should see.

He said he'd give me some time before trying to contact me again. I would've been better with this, had he not said a bunch of stuff that seemed promising right after we had sex. I can handle a FWB's situation if I'm mentally prepared for it. I was in no way prepared for this. I told him that I was NOT going to be in competition with anyone, nor was I going to be anyone's second choice. He really didn't know how to handle that. I know I'm worth more than that. I told him I wasn't going to beg, nor was I desperate to be with someone. If he wants to be with me, he'll be with me.

I'm now rebuilding the damages done to the walls around my heart. I know, a couple of weeks is really nothing. But for me to open myself up, after years of being alone even in my marriage, and attempting to open myself up, takes a lot, and he really had stirred something inside of me.

I'm sorry if this sounds like whining, because I don't want to sound like I'm a whiner.

So, another helpful hints to guys out there:

If you're possibly hung up on someone, regretting breaking up with someone, and/or just unsure if you are ready to date, please don't put anyone thru what I am going thru. You want to know why women build walls up and are hard to get to know? THIS is exactly why. We have to protect ourselves. Women WANT to love. I've been talking to one of the members on here that is also having to do this whole dating bullshit. She made a great statement: To open ourselves to love, we have to also open ourselves up to the possibility of being hurt.

I'm not sure if I want to open myself up again. I'm rebuilding the walls to help me protect myself. It's going to take a strong, persistent, caring, sincere man to tear them down. Any man worthy of me will be up for the challenge.

[RC4BLUE]

Tyger, putting yourself out there is difficult. To risk intimacy is to risk being hurt. I know this first hand as well. To lay bare things you want to keep hidden can be painful. It hand to be very hard for you to share those parts of your life and then feel like you were being stepped on. I wish I could give you a hug and tell you to take care of yourself and keep strong.