Members Harpy6 Posted August 14, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted August 14, 2014 I'm looking for people to talk to and better understand what I'm feeling. I'd like to talk with people around my age too...but hard to know who is and isnt.Rc4blue thanks I have brought up before the difference in are desire levels and he just gets angry. So then I drop the topic. I'm just worried about things and trying hard to make things better or more enjoyable for him...by trying things he has wanted to do even when it make me uncomfortable. This forum is great and so far everyone has been really nice and welcoming Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bigcock Posted August 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 15, 2014 Hi Harpy, every relationship has its ups and downs. mine is not the best by no means. i have been with my girl for 24 years and i am not turned on one bit by her anymore.As a matter of fact , i have told her to leave me but she wont. She know she has it made living with me. I am a good provider and she knows it.I cant even fuck her anymore. My cock wont fit, lol !! but thats not everything in a relationship, by no means. She does keep my house clean , takes care of the animals , cooks and helps my mom out a lot , shes 80 so i really respect that. I have fun on timid talking and reading also. One day your hubby might wake up and see what hes missing, hopefully. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RC4BLUE Posted August 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 15, 2014 I am sorry he gets angry when you attempt to talk about you sexual life and pleasure. I am a fan of trying new experiences and having people come with me on my journey for pleasure. I encourage it. However I am cautious when there is discomfort. If the discomfort is around pushing a boundary or trying something new, then I will try it or want to push myself. If the discomfort will put me or my partner in pain (emotional or otherwise) I will have very clear boundaries. I also believe that if I am asking someone to push a boundary, I must be,open to pushing a few of my own. Anal sex was one of those a few years back. My partner wanted to use a strap on with me. At first I said no. Seeing her desire I said let's give it a try. Just seeing her pleasure, and her ability to penetrate me was a huge turn on. Since then I have been open to this type of play. Semi public sex was one of her cautions. We played at it. Then we had a hotel with a large balcony on a high floor. We used it for some of the best sex we ever had. After that we would find very discrete places to have sex with the possibility of being caught . She would sometimes ask for us to find a place. It was one of her areas of discomfort until we tried it. Pushing boundaries is fine. I just would not want to see you get hurt by pushing a boundary you are not ready to push or one that feels dangerous for you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted August 15, 2014 Report Share Posted August 15, 2014 Wow! \What an active topic!!!First off, welcome to the forum! It's great that you're wanting to expand your sexual escapades with your husband.I wanted to put some advice in here since I do have experience in most of what you've been saying.First, I've done anal play on my ex, and had it done to me. The few men that I've tried it with (except one) have been very patient and understanding about my reluctance with anal play. I have only used small toys at this point for me. However, I have used harnesses and dildos on my ex. It's HOT!!! We had talked about anal play (which is something that usually comes up in most relationships anyway). We first tried it on me, which we both liked. Eventually, he brought up the subject of wanting to try it himself, but, like most men, he was worried that it may make him seem like he was "gay" if he tried and liked anal play. Which it doesn't mean that at all, BTW. So, we tried some small things first. I let him try my small toys (my favorite was a small glass butt plug). He tried different things, with me, and solo, to see which ones he preferred. Then we invested in a harness, which we both loved!The conversations regarding anal play is up to you how to address them with each other. You married this man, so you should know how to discuss some sexual things. Saying something like "If you fuck me up the ass, I get to fuck you up the ass" may not be as well received since it sounds almost like a challenge, unless you say it right.One thing I will insist on, is that, when playing anally, do NOT double-dip. Meaning, do not put a toy up your ass, then either inside your vagina or up his ass, without first washing the toy really well with soap AND water. Double-dipping can cause infections.The key to toys and/or anal play, is BOTH of you being open-minded. Some people think that toys are replacing them in the bedroom. They are not intended to be replacements, but ENHANCEMENTS. Allow each other to explore themselves and you with the toys. Do not make each other feel guilty for playing with themselves. The BEST way to find out what you like sexually, is to play with yourselves.As far as the quickies and then getting on electronics to play games, that was a MAJOR source of contention between me and my ex, and one of the reasons we grew apart. He would do his thing, after ignoring me for a long time, then go back to playing his XBox. I kept trying to talk with him about it. Using the electronics as replacement conversation, and ignoring you for them is a serious issue. Trust me. At the end of my marriage, I was ready to take that XBox and shove it up his ass, since he wanted to be on that more than on me. There is something that they call this addiction, but I'm not sure what. But it can be very serious.Anyway, I hope that you're able to get things going and more and more exciting. Good luck!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Harpy6 Posted August 15, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted August 15, 2014 You are both very helpful. I'm willing to push my comfort boundaries for him because I love him. There are just some things from our past together that makes certain things uncomfortable for me. But now that we are married I'm trying very hard to not let those things bother me anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted August 16, 2014 Report Share Posted August 16, 2014 I guess it depends on what those issues are that make you uncomfortable (I'm not asking you to share, only if you want too).Many people are excited about the IDEA of marriage, but have no idea what it truly entails. Trust, friendship, communication, caring, a willingness to make compromises, trust, love, respect, and trust. Yes, trust is mentioned 3 times. LOLYour husband also has to work on the marriage too. Just one person working on any concerns, issues, or even every day stuff, won't make a marriage work. It has to be a team effort.Using toys can be fun and exciting. Role playing can be fun too. For all or any of these things to work, communication is key.I hope you read over some of the topics in here and if you have any questions, please ask away!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Harpy6 Posted August 16, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted August 16, 2014 I posted in the relationship forum about the main issue I have. And thank you its nice to have people to talk to and to not feel alone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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