Tempted, How Do I Get Over It?

[VALERIE]

WHAT SHOULD I DO TO GET OVER THESE MIXED FEELINGS. I FEEL WIERD JUST TYPING IT? I KNOW MOST PEOPLE WILL SAY JUST DO IT, BUT IT'S NOT LIKE THAT FOR ME. OK I'M NOT SAYING IT'S BAD, OR THAT I HAVE NOT DONE IT, BUT I STILL FEEL LIKE SEX ACTS ARE MEANT FOR COUPLES. THEN IF OR WHEN I GET OVER IT WHAT TOY DOES A GIRL NEED?

THANKS FOR THE ADVICE. I DID IT & IT WAS GREAT. ONCE I STARTED THERE WAS NO STOPPING ME.

[Mikayla1]

Let me see if I can clarify your question, cause I am a bit confused....are you asking what kind of toy to recommend because up until now you have not brought toys into your relationship because "sex is only for couples?"

If that indeed is your question, let me first assure you that bringing a sex toy into your relationship does in NO WAY negate anything that you have with your partner! You are still having sex with your partner - you are just supplementing the foreplay or adding something extra to the mix - or perhaps getting something for your "solo" moments - this is not at all detracting from your sex time!

So, if that is what you are asking, I have questions back to you:

1) Couples toy or solo toy?

2) Insertion or non-insertion?

3) Simple and easy or does it all?

4) Allergies to rubber, latex?

5) Do you want realistic or non-realistic?

Get those answers and we will get going on this!

Mikayla

[Valntyn]

I, too, was a little confused by what, exactly, your question was. I had a couple other thoughts after reading Mikayla's post. Hopefully somewhere or another you find the answers you seek.

From the subject title of your post, it sounds to me like you're asking if pleasuring yourself (masturbation) is "okay." All I can say to that is: HECK YES! And you shouldn't feel embarassed doing it, either. It can seem kind of weird the first few times you explore yourself to see what feels great, but just remember this: it's just you there... there's no reason you should be embarassed in front of yourself! It's a great way to get fulfilled, relax, or just learn what things feel good on you. In turn, you can tell your partner the things that feel good being done to you. Also, I would guess that if you started pleasuring yourself in front of your partner, they'll totally get aroused from it! It's a win-win situation, unless you start doing it so much you feel you don't need your partner anymore. *chuckle*

In your mini-profile (to the left of your post), you indicate that you already have a few toys, so I'm assuming (hopefully correctly) that you use these during your encounters with your partner, yes? Toys can be a wonderful addition to solo-play, too! Give your fingers a break (it IS quite the work-out for those fingers, isn't it? ) and try a vibrator or a small clit-stimulator, or smaller yet, a bullet.

I hope this helps!

[chickenmom]

Valerie: I'm relatively new to this forum also. Thanks to Howard and Mikalya, Katpurr and everyone else, I took their advice and finally had my first orgasm at the age of 37. Now that I've achieved the big O, I want sex all the time. Being as my husband is 44, he is actually asking me for a break now. My how the tables have turned. I'm trying to make up for 37 years as quickly as I can!! In any case, before recently, I would have NEVER even considered touching myself, much less masturbating alone. Now, it's daily. I'm experimenting with myself in several ways that I never thought I would. It's so worth letting you enjoy yourself. Let go and take the plunge. You will be so glad you did.

[VALERIE]

Let me see if I can clarify your question, cause I am a bit confused....are you asking what kind of toy to recommend because up until now you have not brought toys into your relationship because "sex is only for couples?"

If that indeed is your question, let me first assure you that bringing a sex toy into your relationship does in NO WAY negate anything that you have with your partner! You are still having sex with your partner - you are just supplementing the foreplay or adding something extra to the mix - or perhaps getting something for your "solo" moments - this is not at all detracting from your sex time!

So, if that is what you are asking, I have questions back to you:

1) Couples toy or solo toy?

2) Insertion or non-insertion?

3) Simple and easy or does it all?

4) Allergies to rubber, latex?

5) Do you want realistic or non-realistic?

Get those answers and we will get going on this!

Mikayla

# 1 SOLO TOY

# 2 INSERTION

# 3 DOES IT ALL

# 4 NO ALLERGIES

# 5 REALISTIC

I'M I GUESS IT SEEMS WEIRD TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF BY MYSELF. BUT I DO WANT TO. IS THERE LIKE EASY STEPS TO GET PAST THAT PHASE? OR SHOULD I JUST NOT DO IT? HELP.

[VALERIE]

I, too, was a little confused by what, exactly, your question was. I had a couple other thoughts after reading Mikayla's post. Hopefully somewhere or another you find the answers you seek.

From the subject title of your post, it sounds to me like you're asking if pleasuring yourself (masturbation) is "okay." All I can say to that is: HECK YES! And you shouldn't feel embarassed doing it, either. It can seem kind of weird the first few times you explore yourself to see what feels great, but just remember this: it's just you there... there's no reason you should be embarassed in front of yourself! It's a great way to get fulfilled, relax, or just learn what things feel good on you. In turn, you can tell your partner the things that feel good being done to you. Also, I would guess that if you started pleasuring yourself in front of your partner, they'll totally get aroused from it! It's a win-win situation, unless you start doing it so much you feel you don't need your partner anymore. *chuckle*

In your mini-profile (to the left of your post), you indicate that you already have a few toys, so I'm assuming (hopefully correctly) that you use these during your encounters with your partner, yes? Toys can be a wonderful addition to solo-play, too! Give your fingers a break (it IS quite the work-out for those fingers, isn't it? ) and try a vibrator or a small clit-stimulator, or smaller yet, a bullet.

I hope this helps!

THANKS FOR THE ADVICE. I THINK I AM EMBARASSED. I'M EMBARASSED TO SAY I AM, CAUSE WHEN IT COMES TO SEX I DON'T HAVE PROBLEMS DOING MOST THINGS & I ALWAYS GIVE MY PARTNERS FULL PLEASURE. WELL I ONLY HAVE ONE PARTNER NOW, BUT B 4 MARRIGE I WAS VERY PERMISCUOS, & I HAVE ALOT OF EXPERIENCE & STILL CONTINUE TO IMPROVE WHATS NOT BROKEN. N E WAYS OFF SUBJECT. I THOUGHT MASTERBATION MIGHT GIVE MY MAN A BREAK. I'M A LITTLE TOO MUCH 4 HIM. I CAN'T MASTERBATE IN FRONT OF HIM ALL OF THE TIME CAUSE, HE WILL START & FEEL LIKE A FAILER NOT ABLE TO FINISH. HE CAN ONLY CUM 3-4 TIMES A WEEK. NE WAYS THANKS FOR THE INFO.

Valerie: I'm relatively new to this forum also. Thanks to Howard and Mikalya, Katpurr and everyone else, I took their advice and finally had my first orgasm at the age of 37. Now that I've achieved the big O, I want sex all the time. Being as my husband is 44, he is actually asking me for a break now. My how the tables have turned. I'm trying to make up for 37 years as quickly as I can!! In any case, before recently, I would have NEVER even considered touching myself, much less masturbating alone. Now, it's daily. I'm experimenting with myself in several ways that I never thought I would. It's so worth letting you enjoy yourself. Let go and take the plunge. You will be so glad you did.

I GUESS I BETTER NOT WAIST ANY MORE TIME. SEEMS EVERYONE IS FOR IT & I DON'T FEEL ALONE IN MY FEELINGS OF QUESTIONING MASTERBATION ALONE. I'M GLAD TO HEAR ITS NORMAL. THANKS

[VALERIE]

What is this claim that he can only cum 3-4 times a week? Does he have a weak heart? Is he on some medication that prevents him from engaging in sex? If there is no medical reason for limiting his physical activity he sounds like a LAZY lover, who just doesn't want to be bothered. If he is obese, he may have trouble with the needed exercise that goes along with making love, but that can be cured by more exercise, and I can't think of any better exercise than having sex!

Young men can cum 3-5 times a day, and often much more. I could still do that when I was in my 40s. I suspect that I would have no trouble doing so 3 times a day now, and if I got back in regular practice, I might be able to go back up to where I was. I enjoy sex. I enjoy the smell and feel of women, the feeling of being close, the feeling of giving pleasure to someone I love. I enjoy playing with her. And, I enjoy the fact that she loves to play with me. That is all that should be needed to inspire a man to have sex more often. If he is feeding you that line, call him on it. He's either a louse, or some guy who has something going on the side with someone else. Clear the air with him, and insist that he spend more time with you. That is his job, after all. Its what he promised with he took his vows.

I GUESS I BETTER NOT WAIST ANY MORE TIME. happy.gif SEEMS EVERYONE IS FOR IT & I DON'T FEEL ALONE IN MY FEELINGS OF QUESTIONING MASTERBATION ALONE. I'M GLAD TO HEAR ITS NORMAL. smile.gif THANKS wink.gif

Masturbate because you want to pleasure yourself, and learn more about your own body, and sexual self. Don't do it because you want to give your husband a break. Its outrageous that he is not willing to step it up! Don't let him get away with that nonsense. He should be thrilled that you have decided to confront years of repressed feelings and are now enjoying sex. He needs to make love to you more often so you can get used to the new " you ". Along the way, a new " him " will also emerge, and it will be good for him, too.

ME & MY HONEY HAVE BEEN MARRIED OVER 7 YEARS. I HAPPEN TO BELIEVE ITS ME ASKING FOR MORE THAN HE CAN HANDLE, IT'S NOT THAT HE DOESN'T TRY OR DOESN'T WANT ME. IT IS THE SIMPLE FACT THAT HE CAN'T CUM MORE THAN 3-4 TIMES A WEEK, & SIMPLY GETS FRUSTRATED WHEN HE CAN'T CUM. I WOULD FEEL THE SAME IF I COULD'NT HAVE MY O'S. & I DON'T ONLY WANT TO SELF MASTERBATE FOR HIS LACK OF ANYTHING. ITS SOMETHING I SIMLPY HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO BE COMFORTABLE WITH DOING ALONE. SOMETHING I WANT TO BE COMFORTABLE WITH. PLEASE TELL ME U GET WHAT I'M SAYING.

[Mikayla1]

OK, I can give you everything you need - the Glittering G-Spot Vibe! This is my all time favorite vibrator - it is dual action - so great for clitoral and insertion - it is realistic enough, it is powerful and it always gives me an O in 30 seconds or less. They should be giving me a stipend cause I reccommend it so damn much.

http://shop.tootimid.com/index.asp?PageAct...ROD&ProdID=4674

That will do it for you every time - and your man will love to watch you with it as well!

Mikayla

Valerie,

Let me ask you this about your hb, when you are having sex, and you say he "can't cum" do you mean he literally can't realease? I would think, that would be a good thing! You seem to like sex - A LOT - and if he can last a long, long time then it is good.

Now, if he really can't ejaculate at all - that is a medical condition, but I can't remember the name, and you might want to see his Dr. I would say that there is nothing wrong with playing alone - I do it too - but I might want to see if your hb wants in on some of the action too! DOn't think that he doesn't want sex - there may be other issues here.

Or, perhaps he should masturbate with you - solo - and see if that helps!

Just suggestions.

Mikayla

[VALERIE]

OK, I can give you everything you need - the Glittering G-Spot Vibe! This is my all time favorite vibrator - it is dual action - so great for clitoral and insertion - it is realistic enough, it is powerful and it always gives me an O in 30 seconds or less. They should be giving me a stipend cause I reccommend it so damn much.

http://shop.tootimid.com/index.asp?PageAct...ROD&ProdID=4674

That will do it for you every time - and your man will love to watch you with it as well!

Mikayla

Valerie,

Let me ask you this about your hb, when you are having sex, and you say he "can't cum" do you mean he literally can't realease? I would think, that would be a good thing! You seem to like sex - A LOT - and if he can last a long, long time then it is good.

Now, if he really can't ejaculate at all - that is a medical condition, but I can't remember the name, and you might want to see his Dr. I would say that there is nothing wrong with playing alone - I do it too - but I might want to see if your hb wants in on some of the action too! DOn't think that he doesn't want sex - there may be other issues here.

Or, perhaps he should masturbate with you - solo - and see if that helps!

Just suggestions.

Mikayla

HE REALLY CAN'T & IT FRUSTRATES HIM. I DON'T TRY TO PUSH HIM KNOWING ONLY I WILL BE SATIFIED & ESPECIALLY KNOWING IT WILL END UP LIVING HIM FRUSTRATED & NOT MANLY. THOUGHS ARE HIS WORDS NOT MINE. HE HATES NOT FOLLOWING THROUGH & I GET NO PLEASURE OUT OF BEING LEFT IN THE DARK, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

[allit]

HE REALLY CAN'T & IT FRUSTRATES HIM. I DON'T TRY TO PUSH HIM KNOWING ONLY I WILL BE SATIFIED & ESPECIALLY KNOWING IT WILL END UP LIVING HIM FRUSTRATED & NOT MANLY. THOUGHS ARE HIS WORDS NOT MINE. HE HATES NOT FOLLOWING THROUGH & I GET NO PLEASURE OUT OF BEING LEFT IN THE DARK, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

Is he on anti-depressants or blood pressure meds. Certain types deminish the ability to get hard or cum. This was not a problem with my once every 4 years ex, but my new wife likes it about 5 times a day. It did not bother me because I loved doing her orally, she is a total fantasy, but it bothered her. I changed to others and it was a total delight. With regained sensitivity I realized how great it felt to be inside her. Of course still 5 times a day is beyond my capacity to cum so we still do alot of oral.

[VALERIE]

Is he on anti-depressants or blood pressure meds. Certain types deminish the ability to get hard or cum. This was not a problem with my once every 4 years ex, but my new wife likes it about 5 times a day. It did not bother me because I loved doing her orally, she is a total fantasy, but it bothered her. I changed to others and it was a total delight. With regained sensitivity I realized how great it felt to be inside her. Of course still 5 times a day is beyond my capacity to cum so we still do alot of oral.

HES NOT ON ANY MEDS. THANKS FOR SHARING YOUR INFO