To Tell Or Not To Tell

[kar]

I just purchased my first sex toy at 50 years old and I love it. I have an orgasm after 5 or 10 minutes. I was masturbating and it sometimes took 30 minutes to cum.

My husband doesn't know about the toy. I am using it on the sly when he's golfing or away on a biz trip. Should I tell him about it?

I'm afraid he will be intimidated and not let me use it. Or he'll feel not adequate. I'm just finding it harder and harder to have good orgasms the old fashioned way. He gets his all the time including blow jobs, and I feel cheated. We have sex 4 times a week but I don't always have an orgasm, but he does.

Help

[me4now]

howard is right about not telling just yet i have friend whos been married for 10 yrs and she has never masturbated until about 3mos ago.

we were out having lunch and she shared with me that her sex life with husband is not as exciting like its use to be and that she bought a toy but have not use it because she thought that was cheating. now let me back up for a moment the reason she thinks ther sex life is not excited is she doesnt know how to tell him what feels good or not good and she read an article that said " the only way to please yourself is to know yourself spend time intimately to see what gets you going" and thats when she purchase the toy.

she finally tried the toy for about 1 month and loved it she eventually told her husband he was shocked but she explain that she wanted to learn something new to turn him on and that it will never replace him but it taught her how to please even more. he was hesitat she said but after watching her it did turn him.

[VALERIE]

I TOO HAD THE SAME FEELINGS ABOUT TOYS ALONE. I GOT THAT PART, BUT STILL HAVE NOT TOLD MY HUSBAND. I FEEL EXACTLY WHAT YOU FEEL, ABOUT SHARING THIS TOY INFO. I'M SURE I WILL TOO GET COURAGE ENOUGH TO TELL HIM, AS I'M NOT ONE FOR SECRETS BETWEEN US. I WILL LET YOU KNOW WHEN I GET OFF OF THE BOAT WE SEEM TO BE SHARING. LET ME KNOW IF YOU DECIDE TO JUMP OFF.

YOU WILL KNOW WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT. TILL THEN HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOOD LUCK

[Mikayla1]

Did I really read that right? Did you actually write "he won't LET me use it?" Um, honey, how can he NOT LET you use YOUR sex toy?????? I mean, if you bought it, you enjoy it, then use it. Your man has no say so in whether you use a toy. Sure, it would be nicer if he gave his blessing in a way, and played with you, enjoying your pleasure. However, if he can't do that - then TOO DAMN BAD! Women need to get over this hang-up of pleasing only their husband's during sex. We need to please ourselves AND our partners.

I think that sex toys can help us accomplish that during solo time and partner play. Men should get into the mindset that sex toys can help them enjoy us more. IF we are being pleased we are more apt and able to please YOU. My hubby LOVES to watch me get off while playing with toys. We don't always use toys - but we do use them frequently. He is not intimidated or worried that because my toys can get me off quicker that he will be replaced. He loves to give me oral sex and finger me - so he looks at it as a chance to do it longer if it takes me a bit longer to get off with just him at the helm!

Men shoud stop rushing through sex and start enjoying foreplay and intimacy in general. If they did, sex toys would become their friends instead of their foes!

So, if you have just started to live a full sex life at 50 - don't regress - play with your sex toy and BE PROUD! Use it, share the experience with your SO - and if he can't get on board with it - too damn bad. Be an assertive person - we all deserve happiness and orgasms!

Mikayla

[kar]

It sounds like your husband is a standard issue model, short on foreplay, short on pleasuring you, but always getting his rocks off. I am glad you have changed that. Use the toy to train yourself to better understand your body, and how to relax and have lots of orgasms. You have obviously cut the time it takes to reach orgasm down from 30 minutes to 5 or 10. Congrats! Now you need to get it down to under 30 seconds. Mikayla and others here have sung the praises of the G-spot glittering vibrator, that get her and the others off to a climax within 30 seconds. Now that is a great toy! The best part is that women, like you, who have experienced some difficulty in reaching orgasm have reported getting very easy orgasms with that toy. Great Testimonials!

Once you gain experience and knowledge about your own body, how to make it relax, and how to reach orgasm easily, you will be able to move him to help you get there faster, too.

Do you tell him about the vibrator? If I were you, I would not tell him now. Use it to learn about yourself. Despite your age, you really don't know enough about your own sexuality. Most of the married women here report masturbating often even when their husbands will be home later. It never hurts to warm up the engine before entering the race! When you have learned more about yourself, and that toy becomes a very useful play thing, then you can talk to him about toys. I was " introduced " to toys by a lover, accidentally, because I almost lost my balance on her waterbed, and in attempting to keep from falling, I grabbed for a side rail, missed, and my hand went down along the mattress where I came into contact with her vibrator. I pulled it out, thinking it might be a lost flashlight, and was amused at what it really was. She was embarrassed. I told her this was a surprise, but instead of being angry, I asked if it worked, and how to turn it on. As soon as I turned it on, I put it to her groin. She gasped and began climbing towards another orgasm. I didn't see it as competition, but as a great assisting tool to use to get my lover more orgasms. The happier she was, the more she wanted to have sex with me. I won both ways. If he starts in about toys being competition, just tell him you have been using a vibrator yourself for _________, and he never noticed. You just want to add it to your adult play time, so he can rest a little, while you have lots of orgasms. Nothing replaces the real deal. A vibrator is better than nothing, but its not the same as the body of a loving man, either.

[kar]

Thanks for all your responses. It's funny cause I ordered the g spot glittering vibrator already. Can't wait to get it. You are so right, what was I thinking, it's my body and if using a sex toy gives me pleasure that should make him happy, or not. I may not be giving him enough credit cause I do tell him what I like, he knows how to make me cum but as I said it's a bit harder at this age for some reason, libido or hormones who knows. Or maybe I've just been telling him the wrong things!

I'm not quite ready to let the toy lose on him yet, but I've been hinting at my new sexual interests. Like I want sex everyday and now with the toy the more the better.

The cheating thing nah that didn't bother me. It's just all so new. What I know now I wish I knew 33 years ago. Oh well, here's to a orgasm filled "rest of my life"!

I'd love to experience multiple orgasms but it just doesn't happen for me. Maybe this new toy will help with that!

[allit]

I think sex toys are great. Just sent a few more out to my wife in the Philippines. They can be great alone or are a great enhancer.

Take care,

Kirk