Members Cyn Posted August 6, 2016 Members Report Share Posted August 6, 2016 My hubby and I have been together since high school. Only the last couple of years have we started to sexually explore what really turns us on. I am interested in having a third but we have kids and I want to know more before I go in that direction. So that's why I joined. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members PhotoChic Posted August 6, 2016 Members Report Share Posted August 6, 2016 47 minutes ago, Cyn said: My hubby and I have been together since high school. Only the last couple of years have we started to sexually explore what really turns us on. I am interested in having a third but we have kids and I want to know more before I go in that direction. So that's why I joined. What do you mean by a "Third"? A third person join you both for sex? Or a "third" child? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Cyn Posted August 6, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted August 6, 2016 A third in our sex life. Not sure how it would ultimately work yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Review Team l8niter Posted August 7, 2016 Review Team Report Share Posted August 7, 2016 Hi Cyn First off Welcome to the tootimid forums, There is a topic on here about threesomes there is a lot involved in having one and I recommend reading it, it would be very helpful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Cyn Posted August 7, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted August 7, 2016 Thanks. I've begun but there's a lot there. I'm not making any decisions until I have all the facts. I have three kids and I want to make sure that no one gets hurt, including whoever comes into our relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members krisleightate Posted August 7, 2016 Members Report Share Posted August 7, 2016 Welcome to the forums. And always remember with anything sex related, honesty and being open to all parties involved needs is key. Read and ask questions, someone will surly be able to help :-D 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Cyn Posted August 8, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted August 8, 2016 Thanks for the advice. I have a lot to figure out before I start looking for someone. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Cyn Posted September 9, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted September 9, 2016 So an update for those who are interested. My hustand has changed his mind and is no longer interested in allowing us to have a threesome and now considers just talking to others about having sex is considered cheating. I'm at a loss. I understand that he's proud that I have never been with another person and he wants to keep it that way, but to say I'm cheating when I talk to people on the chat site? WTF? So for now I have to ask myself some pretty hard questions and see where I go from here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Cyn Posted September 9, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted September 9, 2016 GC you're not the only one dealing with that. I was never really bothered by it until only recently when I realized it's a strong form of manipulation. Not sure how it'll work out. I sometimes wish I had a knight in shining armor to save me from everything but I'm a grown woman and I'm my own hero. I just have to make a decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Cyn Posted September 9, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted September 9, 2016 It just makes me wonder if every body goes through this sort of thing and I'm just needing to push through it or if I am in an unhealthy relationship that needs to be ended. Its so gray. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Cyn Posted September 9, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted September 9, 2016 Thanks for sharing with me. I'm trying to realize what I will face for another 20 yrs if I stay. My husband does have a legitimate disorder but if I have to live through bouts of verbal abuse every few months for the next few decades that's not working for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Cyn Posted September 10, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted September 10, 2016 Thx Wen I know that my husband and I have more issues than I realized at the beginning of all this. It seems to have opened up a can of worms that I never realized was there or that I denied was there. Now I'm questioning everything. I've been reading old posts about threesomes and notice many signs that a threesome would be the end of our relationship. I'm trying to figure out what I want. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members krisleightate Posted September 10, 2016 Members Report Share Posted September 10, 2016 *hugs* I am sorry Cyn. I wish I had more advice to give you about what is going on in your life. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Cyn Posted September 10, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted September 10, 2016 Thx Kris. It helps to get it off my chest. Thx to everyone for listening. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted September 11, 2016 Report Share Posted September 11, 2016 Hey there. Welcome to the forums. I know you've been here a while now, so sorry I missed this. I'm a school secretary, so this last month and a half has been so chaotic for me! I've missed a lot!!! First, I'd be interest to know if he was OK with the 3some being ok if it was with another woman, but not a man. Just out of curiosity really. That could exp Yes, 3somes can be successful in an open, totally disclosed relationship. It takes a VERY secure couple to be able to do this, whether only once, or a long-term thing. It takes a very very very secure relationship to do a 3some for a long term thing. If your husband has some mental issues, this was NOT a good thing to suggest. Again, it takes a VERY secure couple to be able to participate in a 3some, and anyone with mental issues usually has a lot of self-consciousness about it, and is insecure. If he's been insecure for a while, again, not a good thing to suggest, and he may be a bit resentful that it was a suggestion, even if he was for it at first. That's how I think of it anyway. Now, even if he has a mental issue, that is NO excuse for him to abuse you verbally, mentally, or physically. A happy, healthy marriage requires 2 willing people to work at it. It sounds like that your marriage is NOT a stable or happy one, so a 3some is not a realistic thing to be looking into. If you're not happy, and if he is being abusive, and if he's unwilling to get help like counseling/medication, you really need to think about other options for you and your kids. For your mental well-being, and your kids as well! If you want to stay with your husband, and still want to explore, you can possibly use toys as a fun substitute for another person. Name a dildo, and "introduce him" to your hubby, and have him play with you with "him". Or, get a type of masturbator for men, name "her", and play with "her" with your husband. It takes a bit of creativity, but it can be fun!!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Cyn Posted September 11, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted September 11, 2016 I realize it now. I think I needed to figure out why I needed this. It showed me what I'm lacking and how I was trying to fill a void not just to spice up the bedroom. I'm in counseling now and it's helped a lot. Still working on where to go from here. My husband is fine now but he has triggers so it could be a year from now or a day from now and he'll blow up again and I don't want to go through it anymore. We keep his verbal anger from the kids but I'm tired of being his emotional support. I learned so much from this group. I appreciate everyone's support. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbie Pleasurethegame Posted October 6, 2016 Newbie Report Share Posted October 6, 2016 Hi Cyn, Coming from a guy I think the best thing you can do is take the time to talk to him. Ask him why he feels that talking to people in chat forum is considered cheating? See how he responds maybe giving him access to your account so he read and participate might put him at ease but communication with him is the most important. Best of luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Cyn Posted October 8, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted October 8, 2016 We've talked and his issue is that there are guys on the site. So pretty much he's telling me to stop being on the site. I like talking with people but I can't leave my family over this. So I've got to think about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members michelleddd Posted October 8, 2016 Members Report Share Posted October 8, 2016 Is he in therapy with you? I'm sure he's feeling like you want to change the rules after all this time, you're not happy in bed and you're talking to strangers about your sex life. I'm not saying either one of you is right or wrong but how would you feel if he was doing the same things? Yes this place is a good way to express yourself without being judged and figure things out but...... it can also go the other way, behind the scenes discussing that can turn into new attention that is exciting and addicting but not really real at the same time. No one wants to hear only the negatives but when we let our wants and needs slide so long it can be a bitter pill to the person who needs to step up their game. He needs to face this with you and fix what he can if he wants to save your marriage. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Cyn Posted October 8, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted October 8, 2016 He doesn't believe counseling works for him. It actually would be fine with me for him to talk to others. I'm not the jealous type. Not sure what that means about us. After being together for 20 yrs I realized that I'm not the same person that he fell in love with. I'm having to figure a lot out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members michelleddd Posted October 8, 2016 Members Report Share Posted October 8, 2016 (edited) Not sure why most men say that, I guess they don't really want to open up as much as needed to fix things. I do understand about not being the same or wanting the same things you did at 20 as you want at 40. Happened to me in my first marriage, he didn't take it well either, wanted to keep the status quo and not have to admit the things that contributed to the place we were in. Have you asked him if he'd rather lose you than participate? ps forgot to add that I'd feel betrayed if my SO was discussing our personal life with another woman. Edited October 8, 2016 by michelleddd add ps Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Cyn Posted October 9, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted October 9, 2016 Well I told him what I was doing of course. He didn't say he had a problem with it, in fact he encouraged me, because I have no one else to talk to. Because of the way he is I don't keep close friends. They can't deal with him. He and I have tried counseling together. Since he has serious mental issues due to a brain injury it doesn't really work. He always thinks that the counselor is picking on him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members michelleddd Posted October 10, 2016 Members Report Share Posted October 10, 2016 Sorry to hear it, hopefully you can get it figured out one way or the other. Life is too short to be unhappy. Very openminded of him to agree to you talking to others and posting pics of yourself in the first place. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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