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getting wife to let loose


ttom1957

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I would love to have another man join in sex with us. been married for 40 years and I am only man shes ever had..She loves sex but can not get her to be ok with another man.

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Does she give you a reason?  What's important is that you don't make her feel pressured.  A friend of mine said to whisper what it would be like if another male was in bed while you're in the middle of having sex.

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Guest Mrs.BettyCrocker

Hey ttom1957! 

I would suggest that rather than focusing on bringing another man into the picture, start with toys! I'm obviously biased, but toys are a lot more fun that the drama that can come from adding a person in! Outside of the possible soap-opera-esque dramatics we see depicted in pop culture, there may be other reasons your wife is hesitant about the idea of adding a third to your bedroom. 

Your wife may feel uncomfortable with the idea of "cheating" even if you've given consent and are there. Plus, you never know how actually seeing your wife in the act with another may affect you. She may be concerned that you'll be upset with her or become jealous after the fact, even though you were fantasizing about it in the first place. I know personally that even though I may like the idea of something, reality doesn't always match up to fantasy. 

Your wife may also be afraid! There is a lot to be concerned about as far as finding a safe partner to play with, and if you're the only man she's ever been with, then her sexual vocabulary may be a lot smaller than yours. I'm guessing based on the age you have listed that your wife must be in her late fifties, which after 40 years of marriage would have put you both right around 18 or 19 when you got married! (sorry my math isn't the best, if I'm way off base here then ignore me!) If she had the typical sexual education of an American teen in the 60's and 70's, then she was probably told very little about sex, except that she should not have it until marriage, and then not to ever have sex with anyone else or things would be BAD. Those kinds of ingrained lessons can cause a LOT of anxiety, even years later. 

If you're both open to toys, I'd suggest a realistic dildo! You can use it on her, you can watch her use it, or you could use it while having sex for a double-penetration/three-some experience. It could be a great way to quench your thirst, get her interested in opening up sexually and may eventually lead to a more relaxed attitude about the possibility of a threesome! 

Hope that was helpful! Feel free to shoot me a message if you have any questions! Thank you for posting and for choosing TooTimid! 

- Ali from TooTimid

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Hey Tom,

Are you just getting bored and want some excitement or the thought of seeing her with another man is a fantasy?  Would you be involved or just watch?  This is something I've fantasied about however it's obviously a huge step for a marriage and ensuring that everything will stay the same afterwards. 

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