First time chatter

[TooTallDenver]

Howdy online bloggers!  As the title suggests, first timer here and trying to get some advice and help to "spice" up things in the bedroom.  I'm 33 and have been married to my wife for nearly 10 years now.  Love her dearly however when it comes to the bedroom, we are two very different people.  She has been with about 5-6 guys before we meet after college and was sexually active since her freshman year.  She enjoys sex, however she'd probably give it up completely for a full time house keeper and a fully paid vacation every other month ;).  Myself on the other hand, I have been sexually active since I was 15 and have been with nearly 30 women before meeting my wife.  Having sex/making love/feeling that animal like sexual energy is something that's always in the forefront of my mind.  Don't get me wrong, having sex with my wife is great, however missionary for the last 10 years is running it's course.  I have to give her credit that she is trying and every now and then let me do something totally crazy like stick my finger halfway in the backdoor once the juices are really flowing, but that's about it (and we're talking for about a second or two folks).

 I am straight and love everything about the female body, however I have had other experiences with men and couples and have stretched my sexual limits and loved every second of it.  For the last few years, I have read all the blogs and books on how to "spice" things up in the bedroom; handcuffs, games, toys, stranger at a bar, blah blah blah...  Every attempt just ends up with a half hearted attempt to make me happy, then she cums, I cum and we go wash up.  

I'm not suggesting I'm going to go behind her back with another women or try Ashley Madison or something, however I feel like I am drowning in the bedroom.  I love her more than anything, however no matter what I try, it feels like I am stuck doing the same thing in the bedroom for the next 50-60 years of my life (god willing).  I know for a fact I'm not the only man to go through this and would love some advice or anything else that might be helpful.  Obviously I have fantasies of the "threesum" that probably every guy does, however I also have fantasies about seeing her with another man, watching another couple right in front of us and really anything in between.  However I'm fully aware that anything like that can cripple a marriage if both parties aren't 100% comfortable with it (I'm not even sure I would be but we're 1000 miles away from having that conversation now anyways).

OK, I'll stop rambling on and hope there are some more experienced folks out there that would like to chat/share their experiences.  Thanks in advance and hopefully this will be the first post of many!!

Much love,

Denver

[krisleightate]

Welcome TooTallDenver! 

My best advice is talk to your wife and tell her what you are wanting, make sure she is listening not just hearing you.  Maybe have her read some articles about spicing it up.  Also, don't take this in any wrong way as that I don't know what you do or don't do in your home, remember that some women feel overwhelmed by being wife/mother/housekeeper/worker and that can lead them to not want to do anything in the bedroom.  Also maybe get her on the forums too.

Hope that helps.

Kris

[Guest Mrs.BettyCrocker]

Hi TooTallDenver!

It can be incredibly frustrating when you need something in the bedroom, but don't feel like you're able to accurately communicate what you want to your partner, or that your partner is unresponsive to your attempts, though its definitely a positive sign that your wife is trying! Obviously I think the first step is a frank discussion with your wife about what exactly you want, what you need, and what you can compromise on. One thing I can't stress enough is that she cannot read your mind, and may not understand how much of an issue this is for you. 

Since the bulk of her sexual experience was in college, and from what you describe it's unlikely these were the "expand your sexual horizons" sort of encounters you've had, she may not really know what it is she likes in bed! You say you've read up on ways to "spice it up" but it was unclear to me whether or not you've tried using any sex toys, so if not, a great introductory option might be a vibrating cockring!

Vibrating rings generally have a bullet vibe which will stimulate her clitoris, possibly bringing her to a more complete climax and piquing her interest in more sex! You can also use the ring as an excuse to try different positions, since many women seem to like being on top, as a way to direct the vibrations more completely onto the clit! Another benefit of a c-ring is that it will cause you to last longer, allowing for a little more time to experiment! 

krisleightate makes an EXCELLENT point, that sometimes (especially for women, but also for men) it can be difficult to get out of "mom/worker/housekeeper" mode and get into the idea of sex. You don't mention the division of work going on, but if she's overwhelmed with day-to-day life, that may also get in her way. 

A suggestion I may make would be to talk to her, pick a day, and make it as romantic as possible. Get home before her and clean up the house, lay out some sexy lingerie you know she likes or get her something new she'll be comfortable and confident in! Open a bottle of wine, throw on the Barry Manilow, and seduce her! If you do like sex toys, shower her with attention or just give her oral until she cums! It's going to require some unrequited effort on your part, but if you take the time to show her the things you like I'll bet she comes around and puts more effort into pleasing you. If you know sex isn't a high priority for her, then show her how much of a priority it is to you, and how wonderful it can be! 

On a side note: Please don't bring up a three-some just yet! You're 100% right that it can cripple a relationship if both partners are not on board, and your wife does not sound ready to broach that topic! 

I hope that is helpful! Please feel free to shoot me a message if you have any questions or need any suggestions on particular products! Thanks for posting and joining the forum! 

-Ali from TooTimid

[l8niter]

welcome to the tootimid forums tootalldenver ,  GirlCrush is right as you can see there are a lot of people on here with answers to your questions as well as very good advice.

Most of all just have fun with it

[scubadiv1951]

I can relate to what your saying for the most part. Sex sometimes becomes so routine at times, with work and a busy schedule that neither one of us seem to be focusing on each other as couple and enjoying sex for what it's meant to be.A loving sharing relationship. It's like ," ok, I'm kinda in the mood , are you, " ? It's late lets get it over with so we can get some sleep". I find that when that happens it makes me feel like there's more to it then that. Even though my wife and I were having sex about 3-4 times a week, and a great loving relationship. I'm 65 still in very good physical shape. I just recently retired and still have a very intense sex drive. Wife is almost 60. I'm sometimes more then she can handle, sometimes since were not always in the same frame of mind, or in the mood as much as me. So I decided that it was time to change up my approach to make sex, more enjoyable and pleasurable for her and  the both of us.  

    I have found that setting the mood is very important. I like to burn scented candles, and play smooth jazz ,and have a bottle of wine handy. We have a 29 gallon fish tank in our bedroom. I usually turn on the hood light to night mood, which gives kind of a black light effect in the room with cool shadows. That helps to get her in the mood. She comes out of the bathroom naked coming to bed and I can watch the silhouette of her body as she walks towards the bed. A real natural mood setter for me.  Once she gets in bed, I like to make her feel loved and appreciated. I hold her close and kiss her and tell her how much I love her. I myself enjoy a lot of foreplay and I have found that it really helps intensify the emotions were feeling. I enjoy fingering her clit playing with her vagina and massaging her nipples and licking and sucking them with my tongue. I make sure she cums, before moving on. By this time she is slowly stroking me, and my cock is on fire. 

    I'm not finished by any means. In the past there was none to very little oral sex. She never seemed interested and I never bothered to even approach it. But over the past year I decided it was time to actually go in that direction. at first It was awkward asking her all the time if she wanted it, or could If I could  lick her pussy, but now she loves it and can't wait for me to  ask. I love oral, and can go for ever, or as long as she wants it, or until she starts to get a little sore from the play. I can't tell you how many times she comes in a 30 min. period but I know it's a pretty big number.I don't have to ask. Her soft moans and soft crying says it all. Once I have satisfied her with my tongue, she accommodates me in the same way. I prefer not to cum orally. I let her get me ready and then its time to get down with the real thing. Instead or the regular missionary position we have both taken a real liking to the doggie style position. She gets on all 4's on the edge of the bed and I enter her wet dripping pussy from behind, and it is unbelievably fabulous. Were both a little wore out by the end result, but we both have a smile on our faces and fall asleep in total bliss. There are still a few things I would like to try with just the two of us, and that will come in time. I have learned no matter how old you are your never to old to try new things and enjoy sex to the fullest! Just by changing a few simple things with your approach and setting the mood !! Neither one of us have enjoyed sex more in a long time, without having to change this too much !!!!    PS : Sorry for the Long rambling here in case I put some of you to sleep !