Taking A Just Sex Relationship To The Next Level

[jgallicchio]

Hi there everyone. I'm in a "just sex" situation that if isn't really just sex anymore because I have feelings and I think he does too. He whispered that he loved me and brought it up to ask if I really heard what he said. When I asked him if he meant it, he said he didn't know but that he felt comfortable saying it. We've been going on like nothing has changed but in reality that changed everything. I want to see if he's interested in seeing if we could be more than "friends with benefits" but I want it to seem like it was his idea as I think being really straightforward might freak him out...any suggestions that anyone can give me would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

[Tyger]

My FWB and I, I believe anyway, started having feelings for each other, but we never expressed them, and in so-not doing, went our seperate ways. Sometimes I wish I'd been more honest with him about it all.

If you decide to be more open, then definitely do NOT sound like you're accusing. Just tell him that you think that this relationship is starting onto a next level, and if so, are you both willing to explore that? If he (or you) just wants to continue to have sex, maybe the person NOT growing more deeper feelings should go elsewhere, since someone could probably get hurt sooner rather than later.

Good luck!!

[ambrelyn]

but I want it to seem like it was his idea as I think being really straightforward might freak him out

I think he already brought it up with the 'i love you' question. When he asked you later if you really heard what he said, that tells me that he meant it or at least meant that he had deeper feelings for you. It wasn't just a 'heat of the moment' thing, or he wouldn't have brought it up later. I think you should tell him something like, 'you know, i've really been thinking about what you said the other night, and i think i might like to take this to the next level and see if it'll work out between us, if you're comfortable with that'. Then it's all based on what he said the other night. If he says he's not sure, then I would say 'well let's take it slow and see how it goes.' I really think he started this conversation with his comments. If he wasn't interested in more, I don't think he would of said what he said or brought it up again later in a non-sexual setting.