I Hope This Is Just A Phase!

[jenniferkelsey@earthlink.net]

Hi, I am new to the boards! But there is a very specific reason why I am here. My husband and I rarely have sex - mainly because I don't want to. I haven't had any urges for a very long time (I don't even masturbate anymore....I threw away my toys!) and when I do decide to try having sex with him, it is a horrible experience for both of us. Either it is too dry or too wet and I seriously feel numb inside - like he isn't even in there. So, here are the contributing factors that I need advice on.......

**When I gave birth to my son 2 years ago, I ripped and was sewn back up. This made sex painful for a while.

**I am a full-time mommy that works part-time during the evenings and weekends and am SO tired.

**I am being treated for mild depression with Celexa, which I have read can cause the lack of a sexual appetite.

**I am also being treated for Endometriosis and had surgery 6 weeks ago.

I know that all of these things are making it difficult for me to want my husband, but I feel bad. We're not as close as we used to be because there isn't any intimacy. I am a little nervous and embarassed to talk to my doctor. What should I do?

[Kirk]

There are people on this board that can help you more than I can, but my wife also had an epsiotimy and it took a LONG time before she could have pain-free sex. It has been 4 years since our 2nd son was born and I am still waiting for her sex drive to come back. The only way that I survive is that she gives me a LOT of handjobs or if she is truly exhausted she will let me jack off on her lovely butt or tits. I know that doesn't help you, but it might keep your marriage happy. I am pretty sure the meds and depression are a big part of the problem. It will get better, just take it one day at a time. Good luck.

[ambrelyn]

As Kirk said, there are probably alot more qualified people on here that could give you advice about it. The only thing I could think to suggest is to try switching things up a bit. If, when you do try to have sex, you're doing the same old thing every time it might make a difference. Try some light bondage to switch it up, or try having sex in an unusual place or unusual time. As I'm sure Howard will recommend, try getting up early after a good night's rest and have sex first thing in the morning, in the shower or just somewhere new and spontaneous. I think couple's can get stuck in a rut and that can really put a damper on your sex drive. My opinion anyway.

Also, don't be embarrassed about asking your dr about it. That's what they're there for, and that's what you're paying them for. They get enough of our money, we should get something out of them. Maybe there are some alternative medicines you could take that wouldn't affect you this way. You never know unless you ask. Hope this helps some.

[allit]

You might want to switch anti-depressants. Mine totally diminished my sex drive. However, even though I had no sex drive at that time, I had no problem doing my wonderful asawa 3 to 5 times a day orally and with toys. It made me feel so good to give her pleasure.

[crznbye]

I'm certainly not an expert... but I'll add in what has helped for me.

I' go thru phases where I lose interest. And I have been on meds that killed my sexual appetite. As others have suggested, I'd give DH sympathy sex occasionally, blow jobs, handjobs, etc. Also, I found reading erotic stories then getting DH's attention helped get me in the mood.

Communciation is also a big turn on for me. Even last night, we were out at a restaurant for dinner and we were talking about sex toys and other sexual things. Just having the light conversation over dinner and drinks, when we got home we were both hot.

And if you are working and being a mommy to a toddler you will be exhausted. Find time for yourself. Find time to relax. I know this is hard, but even if you can find a friend or playmate you can take your son to for you to relax. Get your husband involved and have him take baby duty while you get some rest or even get a good bubble bath and relax.

Good luck