Members Highroller8 Posted February 18, 2020 Members Report Share Posted February 18, 2020 Wife has a quality not quantity outlook on sex, meaning 1-3 times a week. i want to know how I can change that approach, without cheating! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Fun guy Posted February 18, 2020 Members Report Share Posted February 18, 2020 I'm in a similar situation! I feel like at times it's once a week. I've tried introducing toys and things into our sex life, some things she likes but others she hates. I'm trying to get past with her the taboo of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Highroller8 Posted February 18, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted February 18, 2020 Yup , same here... I feel her sex drive is a lot lower than mine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted March 26, 2020 Report Share Posted March 26, 2020 In many instances, especially with older women, our hormones get out of whack (yes, the dreaded word menopause), work, family, friends, and other responsibilities, can really kill a sex drive. As can medications. The "quality vs. quantity" aspect is actually is a good one. At least it's not a closed issue, right? I mean, some people think that even bad sex is good sex.....not for most women. What's the benefit for a woman if they have sex, even with their loving partner, if there's little to no pleasure (the ultimate goal-"O"), what's the point? I mean, you wouldn't like it if you got a blow job, or had sex, and didn't get your orgasm, causing blue balls, right? Well, believe it or not, women can have discomfort and sometimes pain, without getting to their goal too. Sometimes, women can dry up, or, ache when their organs move to get ready for sex, and then have to move. It's rare, but it's happened to me a few times. It's uncomfrotable. If she wants quality sex, then, you are going to have to take time to seduce, excite, and please her more regularly. Trust me. It's worth it! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members twin spirits Posted March 26, 2020 Members Report Share Posted March 26, 2020 Don’t use a water based lubricant as they actually dry the skin. There are plenty alternatives out there that will keep her delicate skin moist and comfortable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members twin spirits Posted March 28, 2020 Members Report Share Posted March 28, 2020 On 2/18/2020 at 11:48 AM, Highroller8 said: Wife has a quality not quantity outlook on sex, meaning 1-3 times a week. One to three times a week is not too shabby. A lot of married people would trade places with you in a heartbeat. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Bigirlhaggen Posted March 28, 2020 Members Report Share Posted March 28, 2020 I agree that is when masturbation comes in to play sweetheart 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lil_mrs_kitty Posted June 9, 2020 Members Report Share Posted June 9, 2020 I can honestly say I've had sex with my husband 5 times this year. 2 months it was twice. Last year I pretty much don't have the heart to ask anymore. I would never step out on him cause other than that we have a awesome marriage. At times I struggle to satisfy myself. I'm just miserable. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted June 9, 2020 Report Share Posted June 9, 2020 On 3/28/2020 at 10:53 PM, Excited said: This happened to my wife after menopause. All she did was complain about pain. No matter what I did. I could give her that big O and she would say We should do this more. Then when I asked she said No it is painful. She hasn’t allowed me to touch her in years now. I understand pain but it sure does not seem fair. I masterbate all the time. I am so ready to have sex with someone. After I had my daughter, I had a pain, up inside, where I could actually feel a small dry spot on my cervix, and it caused me immense pain. I had to get some cream for it, and apply it daily for a certain amount of time, and it cleared up. I can't remember the condition my GYN told me it was, but it is common in white women especially for some reason. Now, if something up inside your dick hurt, you would avoid sex as well. But I do agree with you, years is way too long for her not to go to her GYN and get some info, meds, advise, something, to clear it up. That's just an excuse until she actually goes in to see what's going on. It's b.s. that she's strung you along like that, and not expecting you to be a little, um, miffed!! If you're not using any silicone based toys, or condoms, then maybe see if a silicone based lube would help. It lasts a long time, and it does create a lot of slickness. A little goes a long way!!!! That's one reason silicone based lubes are used for anal play (since the anal area doesn't self-lubricate). I do not agree about the water-based lubes drying out your skin opinion, having have been using water-based lubes for years, and never had that problem. However, with water-based lubes, the body does absorb the water, especially if you're lacking moisture to begin with (like a sponge). So, you may need to use more water-based lubes more often. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted June 9, 2020 Report Share Posted June 9, 2020 2 hours ago, Lil_mrs_kitty said: I can honestly say I've had sex with my husband 5 times this year. 2 months it was twice. Last year I pretty much don't have the heart to ask anymore. I would never step out on him cause other than that we have a awesome marriage. At times I struggle to satisfy myself. I'm just miserable. Why doesn't he want to have sex with you anymore? You can't say for 6 months he's been "too tired" all that time...... An awesome marriage has to have a rounded relationship sweetheart. Meaning friendship, co-parenting (fi there's kids), and bonding, meaningful, loving sex. If you have no sex, it's more like a friendship, or roommate situation, and that's a marriage lacking, IMO. No, barring no medical issues, or him being actually away at work for weeks on end, like the oilfield workers, then what seems to be the reason for no sex? My ex husband worked on an oil rig for several years of our marriage. He as gone one week, home the next. We still had sex when he got home. I waited a day or so, so he could rest, unless he came to me first. But we had sex. If you're feeling neglected sexually (and you should), it's not like you're being selfish for asking what's going on, and why doesn't he want you. It's a reasonable question, and you honestly should be asking him. And, you should tell him honestly, how you're feeling. Don't make it a guilt trip, and if he says you are doing that, tell him you're not, but you feel that you deserve to be made love to more often than a couple of times a year. He's not Al Bundy. LOL Let us know how it goes!! Best wishes!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AB_CA Posted June 9, 2020 Members Report Share Posted June 9, 2020 Try morning sex. Like as soon as you wake up. 😉. Don’t wait for it... just go for it!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lil_mrs_kitty Posted June 9, 2020 Members Report Share Posted June 9, 2020 13 hours ago, Tyger said: Why doesn't he want to have sex with you anymore? You can't say for 6 months he's been "too tired" all that time...... An awesome marriage has to have a rounded relationship sweetheart. Meaning friendship, co-parenting (fi there's kids), and bonding, meaningful, loving sex. If you have no sex, it's more like a friendship, or roommate situation, and that's a marriage lacking, IMO. No, barring no medical issues, or him being actually away at work for weeks on end, like the oilfield workers, then what seems to be the reason for no sex? My ex husband worked on an oil rig for several years of our marriage. He as gone one week, home the next. We still had sex when he got home. I waited a day or so, so he could rest, unless he came to me first. But we had sex. If you're feeling neglected sexually (and you should), it's not like you're being selfish for asking what's going on, and why doesn't he want you. It's a reasonable question, and you honestly should be asking him. And, you should tell him honestly, how you're feeling. Don't make it a guilt trip, and if he says you are doing that, tell him you're not, but you feel that you deserve to be made love to more often than a couple of times a year. He's not Al Bundy. LOL Let us know how it goes!! Best wishes!! He has ED and no libido. I've seen him get upset every time it's showed it's ugly head. He is old fashioned when it comes to sex too. I have my toys but for awhile I think he was threatened by them. Months back he actually brought it up to the doc again. She gave him Viagra. The last 2 prescriptions have laid untouched. Years ago he did try it but complained of headaches. Tried a cock ring and he complained about his hair pulling. It's funny that he acts like his penis is so sensitive but yet foreplay nonexistent and he is like a jackhammer or he goes limp. I know also his antidepressants don't help. I take them too. But dang. He tells me all the time I'm beautiful and he loves me. Sex wise I've never met anyone like him. He made comments before but I think also he's insecure about his body. More often than not he jokes and comes across awkward when it comes to sex. He's 130# soaking wet. He's been asked before if he was sick. But for me I'm a passionate person and everyday I'm wanting him. I'm always checking him out. Daydreaming. It even went as far as the doc suggesting a physiologist. He said he wanted to but as I expected he never even called one. After 13 years of it getting worse and me always being the one to try to fix it...its sad he hasn't noticed I quit trying. I struggle with my weight a little. When I loose weight and feel better about myself my sex drive is through the roof. This year I had let myself go so I basically would be numb in that area of my life. But my blood sugar gave me a warning to stop. Been losing weight and Feelings and needs are back and I'm writing this crying.. I'm so sorry I'm sure on this site this is not what you are all here for. Tyger I thank you for caring! 💞 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members square Posted June 11, 2020 Members Report Share Posted June 11, 2020 On 6/9/2020 at 12:53 PM, Lil_mrs_kitty said: ... I'm so sorry I'm sure on this site this is not what you are all here for ... No worries, this site covers it all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Highroller8 Posted July 15, 2020 Author Members Report Share Posted July 15, 2020 On 6/9/2020 at 12:53 PM, Lil_mrs_kitty said: He has ED and no libido. I've seen him get upset every time it's showed it's ugly head. He is old fashioned when it comes to sex too. I have my toys but for awhile I think he was threatened by them. Months back he actually brought it up to the doc again. She gave him Viagra. The last 2 prescriptions have laid untouched. Years ago he did try it but complained of headaches. Tried a cock ring and he complained about his hair pulling. It's funny that he acts like his penis is so sensitive but yet foreplay nonexistent and he is like a jackhammer or he goes limp. I know also his antidepressants don't help. I take them too. But dang. He tells me all the time I'm beautiful and he loves me. Sex wise I've never met anyone like him. He made comments before but I think also he's insecure about his body. More often than not he jokes and comes across awkward when it comes to sex. He's 130# soaking wet. He's been asked before if he was sick. But for me I'm a passionate person and everyday I'm wanting him. I'm always checking him out. Daydreaming. It even went as far as the doc suggesting a physiologist. He said he wanted to but as I expected he never even called one. After 13 years of it getting worse and me always being the one to try to fix it...its sad he hasn't noticed I quit trying. I struggle with my weight a little. When I loose weight and feel better about myself my sex drive is through the roof. This year I had let myself go so I basically would be numb in that area of my life. But my blood sugar gave me a warning to stop. Been losing weight and Feelings and needs are back and I'm writing this crying.. I'm so sorry I'm sure on this site this is not what you are all here for. Tyger I thank you for caring! 💞 The struggle is real and in one form or another it’s the same, I know there’s a lot more than sex in a marriage but it’s also a reason why it ends in cheating and divorce. I wish there could be an acceptable way, tried masturbation , but that sometimes makes me more frustrated! Thanks to all for your advice and in put, lil mrs kitty , sounds like you should be my neighbor! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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