Spanking

[riv]

I absolutely love to spank a woman's ass till its really pink. I have done this to several girls who liked it as much as I do. While they lay across my lap I can finger their pussy and ass at the same time I'm giving them a good spanking. I like to be spanked too. As long as no one gets hurt, its a real turn on to me but my wife will have nothing to do with it. Any suggestions? I'm adventurous in lots of other ways too but she isn't. After it passes oral sex the adventure is over for her,it's really boring to me and we don't even bother most of the time. I like toys....she doesn't...I like to be fingered in the butt ... she won't do it....I like my nipples played with....nope. You get the message....Help!

[ambrelyn]

Like Howard said, I think the most important thing to let her know is that it's about pleasure, not pain. The idea is to heighten her sensitivity not beat the crap out of her. She needs to really understand that. Make sure you let her know about safe words. If she's willing to try it, pick one out, something you wouldn't normally say during sex or during this kind of play. Some women like to get into character and say things like no, stop, or please don't. You need to come up with something like grass or chair or elephant. Something that is unusual and will stand out. Also tell her you'll go slow. Don't turn her ass pink the first time. Build up to it gradually. Make sure that you give pleasure as well. Pause during the spanking to carress her ass or tickle her with a feather or something. Let her see how much more sensitive it makes her and how good that can feel. Even if you were planning to do all of this, sit down with her and make sure she knows. There's alot of fear involved in this kind of play, especially for women. They think you'll get carried away and go to far. They also think it's really bad and wrong to like that kind of thing. I struggled with that myself. I'd been raised that a man was never supposed to inflict pain, of any degree, on a woman. But secretly that's what I craved. You may have to go slow, to help her get over some of those thoughts. The main thing is to not scare her. The first sentence of your post would be scary to any woman who hasn't ever tried this kind of thing. You just really need to sit down with her and talk to her about it. I think if you can talk to her and get her to try this, making sure to go slowly, that she'll open up to other things too. Once she realizes that it's all for the sake of pleasure, and there's nothing wrong with wanting any of the things you listed, she may be willing to try more. It's all about playing with and pleasing each other. She needs to understand that. Showing her this site would be a good place to start.

[riv]

Like Howard said, I think the most important thing to let her know is that it's about pleasure, not pain. The idea is to heighten her sensitivity not beat the crap out of her. She needs to really understand that. Make sure you let her know about safe words. If she's willing to try it, pick one out, something you wouldn't normally say during sex or during this kind of play. Some women like to get into character and say things like no, stop, or please don't. You need to come up with something like grass or chair or elephant. Something that is unusual and will stand out. Also tell her you'll go slow. Don't turn her ass pink the first time. Build up to it gradually. Make sure that you give pleasure as well. Pause during the spanking to carress her ass or tickle her with a feather or something. Let her see how much more sensitive it makes her and how good that can feel. Even if you were planning to do all of this, sit down with her and make sure she knows. There's alot of fear involved in this kind of play, especially for women. They think you'll get carried away and go to far. They also think it's really bad and wrong to like that kind of thing. I struggled with that myself. I'd been raised that a man was never supposed to inflict pain, of any degree, on a woman. But secretly that's what I craved. You may have to go slow, to help her get over some of those thoughts. The main thing is to not scare her. The first sentence of your post would be scary to any woman who hasn't ever tried this kind of thing. You just really need to sit down with her and talk to her about it. I think if you can talk to her and get her to try this, making sure to go slowly, that she'll open up to other things too. Once she realizes that it's all for the sake of pleasure, and there's nothing wrong with wanting any of the things you listed, she may be willing to try more. It's all about playing with and pleasing each other. She needs to understand that. Showing her this site would be a good place to start.

Thanks for the reply. I never really worded it to her as bluntly as I did here on the fourm. As I said before I did it a lot with my ex and she liked rough talk but of coarse I never hurt her during play.(or any other time). We played the "bad girl" game or as I said before "bad boy" game quite often. I'd never want to beat the crap out of anyone. If I came across as too rough ....sorry... I didn't mean it that way. I just like to do different things and have fun, Again Thanks.

[ambrelyn]

No, no, I didn't mean to say that that's how you really feel. Just that it's very important to explain to her that it's about pleasure, not pain. That a little bit of pain can make the pleasure soooo much more intense. Sorry about the confusion. I think you're on the right track. I would suggest to you to tell her she could go first and spank you to see what it's like, but I gather that you've probably done that already. I was also thinking that maybe you could start with some light bondage. See if she'll let you tie her up just for pleasures sake, no spanking or pain involved, just teasing. Always, of course, having a safe word so she can end it if it's too much for her. Maybe that will set her on the road to becoming more daring. Or let her tie you up. These may seem like baby steps to you, but I think if you could convince her to try it, you will eventually work up to all that you want. Once she realizes it's all for pleasure, she may be more open to it. Get on the internet together and come to this site and read all the posts and articles about this kind of thing, or print them out for her if she won't come on here. I think it will help. Good luck.

[Tyger]

In everything, communication is key. If you just joke around and say "lemme spank ya" and she says no, then she may not be taking you seriously.

I noticed you are 55 yrs old. Is she about the same age? Was she brought up strict and/or sheltered? She may have never had a more adventurous guy? She may think of being spanked as abusive or demeaning.

My mother is 62, and I know if I tell her about somethings she may not understand or believe in, I get the look of absolute "why the hell would ANYONE want to do that???" I don't talk to my mother about sexual stuff. That's just a part of my life, and hers, that is none of each other's business. Anyway!!

Now, if she's not even willing to try anything new, just do the Deed because she has to, then she is being selfish. Not only to you, but to herself as well.

Making love with your SO should be FUN! Not a chore. It should be understanding, wild, crazy, loving, adventurous, familar, different, and safe. Maybe not all at the same time, except the safe part.

Now, if, for some reason, you are able to get her to try it, and she doesn't like it, then you must respect that. Everyone has different things they like. She's your wife, and so you should be willing tyo try new things for you (and possibly her pleasure) and respectful of her wishes, and as her husband, she should want to try and please you and respectful to her as well.

Good luck.

[riv]

In everything, communication is key. If you just joke around and say "lemme spank ya" and she says no, then she may not be taking you seriously.

I noticed you are 55 yrs old. Is she about the same age? Was she brought up strict and/or sheltered? She may have never had a more adventurous guy? She may think of being spanked as abusive or demeaning.

My mother is 62, and I know if I tell her about somethings she may not understand or believe in, I get the look of absolute "why the hell would ANYONE want to do that???" I don't talk to my mother about sexual stuff. That's just a part of my life, and hers, that is none of each other's business. Anyway!!

Now, if she's not even willing to try anything new, just do the Deed because she has to, then she is being selfish. Not only to you, but to herself as well.

Making love with your SO should be FUN! Not a chore. It should be understanding, wild, crazy, loving, adventurous, familar, different, and safe. Maybe not all at the same time, except the safe part.

Now, if, for some reason, you are able to get her to try it, and she doesn't like it, then you must respect that. Everyone has different things they like. She's your wife, and so you should be willing tyo try new things for you (and possibly her pleasure) and respectful of her wishes, and as her husband, she should want to try and please you and respectful to her as well.

Good luck.

She is only 41 years old. I am a very young 55 and still have lots of life left in me. She , as I said is 41 and older than I am. You are right , Sex should be fun and safe but over the years it has become more of a chore to the point that I don't even try much any more. I do try to talk to her every now and then and it seems to me that her fire just isn't there, in other words there seems to be a tremendous lack of desire most of the time and if we do do anything there's not much passion there on her part. Ever try to fuck someone who wasn't there? She takes meds for depression and I know that is part of it but I have come to a point that I need much more that I'm getting and I really don't know how to get blood out of a turnip so to speak. I do still love her if I didn't I'd be gone and she says she loves me but I'm really not sure anymore. It's not just spanking... if she can't handle that, then ok I resepct that but I need loving, I need to be hugged, I need to be told I'm loved, I need to be touched and I need sex. There is still fire in my furnace. I have always been told that I'm above average in the lover dept, even by her years ago. I feel I'm a loving husband and carry more than my load so I don't understand the problem with fucking like minks, spanking ass fingering ass, sucking my dick , I'm all for a healthy sex life. I'll do about anything she ask, ....all she has to do is ask as long as it's not filthy. I just want a healthy sex life with my wife and the truth is it's just not there. I'm about ready to look elsewhere which I've never wanted to do but I don't know how to turn this around.

[chickenmom]

Don't go elsewhere!!! You'll cause irreparable damage to your relationship. Once you go down that path, it is likely that your marriage will end.

As far as getting her to be more adventurous, it will be difficult but not impossible. Many years ago, my husband bought a plain jane vibrator for me. It did nothing for me. After that, he never tried buying another toy. Every now and then he would ask me what I like. I couldn't answer him because I didn't know. Sex became a chore for me because I wasn't getting satisfied. If you ask him, he'll say that he tried to have conversations; he tried toys, etc. etc. Not really. Men and women communicate very differently. I really wish my husband would have just went nuts at a toy store and "made" me try them. It would have saved me 16 years of dissatisfaction.

What about setting up a date, and then having an assortment when y'all get home? I little alcohol, mood music, flowers, the works all laid out for her. Women are very insecure creatures and we need to be reassured about ourselves.

There's always the non-direct approach about printing the forum and leaving it for her with a note for her to please read it. Let her know that it would make you happy for her just read it and think about it. As my husband always says: He's not a mind reader. Let her know what is going on in your mind.

Keep us posted.

[riv]

Don't go elsewhere!!! You'll cause irreparable damage to your relationship. Once you go down that path, it is likely that your marriage will end.

As far as getting her to be more adventurous, it will be difficult but not impossible. Many years ago, my husband bought a plain jane vibrator for me. It did nothing for me. After that, he never tried buying another toy. Every now and then he would ask me what I like. I couldn't answer him because I didn't know. Sex became a chore for me because I wasn't getting satisfied. If you ask him, he'll say that he tried to have conversations; he tried toys, etc. etc. Not really. Men and women communicate very differently. I really wish my husband would have just went nuts at a toy store and "made" me try them. It would have saved me 16 years of dissatisfaction.

What about setting up a date, and then having an assortment when y'all get home? I little alcohol, mood music, flowers, the works all laid out for her. Women are very insecure creatures and we need to be reassured about ourselves.

There's always the non-direct approach about printing the forum and leaving it for her with a note for her to please read it. Let her know that it would make you happy for her just read it and think about it. As my husband always says: He's not a mind reader. Let her know what is going on in your mind.

Keep us posted.

I Would like to take a minute to tell everyone who has replied to me thanks. This site is really great and provides insight not avalible anywhere else that I know of. I haven't strayed yet but I have been over a year more than one time during my marraige with nothing. I understand what you say about communicateing but if there is something that I have or have not done or need to do more or less of then I want her to be out spoken.....we all know I am. She can tell me if I have failed her in bed and I'll fix it. I also know that what goes on outside the bedroom affects what goes on inside. AS your hubby says i can't read her mind but as Howard said, I think the antidepressants play a big role too. My problem is that I too am human and I need her to try to understand my need as I try to understand hers. With that being said, I take everything everyone here says with gradtitude but I am going to drop the subject and stop bitching.

Thanks Again for letting me vent.

[michemor]

I absolutely love to spank a woman's ass till its really pink. I have done this to several girls who liked it as much as I do. While they lay across my lap I can finger their pussy and ass at the same time I'm giving them a good spanking. I like to be spanked too. As long as no one gets hurt, its a real turn on to me but my wife will have nothing to do with it. Any suggestions? I'm adventurous in lots of other ways too but she isn't. After it passes oral sex the adventure is over for her,it's really boring to me and we don't even bother most of the time. I like toys....she doesn't...I like to be fingered in the butt ... she won't do it....I like my nipples played with....nope. You get the message....Help!

I'm with you on the spanking thing. I'm a woman that is totally turned on by it but not all women are. I think being spanked is a way of giving up control to their partner and some women are not ok with that. Maybe there are other things going on your relationship that make her feel that way. Make your wife feel that she is loved, that she is the sexiest thing alive and maybe she will open up to some adventure.