Wife Lost All Sex Drive

[cheech45]

My wife has lost all sex drive and desire, She says it is lack of sensation in the vagina caused by surgery, We have tried all kinds of toys, vibrators, and stimulis, with some slight effect, but the waiting for Orgasm is rather lenghty and some what a tiring chore... By the time she is ready to climax I am already at the orgasm point excited by the foreplay and prematurely orgasm myself... This makes for a declining appetite for sex on my part as I am 45 and not a young buck anymore... Here is my problem.. I love my wife more than life itself, but I have been finding myself looking at younger women, lusting with a secret fantasy to make love to them.. I have noticed myself "innocently" flirting, yet knowing these fantasies will never come true as my devotion and committment will NEVER allow me to be untrue... It's constantly putting my mind in a state of battle... choosing between fantasy and reality... to crave what you can never have... ya know??

Help............

[mommy2krt]

ok now me as a 21 yearold mom of 2 I am saying it is ok to lust it is ok to fantasize, tell her about it talk to her about what you want, and most of all be patient!!!!!! she is probably just as frustrated as you are, I know after my second child it took me a long time to get back in the groove of things and some days i still find myself submitting and not being able to orgasm with my partner it is very frustrating for both of us. i have told him what i want and shown him, but that took lots of trust and patience. it will take her time but just dont give up and just work things out with her try focusing on her instead of worrying about cumming too soon, dont worry about it just keep going, keep working on her keep pleasing her and do everything you can to show her you love and want her more than anything in the world. trust me a woman needs to feel secure and free to trust a man to help her in a sexual area, it took me years and im only 21! i am still having trouble and i am a young woman that loves sex! so be careful what you say make her feel good but she may want to hear about those young girls you think about, you never know what she may be thinking as well!

[whiskeywoman]

"waiting for Orgasm is rather lenghty and some what a tiring chore"

First off, sex should NEVER be a chore, it should be fun, for BOTH of you.

You mention your wife has reported a los of sensation due to a surgery.

Have you tried a female enhancement cream?

I know 2 of them that come highly reccomended, the viva cream and the sexual accelarator gel.

Both contain ingrediants that help bring blood to the clit allowing for more sensation and better orgasms.

You mention you use toys and oral and manual stimulation,

This is a good thing, as it means your lines of communication are open and your trust levels ar high.

Here comes the 64 dollar question, are you using mental stimulation as well as physical?

The most erogonus zone in the human body is the brain.

No, I am not suggesting you go out and buy electrical probes and zap her brain.

I am suggesting doing small things, if she is even the slightest bit tense, then she can not reach orgasm.

She may also have a mental block up saying " oh well, its over, let him do as he wants, I can't feel anything anyways"

Perhaps she has a slight case of depression from it, she may not say anything, but, a woman who goes from enjoying a healthy happy sex life, to not being able to enjoy it is going to have some sort of side effect.

Nothing zaps the old libido like a bout of depression and low self esteem.

As far as your fantasies of making love to these younger women, why not seduce your wife like she was one of these younger women?

If you know these fantasies are not going to come true, what is teh confusion?

Looking is one thing, having fantasies is ok, we all do.

Lets face it, if we did not fantasize, we would not be considered normal, or human.

Flirting is pushing the envelope in my book, lusting after them is also pushing the envelope.

You made very solem vows to your wife the day you were married,

You promised to love and cherish her, and to forsake all others and to cleave unto only her.

Ok, thats kinda scary, I can still remember the vows, I been married too many times if I know them by heart LOL

Anyways, back on track here.

As I was saying, flirting is really pushing it, You are leading these women and YOURSELF on, and that is just not cool.

Flirting subconciously is one thing, a lot of women do it and just don't know it, but you say you know you are doing it.

That is entirely differant.

You say you love your wife more than life itself, how do you think she would feel if she came across you flirting with some other woman?

Honestly, if your wife has lost her sex drive, it is time for a nice long chat with each other, out of the bedroom, and in a neutral area.

You vent to her, she vents to you, no one screams, hollers, rants, raves or passes judgement on the other.

Dont just hear the words, LISTEN, and dont expect things to change overnight.

I wish yalls the best of luck

[whiskeywoman]

oops double post, and I can't delete it.

Mikayla or one of the mods, would you please be so kind as to delete the second post?

Thank you.

[cheech45]

ok now me as a 21 yearold mom of 2 I am saying it is ok to lust it is ok to fantasize, tell her about it talk to her about what you want, and most of all be patient!!!!!! she is probably just as frustrated as you are, I know after my second child it took me a long time to get back in the groove of things and some days i still find myself submitting and not being able to orgasm with my partner it is very frustrating for both of us. i have told him what i want and shown him, but that took lots of trust and patience. it will take her time but just dont give up and just work things out with her try focusing on her instead of worrying about cumming too soon, dont worry about it just keep going, keep working on her keep pleasing her and do everything you can to show her you love and want her more than anything in the world. trust me a woman needs to feel secure and free to trust a man to help her in a sexual area, it took me years and im only 21! i am still having trouble and i am a young woman that loves sex! so be careful what you say make her feel good but she may want to hear about those young girls you think about, you never know what she may be thinking as well!

Thank you for your reply.....

"waiting for Orgasm is rather lenghty and some what a tiring chore"

First off, sex should NEVER be a chore, it should be fun, for BOTH of you.

You mention your wife has reported a los of sensation due to a surgery.

Have you tried a female enhancement cream?

I know 2 of them that come highly reccomended, the viva cream and the sexual accelarator gel.

Both contain ingrediants that help bring blood to the clit allowing for more sensation and better orgasms.

You mention you use toys and oral and manual stimulation,

This is a good thing, as it means your lines of communication are open and your trust levels ar high.

Here comes the 64 dollar question, are you using mental stimulation as well as physical?

The most erogonus zone in the human body is the brain.

No, I am not suggesting you go out and buy electrical probes and zap her brain.

I am suggesting doing small things, if she is even the slightest bit tense, then she can not reach orgasm.

She may also have a mental block up saying " oh well, its over, let him do as he wants, I can't feel anything anyways"

Perhaps she has a slight case of depression from it, she may not say anything, but, a woman who goes from enjoying a healthy happy sex life, to not being able to enjoy it is going to have some sort of side effect.

Nothing zaps the old libido like a bout of depression and low self esteem.

As far as your fantasies of making love to these younger women, why not seduce your wife like she was one of these younger women?

If you know these fantasies are not going to come true, what is teh confusion?

Looking is one thing, having fantasies is ok, we all do.

Lets face it, if we did not fantasize, we would not be considered normal, or human.

Flirting is pushing the envelope in my book, lusting after them is also pushing the envelope.

You made very solem vows to your wife the day you were married,

You promised to love and cherish her, and to forsake all others and to cleave unto only her.

Ok, thats kinda scary, I can still remember the vows, I been married too many times if I know them by heart LOL

Anyways, back on track here.

As I was saying, flirting is really pushing it, You are leading these women and YOURSELF on, and that is just not cool.

Flirting subconciously is one thing, a lot of women do it and just don't know it, but you say you know you are doing it.

That is entirely differant.

You say you love your wife more than life itself, how do you think she would feel if she came across you flirting with some other woman?

Honestly, if your wife has lost her sex drive, it is time for a nice long chat with each other, out of the bedroom, and in a neutral area.

You vent to her, she vents to you, no one screams, hollers, rants, raves or passes judgement on the other.

Dont just hear the words, LISTEN, and dont expect things to change overnight.

I wish yalls the best of luck

thank you for your reply