New Here

[joanne]

A little background. My DH is the only person I've been with. We met when I was young - 17. Now, 9+ years later, I'm starting to wonder about what sort of sex *I* like. And I'm beginning to suspect that what I want and what my DH provides are two different things. We've always been very open about what we desire and need.

Basically, I'm delving into my submissive side. (Okay, maybe sub lite.) I read a lot of erotica, and that is the topic that makes me hottest. Spanking, bondage, force, submission. I've told him about it, and we've ventured a bit to that side of play. (And it was SO good when we did.) But I can tell it's not in him, not natural. I certainly don't want him to be uncomfortable and ask him to do anything he doesn't. But at the same time, I'm feeling a bit lost as well. And while he's aware, it's not like he just does it. I have to prompt, which I think kinda defeats the whole purpose, ya know? It's like a novelty to him...once or twice and then it's back to our usual.

How do you handle this? I'm certainly curious about sex. I feel like, while I love my husband, I didn't get to really explore my sexuality with him.

[Mikayla1]

Welcome to the forum!

From my experience, people who enjoy bondage play on either side (DOM or sub) have an innate yearning for it. Sumbissives especially have the need to be dominated - it seems to really get them going. When I am dominated by my hubby - who really isn't the dominant type - it is some of the more natural feeling sex that we have. While I can enjoy being the DOM or even just nuetral sex - I prefer 100% the nights when I am dominated in some fashion.

WHat I would suggest is to have a frank discussion with him where you tell him what your wants, needs and desires are. I would also ask him what his are as well. I would stress to him that nothing gets you hotter than when he dominates you. I would tell him that you understand how he feels, and how it might be hard for him, but explain that you really love it - and see if there is anything you can do for him.

If your hubby is like my hubby, it will be hard for him to describe some fantasy or desire of his own. He certainly has them, but he doesn't feel right or comfortable talking about it. I would say that this is a problem for many couples - expressing their true desires.

I would say that if he loves you, that he will be willing to dominate you more often - but I wouldn't expect it all the time. In my experience, there are those men who can dominate and those who can't. I would expect yiour hubby to be a gentle, kind, caring almost timid man, which is great for marriage but not so great for being dominant.

I wish you the best of luck, just be honest and open and see what happens next. Also, read my article on BDSM in the sex ed section, it just might help you to talk to him or give him some ideas on how to connect with his dominant side!

Mikayla

[joanne]

Interesting...

Got home last night from work. We got into a little hanky panky on the sofa, he leads me upstairs and proceeds to totally ravish me...

I don't think he read this, since I asked him what inspired him and he would have told me.

I did enjoy seeing my ass, red with handprints. Made me feel Victorian or something.

Oh! And a nice plug for the G-Swirl. Or Twirl.

[goodtaste]

Interesting...

Got home last night from work. We got into a little hanky panky on the sofa, he leads me upstairs and proceeds to totally ravish me...

I don't think he read this, since I asked him what inspired him and he would have told me.

I did enjoy seeing my ass, red with handprints. Made me feel Victorian or something.

Oh! And a nice plug for the G-Swirl. Or Twirl.

Thats great that your making progress in this area of need. pro-driver p.s. awesome