Members coleyjames Posted January 9, 2007 Members Report Share Posted January 9, 2007 i am 26 years old and finally in a relationship with someone who cares about pleasing me. i honestly never really knew what that was before now. i was in a bad relationship for about 7 years with the father of my children and all he ever did was say "take you clothes off im sticking it in" so that was what our sexual relationship was like. there was no foreplay. the guy i am with now is the complete opposite, i give him oral once in awhile and i recieve a lot more than i give but i just dont enjoy giving it to him , and i want to get over that and i have been trying too and he gets frustrtated with me and i dont blame him. i cant even have an orgasm with him or any man for that matter, i am a very shy person so he is always in control (sexually) i think that i am worried about he thinks, or that i am not doing something right, so i just let him take control, i know it would shock the hell outa him if i did take control but i cant seem to get myself to do it./ any suggestions? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted January 9, 2007 Report Share Posted January 9, 2007 Well, welcome to the forum!! We're glad you're here. Asking questions is how you learn in life, same goes for your sex life.Have you ever masturbated yourself to orgasm? If not, you really need to try. Try to relax, and just touch yourself, seeing what pleases you. It may take some time and practice, but that's the whole fun in it!!I would suggest that you sit down, in a neutral place (away from the bedroom) and ask him what he wants you to for him in your sex lives. Be prepared for him asking you the same questions too. Be as open & honest as you can be. If you don't know what you want, tell him that. I am assuming he knows how your ex was, so that you weren't able to express or experiment sexually. If not, you should really tell him so. If you don't tell him honestly, how you have been treated in the past, and so you're not sure what you like, but want to find out, he will never know.Having sex is adult play. Just because a woman has a vagina, or a man has a dick, doesn't mean they KNOW how to make love. Each person likes different things. And thus, each new lover must be taught how to please you.Any ideas as to why you don't like to perform oral sex on your man? You should explore why you don't like it, and be honest with him as to why you don't like to do it. He can help you get over it, if it's something you want to try to do for him. It's a wonderful thing, being able to pleasure him in such an intimate way. And, no, you don't have to swallow if you don't want too. Be open to new ideas. Now, if something just goes against everything you believe in, tell him that. Don't feel forced into doing something that is totally against your beliefs, but DO try to be open to new ideas he may have, or even some you come out with on your own!! Feel free to fantasize!!! Maybe have him dress up as a cowboy for instance, or you, the maid, and have his way with you. Spontanaity is fun too. Feeling frisky? Do it in a dressing room at a store (it can be done), or in the car, elevator, ect.....Of course, adult toys are a great ENHANCING tool in your sex life. There's nothing like a good vibrator, or clit stimulator to spice things up a bit. going to an adult store is lots of fun, and a good way to see the stuff in real life. You can see the different options out there, videos, and so on. Of course, I prefer to get stuff on TooTimid, just because of the great products and one year guarantee they have on all of their items. No adult toy shop I've ever seen offers that. But you can look either here or there, and find something to spice things up. Even if you start out with body warming lotion.....that's what started my adult toy collection! :P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members coleyjames Posted January 9, 2007 Author Members Report Share Posted January 9, 2007 thank you for your advice! after i posted this last night i decided to start working on my problem tonight.so i had a couple drinks to help me relax and took a long bath and waited for my man to get off work. when he got home he took a shower and i hardly even gave him a chance to dry off. i took him to the bedroom and he had been complaining about how bad his back hurt all night at work so i threw him on the bed and rubbed massage oil all over his body and gave him the best massage he had ever gotten. after that i jumped ontop and just started kissing him all over (even that he is not used to) he started to eat me out as usual and i made him stop so that i could give him some pleasure for once. and i did it!! he loved it!! i dont know what came over me. i cant say that i suddenly like to do it, buthopefully i will get better. the only thing that he didnt like is that i still never have had an orgasm with him. i have no problems using my toys and doing it myself(which he gets kinda upset about) but no matter what we use, or how turned on i am, i just cant get myself to that point unless i am in the room by myself and that really starts to get old. i want us to be able to orgasm together. but oh well at least last night was GREAT! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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