Another Orgasm Question

[cdwaldorf]

I have been lurking on this board for about a couple of months. I have just started experimenting with toys to help enhance our sexual play and I have been extremely dissappointed in the results. My husband has been hinting to get a toy for him to use on me to help with more external stimulation during our time together. I have always taken a long time when it I am stimulated orally and we thought a toy would help me reach an orgasm a lot faster. I have a couple of bullets and a pocket rocket and it takes just as long to reach an orgasm and it kills the passion. My husband is determined to get an orgasm so he will go the 15-20 minutes to recieve results but then the mood is shot and we have to build back up. I have no problem with my g-spot. I can get multiple orgasm's with his fingers so I have ordered the Ultimate Thrusting Rabbit but it is on back order (I can't wait). I don't feel like you can use a toy incorrectly but I don't understand why it still takes so long. I want our sexual play to be hot and heavy and not have a cold spot while I take 20 minutes to orgasm. Please help?

[Tyger]

Well, first let me welcome you to the board! Let me also tell you that you're lucky to be married to a man who WANTS to please you, no matter how long it may take. I'm sure you've read a lot of posts telling of someone having a not so giving partner here.

As for your trouble, to me, it sounds like you may be stressing a bit too much to reach an orgasm? Sex between 2 loving adults is meant to be fun, and shouldn't be rushed (unless you're having a Quickie!!). Allow your husband to pleasure you. I'm sure what he does feels good. If you're stressing about "WHEN is the O coming?????" it will take longer to achieve. So "shut your brain up" so to speak.

Try relaxing, deep breathing, and just concentrating on the things your husband is doing to you and the sensations. Don't worry about WHEN your orgasm is coming. Try maybe visualizing what he's doing to you, if it's dark, or watching what he's doing to you. Or have him blindfold you, so some of your senses are heightened. If he's doing something to you, that is just driving you CRAZY, tell him so. Concentrating on one area isn't a bad thing at all.

Some women orgasm faster than others. Mostly due to not being able to quiet the mind. So, don't rush, relax, keep trying the toys in different positions, @ different pressures/angles/positions and let us know how you're doing.

[Mikayla1]

Tyger could not be more right on!

If you are constantly thinking about having the "O" - you are going to take longer - period! If your man is concerned about you cumming, but seems to be criticizing your time period, then he needs to look at your foreplay like it is more of adult play, and not a race to the next level!

I usually orgasm pretty easily, but every once in a while I have that orgasm that take a long time. My hubby LOVES to please me, so he will do whatever I want or he wants until I say to stop. He never complains or makes me feel guilty for the nights I take longer. He loves to please me...period.

Now, I would suggest to you that you read my articles on Having an Orgasm - only because it may help you get reconnected to yourself and your pleasure. I would also suggest that you use something like Viva Cream - it really will make your clitoris more sensitive and may help you relax a bit when it comes to orgasms.

I would also suggest that you build up to your orgasm more. Don't try 15 minutes of oral all at once - try some fingering, some petting, some oral - then some toys. Really tease yourself and get yourself hot. Don't think about cumming, think about pleasure. Try a 69 so you are both having fun and getting stimulated.

Oh, one other question, are you on any medications? Sometimes medications can make you a bit desensitized.

I wish you the best of luck - please post back if you have other questions. Welcome and keep posting!

Mikayla

[cdwaldorf]

Thanks Tyger and Mikayla. I do find that I stress about having an orgasm sooner and I can see how if affects me. My husband loves to take his time so I need to be more into it. I am not on any medication but I did just have a baby (#3) 8wks ago.

I am just starting to gain confidence in my ability to be a sexual woman. I have read a lot of your sex toy posts and I have already gained a lot of info. Especially the deep throat article. My husband is still thanking you for that one:) I guess I just want to have multiple orgasms with foreplay and I stress when I don't b/c is seems to come easy for others.