Threesome While In A Committed Relationship...good Or Bad?

[fearful1]

Hello,

So here is what I am faced with... my wonderful boyfriend, and hopefully one day husband, has expressed his desire for us to bring a girl home and have a threesome. We have had several talks about this in regards to why and how it could be good for our relationship, while at the same time, I have expressed my concerns...and here they are. I am terrified of being cheated on and/or left for the other girl if we were to do this. In every other realm to our relationship, I am pretty secure; however, fear overtakes me when it comes to infidelity. I am not concerned about being with another woman. I have done it one time before and I was completely comfortable with all of it. When I was with the girl, my boyfriend watched via the computer while he was out of town and I was ok with that and worry-free. When I think of us having a threesome, I am comfortable with the whole idea when it is just him touching me and him having sex with me, while I am also with her. I am not totally sold on the idea of being ok with him having sex with her and that is where my dilemma comes into play; how do I become ok with that? Is it all a security issue that I need to get over and just have the confidence in myself and in our relationship?

I am stuck and do not know what to do. Part of me says to try it and go from there; I may love it and all this fear may really be for nothing, but what if...what if I can not get over the fact that I allowed my boyfriend to be with another woman? Will that effect our relationship and potentially damage it? Am I overthinking all of this, rather than just going with it and seeing what happens?

The kicker to all of this is that girl on girl really turns me on and I would prefer a FFM threesome over a MMF threesome, but do I keep it as a fantasy and if I act it out, is it ok to do it with someone I am head over heels in love with and plan on spending the rest of my life with???

So there you have it... this is what I battle in my brain all the time. Any advice that you have to offer would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for your time and your help!!!

Fearful1

[flychucker]

well i relate some with what you are thinking. i am 51yrs and so is my wife. we have been married for 30 yrs our sex lives has actually turned up alot over the last 2 yrs. we have a few toys and we love to play. we may be 51 yrs. but we think and play real young. its fun. for a while now i have a strong desire to bring a woman to our bed for some fun but it is not really about me having sex with 2 women but more me being really turned on by watching my wife and another woman enjoying each other and me in there doing what ever they want me to do. so, its not about me wanting another woman for myself as much as just the experience of the ffm with my wife. i think what you need to know, is it about your boyfriend wanting another woman or is it about him wanting to see you and her having fun with him in there to do what ever yall agree on. i think the whole key is why a threesome is wanted. we have never done this before but i cant seem to stop thinking about it the thought of it makes my head spin but i would in no way do anything that would hurt our marriage. i have not even talked to my wife about this feeling yet. im not sure how she would take it but i have a sneaky feeling she has also thought of it too. most women have. does your boyfriend already have this woman picked out? also it is better if the person brought in is not alot more attractive than you just so you want feel threatened. its alot to think about but if you do this serch your heart and yall talk about the rules. the main thing to know is why yall might want this. hope this helps. frosty

[Mikayla1]

Welcome Fearful1!

Your dilemma is not at all uncommon, and in fact, as I have discussed many times, this is a fantasy that almost all men have at some point in their lives. Your situation is hightened by the fact that you have already BEEN with a woman and shown this via the computer to your boyfriend. Now, you state that you are in a committed relationship - so this trist with the other woman, that was previously discussed and approved of by your bf I assume? Cause if not, you are not in a committed relationship.

Since you have opened up the door to this possibility, I am not surprised that your bf is thinking this way. To tell you the truth, I always enjoyed my threesomes BEFORE I found the man I was going to marry. In my relationships where I had the threesomes, all the time but one I was the other woman. As I explain in my article, that I will post a link to, each time I was approached by the other man to ask me to be with just him. So, your fear that this will happen is legitimate. Does it mean it will happen? Not necessarily. However, you are not married, and until the point (and for some people even after that point) there is nothing keeping him connected ONLY to you.

Women have the "need to please disease" where we want to satisfy our lovers, kids, bosses - any way we can. Many times this gets us into situations that are not what we would pick for ourselves. MAKE SURE that if you do this, you do it for YOU not for HIM. Make sure you go over the rules beforehand. Make sure he understands what you are and are not comfortable with. It seems as though you are not really comfortable with many aspects of the threesome - I am not sure if he will be satisfied with this. He may agree to it, just to get himeself in the room with 2 women, and then change when he is in the moment - hoping that you will not protest.

This has happened so many time to me. There were rules like: no actual sex between me and the other guy or no anal and then in the moment, he is slipping his cock into me and I am like.....I thought we agreed. The woman just looks defeated and sad and lets it happen. Men thrive on the power of being with 2 women. Many men become obessed with the other woman. Many men have the experience and still love their sign. other. Do you know where your bf will land in this aspect?

In Frosty's situation, he has been married for 30 years - they have a solid background and history to fall back on. He wants his wife to experience things that are new and different. Your situation is much different. You are hoping to one day marry this man. Let me ask you, once you are married, do you plan to let others into your marital bed? If you want to send the message that this will be OK in your relationship - you can not do this. You have to set a precedent for what you think will carry into your marriage.

Now, I will point out that there are some couples (not many) who maintain marriages with threesome action. This is NOT the norm. Once women think about having kids and starting a life with JUST that person, those feelings seem to dissappear. I am one of those people. I loved my threesomes, but I found the one man I wanted to be with - no matter what - and I am faithful to that. Thank goodness he has told me that I am the only woman that he needs - so for me, that is my dream - to have a man who only wants me.

I hope this helps. Read my article and please post if you have questions.

Mikayla

http://www.tootimid.com/sex_education/misc/06/threesomes.htm

[fearful1]

hi frosty,

thank you for replying to me. my situation applies when you say it is not really about you being with 2 women, it is more about your wife with another woman and you are there to do what they want...my situation is about the same. we have talked extensively about this and what i would be ok with him doing and not doing, this way we would both be on the same page beforehand so during it all, no surprises would come about. my boyfriend would never do anything to hurt me or our relationship and that has been made quite clear. he does not have anyone picked out and is not looking; it is all up to me and on my terms. our reason for doing this has also been discussed thoroughly with each other. we have a tremendous amount of respect for one another and would never cross those lines. we communicate extremely well and have never once argued, so we are able to fully open ourselves to each other and let the other know exactly what we are thinking and what is going on. this comforts me in regards to this situation; i just need to work on getting over the fear, which could be anticipation and the unknown all wrapped up together.

i am not doing this tomorrow or going to rush into it at all, but it is something i think about and ponder.

if you have any other insight, i am definitely all ears!!!

thank you so, so much!!

well i relate some with what you are thinking. i am 51yrs and so is my wife. we have been married for 30 yrs our sex lives has actually turned up alot over the last 2 yrs. we have a few toys and we love to play. we may be 51 yrs. but we think and play real young. its fun. for a while now i have a strong desire to bring a woman to our bed for some fun but it is not really about me having sex with 2 women but more me being really turned on by watching my wife and another woman enjoying each other and me in there doing what ever they want me to do. so, its not about me wanting another woman for myself as much as just the experience of the ffm with my wife. i think what you need to know, is it about your boyfriend wanting another woman or is it about him wanting to see you and her having fun with him in there to do what ever yall agree on. i think the whole key is why a threesome is wanted. we have never done this before but i cant seem to stop thinking about it the thought of it makes my head spin but i would in no way do anything that would hurt our marriage. i have not even talked to my wife about this feeling yet. im not sure how she would take it but i have a sneaky feeling she has also thought of it too. most women have. does your boyfriend already have this woman picked out? also it is better if the person brought in is not alot more attractive than you just so you want feel threatened. its alot to think about but if you do this serch your heart and yall talk about the rules. the main thing to know is why yall might want this. hope this helps. frosty

[fearful1]

hi mikayla,

thank you for your words of wisdom!

i do not think i was clear in something i said earlier, so i wanted to clear this up really quick.... me being with the other woman was completely previously discussed and approved of by my bf...this is something that i would have never considered doing if it were not for him and something that he would enjoy...so yes, all was approved and ok'd beforehand...ABSOLUTELY!!!

this is something that my bf has wanted for some time, we have been together for a few years, and have discussed doing this on many occasions. before my bf, i had never really thought about acting any of these fantasies out, so he has opened me up quite a bit to exploring other things with each other and i think that is great...still new...but great that we are able to communicate like that with each other and be so open...i think you get what i am trying to say (i hope).

we recently went over what i would and would not be ok with...what i am not ok with is not open for discussion and he is aware of that. all of this is really on my terms; i pick when, who, how, where...etc... he will never pick the other girl or try to initiate anything. he wants it to all be on me so i do not feel pressured at all and i am comfortable with what is going on and such.

we are exploring this idea for the experience and the openness it creates between him and i... we are not looking to do this to add someone to our relationship on a consistent basis or anything like that...so him becoming obsessed with the other woman is not so much of a concern of mine...for the most part. i understand why we would be doing this and as long as i remember that, then i am ok...the thing that gets to me sometimes is when my insecurity kicks in; however shortlived, there is a small piece that comes back in now and then.

i am sure things will change once we get married and have kids... what seems to be fun and exciting now becomes less important when new beautiful beings have been added to the family...so this is not something that i am planning on doing on a regular basis and well into my future marriage.

so this is where i am at with this whole thing right now...do you think i am crazy or are you finding that this is becoming pretty normal?

thank you for your help and your insight.

fearful1

Welcome Fearful1!

Your dilemma is not at all uncommon, and in fact, as I have discussed many times, this is a fantasy that almost all men have at some point in their lives. Your situation is hightened by the fact that you have already BEEN with a woman and shown this via the computer to your boyfriend. Now, you state that you are in a committed relationship - so this trist with the other woman, that was previously discussed and approved of by your bf I assume? Cause if not, you are not in a committed relationship.

Since you have opened up the door to this possibility, I am not surprised that your bf is thinking this way. To tell you the truth, I always enjoyed my threesomes BEFORE I found the man I was going to marry. In my relationships where I had the threesomes, all the time but one I was the other woman. As I explain in my article, that I will post a link to, each time I was approached by the other man to ask me to be with just him. So, your fear that this will happen is legitimate. Does it mean it will happen? Not necessarily. However, you are not married, and until the point (and for some people even after that point) there is nothing keeping him connected ONLY to you.

Women have the "need to please disease" where we want to satisfy our lovers, kids, bosses - any way we can. Many times this gets us into situations that are not what we would pick for ourselves. MAKE SURE that if you do this, you do it for YOU not for HIM. Make sure you go over the rules beforehand. Make sure he understands what you are and are not comfortable with. It seems as though you are not really comfortable with many aspects of the threesome - I am not sure if he will be satisfied with this. He may agree to it, just to get himeself in the room with 2 women, and then change when he is in the moment - hoping that you will not protest.

This has happened so many time to me. There were rules like: no actual sex between me and the other guy or no anal and then in the moment, he is slipping his cock into me and I am like.....I thought we agreed. The woman just looks defeated and sad and lets it happen. Men thrive on the power of being with 2 women. Many men become obessed with the other woman. Many men have the experience and still love their sign. other. Do you know where your bf will land in this aspect?

In Frosty's situation, he has been married for 30 years - they have a solid background and history to fall back on. He wants his wife to experience things that are new and different. Your situation is much different. You are hoping to one day marry this man. Let me ask you, once you are married, do you plan to let others into your marital bed? If you want to send the message that this will be OK in your relationship - you can not do this. You have to set a precedent for what you think will carry into your marriage.

Now, I will point out that there are some couples (not many) who maintain marriages with threesome action. This is NOT the norm. Once women think about having kids and starting a life with JUST that person, those feelings seem to dissappear. I am one of those people. I loved my threesomes, but I found the one man I wanted to be with - no matter what - and I am faithful to that. Thank goodness he has told me that I am the only woman that he needs - so for me, that is my dream - to have a man who only wants me.

I hope this helps. Read my article and please post if you have questions.

Mikayla

http://www.tootimid.com/sex_education/misc/06/threesomes.htm

[kimkanasky]

Hi there Fearful1. I don't know if you are still considering the threesome with your boyfriend or not, but I thought I would put my 2 cents worth in. I am a 30 something wife of 10 years with 1 child. I have had threesome experiences with my husband and am still currently doing it. The experiences have been with the same female. It has seemed to work out for us. I completely understand your issues, concerns, and questions with this. It can be a very trying thing on a relationship. Even one that you feel is very secure and loving. It is hard enough to deal with your own emotions in your relationship. Once you welcome someone else into it, makes it complicated. Even if you don't mean it to happen. My husband and I were open and honest about our feelings, concerns, fears, needs, wants. etc. I think the key to it, is communication. If there is something that you don't want to happen, then discuss it with him. You both have to be comfortable with doing it. My husband and I discussed the things that we could and couldn't do. Like not having intercourse. If that is something that you are not comfortable with, then let him know that. That just might be something that he can not do.

I am very secure in my relationship and I do not fear that my husband is going to leave me. My issue that came up, was the fact that I have a low self-esteem. So, I found myself wondering and thinking that he thought she was better then me. Didn't think he would leave me for it, but that is what drove me nuts. But, we have talked through it and we even took a break from doing it for 1 1/2 years. But, at the end of last year, we started up again with her because we were missing her and I know I was certainly missing her. Strangely for me, I have developed feelings for her and I have been straight thus far. But what are labels anyway.

Key is communication. my husband and I communicate all the time and he has helped me feel better about myself and I don't have the fears.

In my experience, even the best prepared could still get blind-sided after you think you are ready. So really think it through. In the end, I have had a wonderful experience with it and still am. I still have a wonderful relationship with my husband. He is my number one and my partner for life. The weird thing for me is, that I have become more experimental and open then I have ever been. The great thing is that I have done it with my husband.

Have fun,

butterflykisses

[flychucker]

HI FEARFUL1 , one thing to remember in what you and i are both thinking about is that we cant always live by " what ever feels good, do it" sometimes i think maybe its best to leave a fantacy to just that. a fantacy and not reality. search your heart in all things and you will be fine. i think my wife thinks about being pleasured by a woman and pleasuring another woman and if thats true then it turns me on soooo much. i can be turned on just knowing that she is that opened sexually in our later years even if we never do it. you know what i mean. see ya