My Husband, The Starfish

[Malady]

I'm brand new to here and don't have anyone else to talk to about this, so I would appreciate your advice on this. 

My husband and I are high school sweethearts that married after graduating college. After 10 years and 2 kids, I thought our sex life would be better than this. 

When we have sex, my husband is a starfish. He just lays there receiving. The few times he touches me, when he does, he goes straight to my nipples and vagina. As a result, I'm so turned off that I'm dry, which makes sex both painful and unappetizing. What's worst, is that it doesn't matter if I'm tired (this is most of the time) or sick (usually with a migraine) or in physical pain (I have chronic issues with my right knee, ankle and foot). I must come to bed naked, which 90% of the time leads to sex. By sex, I'm mean he gets a 1 hour blowjob (because he doesn't like being touched anywhere else) that leads to an orgasm  while I get unwanted fondling and penetration that makes feel like just a collection of body parts. If I orgasm, it's completely fake. 

Communicating with him about this in the past has either ended in us arguing or him trying for 2 weeks and giving up. Regardless, things always go back to how they were and I've simply given up. We're in our upper 30s now, so medical issues have started to arise but these were problems before that. Did I teach him wrong in our early years?

Edited March 25, 2023 by Malady
Missing information

[bobbie63]

when i first met my girlfriend it was great , then we went 7 years with out sex with all her medical problems, then when we tried i needed a box of dynamite to open her up, now she thinks i should go with out it again so far it about 3 years, 

[Malady]

7 minutes ago, bobbie63 said:

when i first met my girlfriend it was great , then we went 7 years with out sex with all her medical problems, then when we tried i needed a box of dynamite to open her up, now she thinks i should go with out it again so far it about 3 years, 

Do you do more than just lay there? Are you comfortable with her touching more than just one part of you? Is what I'm describing normal for an adult sexual relationship? I've never been with anyone else, so I don't know. 

[bobbie63]

she tells me to leave her alone ,always try to touch her, wants to give me salt peter wishes i couldnt get a hard on,i take too long to cum, she usto cum 3times before i came once,i love a womans touch,

[kanga grey]

why dont you try sitting on his face or 69ing

[Malady]

I've tried that, but isn't he still a starfish in that position (lying flat while I do most all of the work)?

[Frontandback247]

Try sitting on his face then take your hand and squeeze his nostrils tight. Going your pussy down on his mouth as hard as you can while you’re doing this so that he can’t breathe. I can guarantee he won’t be a starfish for long. 

[Goddest dominatrixwater]

I can relate to the lazy sex partner, I have one myself. I found that masterbation aids in the satisfaction aspect of things. Keep your clothes on, he can’t force you to keep them on. Tell him “you want my pussy, you have to learn how to wet!” I can’t help you on the one sexual partner side, umm I need different opinions.

[Warrior57]

I would love to help you out with having orgasm

[MattfromNY]

Maybe he’s not trying to learn your pussy and is only trying to get his nut off

[Hoggy]

Malady,

I'm not in a position to say if it's normal or not but I will say that it's unhealthy for YOU and he is selfish.  Everybody needs and yearns for the loving touch of another person. If I had to choose between soft caresses and sex - I would drop sex in a heartbeat. 

But I think I have a solution for you. 

You said he was a starfish and just lays there while you suck his dick for an hour (wow!). If that's the case, the next time he rolls over for you to "come and get it", I recommend you roll over too and go to sleep! He'll get it eventually. 

In the mean time - masturbation can relieve any sexual frustration you may have.  Buy yourself some toys and don't hide the fact that you did.  When he asks about them, simply say you haven't been sexually satisfied for years and this fills the void. 

[420prick]

Find some good toys, learn what you like, have him watch and show him what you like. 

If he's lucky you will let him gently caress your body with his hands while you work the toy.

Then a strict no joy for you till he brings you joy.

[tiger67]

On 3/25/2023 at 10:47 AM, Malady said:

I'm brand new to here and don't have anyone else to talk to about this, so I would appreciate your advice on this. 

My husband and I are high school sweethearts that married after graduating college. After 10 years and 2 kids, I thought our sex life would be better than this. 

When we have sex, my husband is a starfish. He just lays there receiving. The few times he touches me, when he does, he goes straight to my nipples and vagina. As a result, I'm so turned off that I'm dry, which makes sex both painful and unappetizing. What's worst, is that it doesn't matter if I'm tired (this is most of the time) or sick (usually with a migraine) or in physical pain (I have chronic issues with my right knee, ankle and foot). I must come to bed naked, which 90% of the time leads to sex. By sex, I'm mean he gets a 1 hour blowjob (because he doesn't like being touched anywhere else) that leads to an orgasm  while I get unwanted fondling and penetration that makes feel like just a collection of body parts. If I orgasm, it's completely fake. 

Communicating with him about this in the past has either ended in us arguing or him trying for 2 weeks and giving up. Regardless, things always go back to how they were and I've simply given up. We're in our upper 30s now, so medical issues have started to arise but these were problems before that. Did I teach him wrong in our early years?

I feel that I am guilty of some of the same. My wife in 80's and me 70's. Sex was good while it lasted but almost always, she was the initiator. As a result, our sex life ended probably over 20 years ago. Now, even if she wanted to, her medical problems that included both rectal and vaginal surgeries with a bag now, makes having sex impossible.