Unsatisfied sexually

[loliiita]

So here is my first post... I am not sure I am in the right section as I just discovered this site.

I have been married for 6 years. My husband and I have a pretty good relationship in general. 

When we moved in together I got very depressed for about 2 years and he was very supportive. He did everything I asked him to do and more. I love him very much and I want our marriage to succeed. 

Now because of my depression, sex has been impossible for a couple of years. I had vaginismus (penetration was impossible). I went to physical therapy and now we can have sex. 

I have a long history with vaginismus. I couod not have sex for 9 years and then I met my husband and he was able to give me my first time. I have never been able to be fingered though.

Now that we are able to have sex, and we seem to have reconnected I cannot stop thinking about it. I fell like I am sex crazed lol. 

Compare to before, I am not able to really have an orgasm. I think my husband is a bit tired of this situation and whenever I am trying to get anything but the bare minimum I get push back.

Examples:

1. Try to start sexting (so we keep my libido alive) and he straight give me a critique of last time we were intimate. When i tell him this is not what I was looking for. That I was trying to get us good to go for when he came home and he said "I do not need this I am always good to go". I have been tryin g to tell him I need it for the future so my libido does not go down but did not seem to hear it.

2. When talking about going down on me. He keeps saying that I do not like it. Even though I do. His point: I do not like having is tongue penetrate me. Well big surprise, yes I do not enjoy it but I do like the licking. I tried to talked about it but he is not pleased with the fact I just like it my way not the way he likes to do it.

3. When we have intercourse, i feel like it is more about his pleasure than mine. I feel like he accepted that it was going to be painful for me so he does let me have the lead until I am ok but after that I guess it is just too much work to make me cum.

It did not used to be like this. We had a lot of fun together. The most fun I ever had. But now it is just so much work for me. My libido is high but the "reward" is low. 

I have been thinking that maybe I could find some kind of sex coach (I am thinking someone that would show me physically - I have done sex therapy for years and I need something that helps physically) to help me be comfortable and reach an orgasm quicker that way my husband and I could re-connect better and finally have both of us get pleasure.

Is this crazy??? We are a monogamous couple but I do not know how to reach him anymore and I am very aware that we are in this predicament because of me. 

Thank you if you manage to read all of it :)

 

[Noughty mind]

13 hours ago, loliiita said:

So here is my first post... I am not sure I am in the right section as I just discovered this site.

I have been married for 6 years. My husband and I have a pretty good relationship in general. 

When we moved in together I got very depressed for about 2 years and he was very supportive. He did everything I asked him to do and more. I love him very much and I want our marriage to succeed. 

Now because of my depression, sex has been impossible for a couple of years. I had vaginismus (penetration was impossible). I went to physical therapy and now we can have sex. 

I have a long history with vaginismus. I couod not have sex for 9 years and then I met my husband and he was able to give me my first time. I have never been able to be fingered though.

Now that we are able to have sex, and we seem to have reconnected I cannot stop thinking about it. I fell like I am sex crazed lol. 

Compare to before, I am not able to really have an orgasm. I think my husband is a bit tired of this situation and whenever I am trying to get anything but the bare minimum I get push back.

Examples:

1. Try to start sexting (so we keep my libido alive) and he straight give me a critique of last time we were intimate. When i tell him this is not what I was looking for. That I was trying to get us good to go for when he came home and he said "I do not need this I am always good to go". I have been tryin g to tell him I need it for the future so my libido does not go down but did not seem to hear it.

2. When talking about going down on me. He keeps saying that I do not like it. Even though I do. His point: I do not like having is tongue penetrate me. Well big surprise, yes I do not enjoy it but I do like the licking. I tried to talked about it but he is not pleased with the fact I just like it my way not the way he likes to do it.

3. When we have intercourse, i feel like it is more about his pleasure than mine. I feel like he accepted that it was going to be painful for me so he does let me have the lead until I am ok but after that I guess it is just too much work to make me cum.

It did not used to be like this. We had a lot of fun together. The most fun I ever had. But now it is just so much work for me. My libido is high but the "reward" is low. 

I have been thinking that maybe I could find some kind of sex coach (I am thinking someone that would show me physically - I have done sex therapy for years and I need something that helps physically) to help me be comfortable and reach an orgasm quicker that way my husband and I could re-connect better and finally have both of us get pleasure.

Is this crazy??? We are a monogamous couple but I do not know how to reach him anymore and I am very aware that we are in this predicament because of me. 

Thank you if you manage to read all of it

 

You definitely need to have someone show you that pleasure is really about both people being on the same page and that orgasmic pleasure takes a desire to pleasure 😊.

[all the time]

Have you tried mutual masturbation? It was a game changer for us. No penetration required!!🤭

[BrendenB]

It would be nice if -- based on just your side of this, from what you wrote -- he would LISTEN to you, with Love, and be willing to give you what you like. This sounds more like a Marriage issue, not so much a Sex issue.  Also, a lot of us don't get what we need from our spouses, so Self-Pleasure (and/or FWB) is helpful...

[loliiita]

@all the time this is something we actually used to do. I will see if is up for it again

[loliiita]

@BrendenB we are going to start couples therapy soon. I am hoping that we will be able to discuss this topic more openly. 

What is FWB? Sorry english is not my first language so I do not know all abbreviations.

[Mr. Mike]

2 hours ago, loliiita said:

@BrendenB we are going to start couples therapy soon. I am hoping that we will be able to discuss this topic more openly. 

What is FWB? Sorry english is not my first language so I do not know all abbreviations.

Hello Loliiita, hope your doing better... fwb = friends with benefits 

[420prick]

Sexting and sexy talk is good at least your making an effort to spice it up. Doing research and reaching out shows you care and want to change things. Stay persistent and sex crazed eventually he won't be able to resist. Try putting on a sundress or short skirt, no panties and strut around flashing him a lil;)) Leave your favorite scene from an erotic adult movie on the TV...