Newbie Marquand Posted February 21, 2007 Newbie Report Share Posted February 21, 2007 I've recently become frustrated with sex with my husband. It seems like we're never on the same page concerning what we like. Lately, all that seems to turn him on is just hardcore going at it and I'm more in the mood for sensual touches and slow strokes but when I try to talk to him about it all he does is get mad. He gets up and leaves and he makes me feel guilty because he says things like he can never do anything right anymore and that usually leads to me letting him have his way in the bedroom. But when we do have sex his way I don't get into it and it makes him mad. Majority of the time when we have sex his way it leaves me in tears because it makes me feel like he doesn't care whether or not I'm being pleased or not just as long as he gets his. But don't get me wrong I like those sessions sometimes but not all the time and that's what I can't get him to understand. Our last sexual encounter was somewhat mixed. It seemed like he tried it my way and I achieved an orgasm but he didn't because it wasn't how he liked it. It's almost like he's trained his body and mind into liking and wanting it one way. How do I get my voice back in the bedroom without it ending in anger and hurt and how do I accomplish us both being pleased when it comes to intercourse? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted February 21, 2007 Report Share Posted February 21, 2007 I've recently become frustrated with sex with my husband. It seems like we're never on the same page concerning what we like. Lately, all that seems to turn him on is just hardcore going at it and I'm more in the mood for sensual touches and slow strokes but when I try to talk to him about it all he does is get mad. He gets up and leaves and he makes me feel guilty because he says things like he can never do anything right anymore and that usually leads to me letting him have his way in the bedroom. But when we do have sex his way I don't get into it and it makes him mad. Majority of the time when we have sex his way it leaves me in tears because it makes me feel like he doesn't care whether or not I'm being pleased or not just as long as he gets his. But don't get me wrong I like those sessions sometimes but not all the time and that's what I can't get him to understand. Our last sexual encounter was somewhat mixed. It seemed like he tried it my way and I achieved an orgasm but he didn't because it wasn't how he liked it. It's almost like he's trained his body and mind into liking and wanting it one way. How do I get my voice back in the bedroom without it ending in anger and hurt and how do I accomplish us both being pleased when it comes to intercourse?First, I'm sorry you're having to go thru all of this. But, you aren't alone. Many a woman has been thru this, as have I in the past. I'm going to answer as honestly as I can going from what was posted.First, a question: is he distant from you in other ways too? Does his own thing, doesn't care about what YOU want. does what HE wants, your wants and desires be damned? Does he treat you well, or just as the woman that cleans, cooks, and takes care of things?Your husband is veryselfish. And, he's controlling. He's not willing to listen to you, and gets his way by the Guilt Trips he obviously puts on you. You're feeling unfullfilled because you ARE missing something important to a marriage, feeling connected to your spouse. Feeling loved and treasured. He just wants a Wham-Bam-Thank-You-Ma'am right now. That's not a marriage. That's not healthy for your relationship at all.Of course, liking a good "fuck" every once in a while is normal. Everything doesn't always have to be romantic or planned. It feels good to be naughty and raunchy. But if you're talking in a marriage, and all of the time, no, you're definitely not being treated right at all!It sounds like he HAS trained his body AND mind to like sex one way, HIS. He isn't treating you like his wife, but more like a prostitute, or a one-night stand, IMO. The first step into getting back into the MARRIAGE bed, and not just the fucking bed, is communication. Honest, upfront communication. AWAY from the bedroom. Tell him that you want to talk to him one night. Shut the TV off, radio, kids are in bed-asleep, comfy clothes are on, low lighting-all calming things and no distractions. And tell him your concerns in the most neutral way possible. Don't do the Shame & Blame thing. Using terminology like "I've noticed that we" Use WE a lot. For, I'm sure he has concerns too. Do not be insulting (name calling-that sort of thing). Remind him of how you were when you first got together. Stay calm. If you get all hysterical, it just won't do anyone any good. There will probably be tears. From what I got in your post, at least the tone, your heart is hurting. You feel distanced from him, and you don't like it. Ask him his feelings. "How do you feel about this?" "What can WE do to change this?"If he is unwilling to even listen to your feelings and concerns, then there are some very serious issues, and problems in the marriage that can't be fixed if only one person is willing to try and change.I'm sure this is hard to read, and the thoughts of possible outcomes are scary. But everyone deserves to be happy. I wish you the best of luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jeff_bono@yahoo.com Posted April 16, 2008 Members Report Share Posted April 16, 2008 Being married nearly 10 years, in our book, it always boils down to good communication for all topics, including bedroom topics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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