Is It Cheating?

[lifeguard23]

So here's the deal. I was dating a girl "Jen". We spent a lot of time together for about a month and a half but she was still attached to her ex that she dated for about 4 years. They had been broken up for about 6 months before we started dating. "Jen" and I had sex about 10-12 times. We are in college and started dating just before winter break and didn't see each other for very much for about 2 weeks. Anyways i was as patient as I could be with the whole ex thing, i'm not really the jealous type. One night we were drunk, her a lot more than me, and her phone kept ringing and beepeing from phone calls and text messages. so i opened her phone and had a look cause i couldnt go to sleep with all that. i saw that she had talked to him about 3 times as much as she had talked to me over about a week period and had close to 100 text to and from him over about a 4 day period. i had no idea it was that much. I spent the rest of the night on the futon and the next day i told her what the deal was and that i didn't think it could work with that going on and that we should just be friends. She was sad but understood.About two weeks later I start talking to a girl "Ashley" who I had dated for a short time about a year ago, and we had both just ghotten out of serious realtionships at the time and we both felt after a bout a month we were moving too fast and needed to slow it down, well slow down meant she got back together with her ex. Now "ashley" and her bf have been broken up for about 3 months and she and i started hanging out a lot and are more attracted to each other now more than ever. Things are really going good. however we havent had sex and it's been about a month now that we've been dating. I get text and phone calls from "Jen" all the time saying that if i ever need any help with my "needs" etc. that she'd be willing to help out cause she is just as sexually frusterated as I am right now. I've asked "Ashley" if she considers us boyfriend and girlfriend and she just either ignores me or changes the subject. I don't want to push her away so i just let it be. While i don't think sex is a everything in a relationship it is a big part for me. So here's my question after all of that.

If I hook up with "Jen" while "talking" to "Ashley" would you consider it cheating?

[Tyger]

Or, how about posing the question "would you feel cheated on if you found out "Ashley" slept with someone else?"

Do you think "Ashley" thinks you're a couple? Do you think she'd react badly if she found out that you slept with the other girl?

I mean this comment in the nicest way possible: PEOPLE!!!! You have to be honest when dealing with other people!!! If you're not looking for anything steady/commited, then you tell them that!!! If you're looking for a relationship with someone, then stay true to that someone. If you just wanna date, tell them:I'm just looking to date, no strings. If you have said this to "Ashley", and she knows that you're not serious, and keeping options open, then, no it's not cheating. But if you're being exclusive, not seeing anyone else, and niether is she, then I would say, most likely, she would think of it as cheating, and I believe, since you've asked this question, you think it too.

A month isn't a long time to wait before sleeping with someone! I mean, you've said she got out of a fairly long-term relationship. She may not be ready, or know if she wants to go that step. For most women, once you sleep with someone, that's a big Next Level. Even as friends, the relationship changes once you do the naked mambo. She may not be ready to take that step, but the only way to know, is to ask.

The dating game can be a total BITCH!! But it's only a "game" if you play. Honesty, and direct-ness are the way to go. Less confusing for everyone, and both parties know where you stand.

[Mike_d]

alrighty, I picked no on the basis that she won't cough it up as to her feelings on your status and therefore you are not really together. You might be dating, but dating DOES NOT make you exclusive. I agree with Tyger totally on you need to ask yourself if you can handle Ashley bedding other men. I don't feel you are cheating if you are seeing other women if she won't step up to the plate and declare her intentions.