Keeping My Sanity In A Long Distant Relationship

[genearke]

Ok......I am in a long distant relationship. We get to see each other on the weekends we have off and most times we don't get to spend much time wih each other and because of the long wait of the week we find ourselves both very horny and we make love every time we see each other. I dont want this relationship to be only about sex....yet on the other hand, during the days of our separation we e-mail each other everyday and I usually throw in some dirty talk to keep him interested in this relationship-----to keep him interested in me.

Am I going about this wrong?

Should I slow down on the sex?

I don't want him to think that im all about it....but i don't want him to find sex from another woman.

I'm used to guys dumping me for another.

What should I do???

[genearke]

I am sorry to say, Great Sex is NOT going to keep a relationship going in itself. Absense does make the Heart grow fonder, but it also contributes to a high level of FRUSTRATION! For both people. There is no guarantee that a relationship is going to last, if one of the parties simply decides that he/she can't keep going on with this relationship, and chooses to stop.

Are you doing anything wrong? I don't think so, but you haven't told us much to go on. Its great that you have sex everytime you get together, but there needs to be more, both in the sex, and in the relationship. Do you talk to him about what he likes-- ie., how he likes to be pleasured? Does he ask you how you like to be pleasured? Sex is a continuing process of self-discovery for both of you together, and as long as each of you is asking, and trying new things, the sex is probably going okay.

Tell us more about what else the two of you have in common, and what you do together with your clothes on. You mention that you send him salacious messages: does he send them to you, too? Does he still flirt with you when you are together, and do you flirt with him? When you do talk, does he want to hear about your life? And, does he tell you about his day/life? Does he tell you about comments that his friend/family make about his spending every free weekend with you? If someone tells him a compliment about you, does he pass it on? Do you share comments made by your friends about him with him?

Besides groaning together, do you both spend a lot of your waking hours laughing and smiling together?

Those are some of the kinds of questions I would want answered before I would venture to suggest you are headed in the right direction with this man.

In the meanwhile, please remember that none of us is promised tomorrow. Enjoy the time you have with someone who cares about you. If the relationship is going to grow, someone is going to have to take steps to close the physical distance between the two of you, so that the current weekend visits can become more of a standard, daily relationship. Othrwise, he's just a traveling salesman who stops off each week for some nookie. I don't think that is what you want. It certainly is not what you deserve. You don't indicate why the two of you are separated, and if its a temporary thing, this will self- correct in time.

Howard

Howard.....

We do talk about what i like and about what he likes when it comes to sex. and we do talk about how our day went....our weekends....he has told me about his past in detail and i talk more about what i want to do in the future. We dont go straight to sex when we see each other.....we go out and eat and we watch movies together and we have both met and hung out with each others families. and to you question about the erotic conversions we have over e-mail....i do most of the talking.....and he just mostly listen.

we dont really talk about what each other friends think about the other. I met his best friend and his fiance....he never mention what they thought about me......i know that his best friend's fiance does not like me...she prooved that during dinner.....people treat our relationship like a disease because im black and he is white. so i think he tries to keep me away from their negative opinions about me (us).

I dont know what my problem is i guess im just afraid he will one day descide he doesn't want to be with me.....i have attributes that scare men....they say i analyze too much and that im too hard on myself....and i know that i like to let him know what im feeling whenever the emotion is strong so there will be no confussion about what i want and i ask many questions so there will be no confussions about what he wants.

does that help you Howard???

[Tyger]

The best thing that the both of you can do is be honest with each other, and ignore the ignorant people. Easier said than done, I'm sure. Especially since I haven't truly experienced what you're going thru. Who cares if his best friend's fiance' is an idiot? Be proud of who you are. Your man isn't dating her, he is dating you. And if he allows his friends and their SO's to be rude to you, without standing up for you, then I would seriously question him as a man.

So long as you're honest with yourself and your man, keep the lines of communication open, be willing to learn about each other, in and out of the bedroom, that's really all you can do.

As for having men leave you for someone else....you may want to step back and try to take a look at the TYPE of man you go into relationships with, and see if there's a trend. Only YOU can change that. People will cheat if they want to do so. There is NOTHING you can do to ensure that they won't do so.

Working on your self-esteem, self-worth, and overall emotional health will do wonders for you ANd your relationships. Most men prefer to have a very strong emotional woman. Self-doubt, jealousy, and constant worrying is a hard thing to deal with in relationships, day after day. Most people see it as a futile effort. Keeping up with such a person is emotionally and physically draining. My ex husband was always self-doubting, for no reason at all. I constantly assured him, complimented him, and encouraged him. He cheated on me to make himself feel better about himself. So, my efforts were all in vain.

[promiscuouseuphoria]

I can empathize with both the long distance, and the insecurities. My partner is a good 1100 or so miles away from me, and has been since August. We see each other once every two months if I'm lucky - I can't travel more often because I have children, and he hasn't been able to travel because he's been in school. When we see each other again, the first thing on both our minds is sex. And we don't bother being civil and going to dinner or socializing first - we're lucky if we make it out of the airport parking lot without something happening. Straight home, and into the bedroom - a couple hours later after the urge has been satisfied, we go out and have a lovely evening.

Interestingly enough, I've never been worried about it becoming all about sex. My insecurities, vast as they are, don't center around sex - if I think he's going to get tired of me, I figure that's the last thing he'll get tired of! Oddly enough, I get more afraid I'll lose him because I know I'm insecure, and I know it drives him nuts. It drives most men nuts - they look at us and think "I love you, you're amazing, why the hell do you keep saying this crap about yourself?" I'm not going to tell you to stop analyzing/worrying/whatever because we both know that's not going to work. However, if you're aware of it, then maybe you'll have a better chance of reigning the insecurity beast in when it rears it's ugly head.

Look, long-distance is a pain and a half, so if he entered into it willingly he must think there's something there that's worth the time. Also, it's probably safe to assume that so long as sex isn't the only thing you ever do together, he probably won't mind if it's in the forefront when you see each other. A body has needs, not just yours but his as well.

I hope that made sense - I really should stop perusing message boards when I'm exhausted. Anyway, good luck.