Newbie tlaurits Posted June 8, 2007 Newbie Report Share Posted June 8, 2007 Hi all,I am new to the forum. I am a 25 year old female who is in a serious relationship with a 25 year old male. We have known each other for years (since high school) and actually dated in high school (we were each others first loves...first everything). We went our separate ways during college and have been back together for about 2 years. I love our relationship and think that we are well matched in most areas. The one big difference is that his sex drive is voracious, while mine is really mealy. In high school my sex drive was incredible, but now I truly believe that I could go without sex for months and not be concerned about it. This is obviously a huge point of contention between my SO and myself. Don't get me wrong...once we start having sex I am happy to continue, but it's getting to that point that is the problem. I do masturbate fairly regularly, but it's sort of a quick fix if I'm bored or want to fall asleep. My SO gets disappointed because he doesn't always want to be the initiator (and I don't blame him) and I think it also makes him feel like I don't desire him. I have read Mikayla's advice on mismatched sex drives but it seems more like it is geared toward men. I want to know what I can do for myself to get over this hump. Please help me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted June 8, 2007 Members Report Share Posted June 8, 2007 Well, what I see here is a couple who have known each other for a LONG, LONG time! What happens when we are with our SO for an extended period of time? Well, sex gets....routine. Your SO is completely right in not wanting to initiate all the time, he wants to know that YOU desire him as much as HE clearly desires you. Women are mostly unable to separate body image, stress, career and still continue to feel sexual. Also, when we are in a secure relationship, which you indicate that you are, we tend to take things like sex for granted. We know that our SO loves us, and we feel secure in letting the sex fall to the side for sake of other "responsibilities."It is not always an intentional or conscious choice - it is something that just seems to happen. The one good thing is, you say that once sex begins you enjoy it - so it is not as much about you not enjoying sex as it is your desire to initiate sex. Some women sub-consciously feel if they initiate sex it is wrong, or they don't think it is their "place" to do so. Also, sometimes women (and men too) just think about other things in place of sex. Women in particular value alone time, non-sexual moments. SOme women can get more pleasure from cuddling than sex - it is a psychological and physiological reaction.So, what do you do? Change things up! You have to sort of force the thinking on your part and initiate sex in a new and creative way. Jump on your SO lap during a movie. Reach over and grab his cock during a film. Buy new lingerie that makes YOU feel super sexy and in control. Buy a sex toy that you want to use and show your lover how you masturbate with it. There are millions of way to spice things up - and once you start seeing sex as Adult Play Time again, you will look forward to it more and more.One last thought, are you on any medicines that may be inhibiting your sex drive? Particularly, bc pills or anti-depressants. That is a common offender with women with lower sex drives than their SO. So, let me know what you think and we will try to get you happily back in the saddle again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbie tlaurits Posted June 8, 2007 Author Newbie Report Share Posted June 8, 2007 Mikayla,Thank you so much for your response. I do feel funny initiating sex, and I definitely replace sex with other things in my life. I really do want to get over that awkward feeling and just enjoy sex as it is meant to be enjoyed. Yes, I am on bc (seasonale) and have wondered if it might be contributing to my lackluster sex drive. Thanks again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted June 8, 2007 Members Report Share Posted June 8, 2007 Oh Girl, Seasonale is one of the WORST offenders of lower libido! Because you are only getting 4 periods a year and the amount of hormones it takes to do this - your sex drive (and moods probably too) are going to be GREATLY affected! I myself do NOT use birth control pills because I have a history of migraines with aura - but when I did use them, I found a decrease in my sex drive and an increase when I got off them.Now, am I suggesting that you NOT be on BC? NO. However, you may want to consider a different pill or supplement with hormones. I know the idea of not having a period every month seems WONDERFUL, but I am from the school of thought that God gave us periods for a reason, and we need to cleanse our bodies -so I would never opt for that I don;'t think.Talk to you GYNE! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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