I Am So Confused

[darkhart]

ok.. i am a 23 year old chick.. married to a man who i love.. HOWEVER... i am seriously attracted to woman!!!!!

before i met my husband 4 years ago i use to dress in mens clothes from men's shops.. but i have started to dress like a woman because my husband finds it more attractive and because i have tried to deny how i feel..

i am attracted to woman more than i am attracted to men.. even thou i LOVE having sex with my husband .. and have no problems being attracted to him...

i have had these feeling most of my life but have never acted on them.. have never even kissed a woman..

for the past 3 months i have been denying that i like chicks.. have been not looking at chicks like that and have been perving on men.. have been dressing like a woman and feeling ok abt it... then yesterday at work.. i was having the most full on fantasies about this woman.. who is STRAIT and married with kids and 45 years old!!!

wat is wrong with me.. i dont know if i want to sleep with chicks.. i dont know.. but all i can think of is that i want to go out to the shops and buy more mens clothes..

tomoro afternoon i am going to a work function and this woman is goign to be there.. i want nothing more than to turn up to the function in mens clothes... she is never ever ever going to want to be with me.. she is completely strait.. and besides i dont want to cheat on my husband.. this is driving me MENTAL!!!!

i should have experimented when i was 18 or so.. i shouldnt be having these feelings now.. i am so confused.. can anyone help me...

i feel like i am too old to be having a sexual identity crisis!!

thanks

Darkhart

[darkhart]

i just made an appointment to see a psychologist!... but i just need some advice of what to tell them.. how to start? its all fine and well to type my feelings but to speak them.. i dont know wat to say!

[Mikayla1]

Hello and Welcome!

I think that your issue (I won't say problem) is more than just a slight attraction to women. As I read your post I was struck by one thing in particular - your desire to dress in men's clothing. Now, while women wear suits, jeans, pants, etc - how far do you take the "men's clothing" thing? If you really feel "manly" and have none of those female desires to fix your hair, put on make-up, have longer nails, shave your legs, all those "female" things - then you may have an issue with gender identity and hence that is why you are attracted to women.

Many people get into marriages and relationships and tell themselves that they like fucking their mates - when in reality, they want to go the other way. This can be as simple as being gay or lesbian, being bi-sexual or bi-curious, or having an innate feeling that one is not their current sex.

Most women fantasize about being with another woman at some point in their life. This is normal and healty. Some women actually become men, and then want to be with men - some, then with women. It is not an easy situation to be in I am sure.

I would suggest just telling the DR how you have felt, what you are comfortable in, and the confusing feelings that you are having. They are the experts and can ask the questions they need to.

good luck!

[darkhart]

thank you for your help..

wen it comes to mens clothing i like to wear anything from the mens section.. havent gone as far as to wear a suit.. no i dont wear make up.. no i dont grow my fingers.. i generally never use to do anything feminine at all.. also i like to play the lead role in a relationship (traditionally the "men's role") .. i like to be the money earner, the strong one.. the protector.. i like to be in control.. i dont enjoy girly things.. but i dont have the urge to have a sex change at any time... i would love to know wat it feels like to have a penis but i think that is a normal thought...

even if i do find that i am bi.. there is nothing i can do abt it.. i am in a relationship.. i am committed.. a 3some is not an option.. i could not bear to have my partner with another woman... i dunno.. there is no solution.. but yes i will be going to the appointment.. and until then i will continue to dress like a chick and not go on the shopping spree to buy men's clothes...

i grew up with 3 brothers and liked to share there clothes.. although i dont live there anymore

i think one of the biggest mistakes i made was ignoring it for 3 months.. in the past i have just accepted it as part of me but the 3 months i denied it.. then it has hit my with full force yesterday.. cuz i havent thort abt it for the full 3 months...

my husband is fully aware of all these things i have discussed and also thinks going to a therapist will help just so i can talk it out with them.. he has known from the beginning my feelings forwoman.. and he has jsut accepted it as part of me.. he is worried abt me becasue i am now gettign really upset abt it.. becasue i just dont know who i am...

i feel like a girl but i have no desire to act like one.. or actually go down on a chick.. so its like i dont identify with either.. i dont want to have a sex change .. i love men.. i look at them and find them attractive.. but i also find woman attractive.. more so than men. probably becasue i can have a man at home.. but a woman is like "want wat u cant have"...

CONFUSING..

[darkhart]

however in addition to this.. i used to teach ballroom dancing which is a very female thing to do.. i use to dress really feminine .. makeup, hair.. etc.. this was at the same time as havign the mens wardrobe for every day wear.. it was like i was living to different lives... i would feel confident in both environments.. however then i stopped ballroom dancing and then i just dressed liek a man.. and felt good abt it..

even more confused!!!

[Tyger]

I can definitely see/hear why you may be confused! But, you are not alone for sure. There are thousands, if not millions of people that enjoy dressing like the opposite gender for one reason or another. Are you just more comfortable in men's clothing? Since mens clothes are (obviously) not designed for the female body, the clothing tends to hang much different on our bodies, less constricting, and more comfy overall, in a lot of cases.

Do you feel like you're a man trapped in a woman's body? Or just more comfortable in male clothes? Do you like the male role better? Which gender do you feel attracted too? These are some of the questions the well recommended counselor will probably ask.

You said that you love being with your husband, but am growing a curiousity about being with a woman. You may possibly be Bi-sexual. This doesn't make you a bad wife, or even a bad person. People are attracted to who they're attracted too. You can't help that. It's great that you're so committed to your spouse, and I do applaud that. But, at the same time, how fair is it to yourself, if you stay in a relationship that you're not completely happy in? That's a hard reality to face, and it's your choice, ultimately, to decided how you want to handle your life. Councelling will help you figure out what YOU want to do with your life, and how to handle it. Yes, your husband may be hurt if you have to leave, due to your sexual orientation. Or, he may welcome your curiousity. It won't be easy. But, if he loves you, then he'll want you to be happy, no matter what the choices made.

I wish you many positive steps in making your life a bit less confusing! Best wishes.