Retro Series Double Feature

[Valntyn]

Packaged as part of a double feature, Oriental Jade is a typical 70s porn which loosely follows the plotline of the behind-the-scenes of making a porn. Big hair, bad acting, natural breasts and full pubes are a few things you’ll find in this flick. There’s also cum-shots, girl-on-girl, threesomes & LOTS of titty-fucking.

See if you can spot the Burt Reynolds and Geraldo Rivera look-a-likes or the scene created after The Blue Lagoon (which was actually our favorite scene for the tree balancing act alone!). Listen also for the “jungle orgasms” as monkeys, tigers and elephants enhance the sounds of climax.

The second film is All American Girls Part 1, Oh Beautiful!, about a birthday party you’ll wish you were invited to! Long after a 70s graduation, seven sorority sisters gather to one of the girl’s mansions to celebrate her birthday. The only presents she wants are for her “sisters” to tell their stories of their naughtiest, raunchiest sexual encounters since graduation. Join them as they get all dolled-up and share tales of violin concertos (our favorite), dining out and sex overseas.

The only scene in this second movie my husband and I didn’t care for was the first one. It started out great with the birthday girl getting ready for her guests and her French maid helping her (oo la la!), but then they invite the “retard” (their word, not mine) handyman to join and that was highly inappropriate IN OUR EYES. But, don’t let that deter you - aside from this one scene, it was a pretty darn good flick. If you like full bush, leg warmers and small breasts, try this film out!

All in all a good pair of full-length movies, especially if you yearn for the older-make of porn movies. Love how porn used to be made? Take a step back in time and get Retro Series Double Feature today!

[jesso]

"See if you can spot the Burt Reynolds and Geraldo Rivera look-a-likes or the scene created after The Blue Lagoon (which was actually our favorite scene for the tree balancing act alone!). Listen also for the “jungle orgasms” as monkeys, tigers and elephants enhance the sounds of climax."

ahahahahahaha. I'm currently reviewing this film as well and laughed so hard when the "jungle orgasms" started playing. Did you hear the locomotive too? Everything in this paragraph was so on spot for what I giggled uncontrolably about

Oh and the full bush - talk about a romp through the jungle.

[Mikayla1]

Bow-Chicka-Bow-Wow....this is definitely your DADDY's porn - straight from the era of 'Behind the Green Door'! This adult entertainment double feature by Adam and Eve is reminiscent of all things "retro!" From a time when Ron Jeremy was THIN and not so pudgy / gross looking - this porno will take you back to a time when adult entertainment was called a PORNO! With all your favorite retro-sheik characteristics like: FULL and I mean F U L L bushes, blue eyeshadow, garters and stockings (you know, the TAN topped ones?), TITTY-FUCKING galore, money shots, small, natural breasts, blowjobs a plenty, real-time sex scenes (about 5 minutes of actual sex), BAD costumes (boas and lace are abounding), NO PLOT (but pornos aren't supposed to right?) and sex that is.....sex.

That describes what you will SEE on these films, what you will hear is the typical mus-AK associated with porn, soundtracks that do not match the actors, orgasm sounds that are obviously faked, and some really bad dialogue.

What is missing from these films: SHAVEN snatches, really dirty language, anal sex, toys, lesbians that want to be lesbians, strap-ons, creative sex scenes, good oral sex for the women and interesting costuming and appearances!

There is also a noticeable difference in the male actors "penile size" in my opinion. They were all average or below (Ron Jeremy excluded), had WAY too much pubic hair hiding their crowing glory, and had NO stamina whatsoever! This goes to prove that this film was done BEFORE penis pumps and Viagra!

This film totally failed to do anything for me (or my hubby) but I am confident in saying it was all about the non-shaven pussies for us! There is NO attempt at trimming or waxing and the guys have to go a diggin' to find anything resembling the clit! That is an instant turn off for me.

I am also a girl who prefers the fake-baked, full-fake breasted, pierced, fully shaven snatched, dirty talking, acrobatic, strap-on wearing, anal sex having, pussy licking, orgy having girls of today's films. I prefer my men husky not wimpy, I like hot sex with great scenes (although the jungle sex scene in Oriental Jade is quite good - that girl has MAD skills!) I just prefer things cleaner in general. I think what lost it for me in the second feature was the putting on of lipstick...on her LOWER lips! Uggghhhh!

So, why get this film? Waxing sentimental baby! If you are a porno conossieur, you will want to add these retro classics to your collection. This was a time when sex was sex, and these actors were pioneers in the industry. Doing what seemed "dirty" then - but was just the beginning of what we have today! Of course, if you are into the "retro porn" thing - then this is IT for you! From a time when a hard-on was unmedically assisted and the girls really worked during the movie - this retro-romp will have you laughing, crying, and saying "ewwwww" - but it is still worth the watch!

Go RETRO Baby!!