Views On Sexual Beliefs

[Tyger]

I was thinking one day, where do people really get their views/beliefs when it comes to sex? Are they instilled by their parents? Religion? Do we allow our own experiences allow us our own opinions? Personally, I believe it’s a bit of all of that. Some people are more influenced by others, when it comes to forming their own sexual views.

I dig out my flashlight, and go back into the deepest recesses in my mind to try and remember where exactly I got my fairly open-minded views when it comes to sex, sexual practices, sex toys, and different sexual lifestyles, switch on the light, and take a journey back…..gee, I need to dust in here……

My impressionable ages were in the 80’s. I graduated high school in 1991. Admittedly, my mother and I never really had “The Talk”. I don’t think she was worried about me. I was pretty level-headed & mature for my age. I stayed out of trouble, and was smart. In retrospect, I wish my mother had talked to me about sex, but I don’t think she knew how to really go about it, so my sexual education really began in school.

Starting in 5th grade, our school system had sex education, with parental consent. Something I wish was still available for kids in school. When we started, girls learned about girl parts, boys learned about boy parts, and how they all worked. Later, progressing through the grades, we learned more and more about how those parts worked with the opposite sex, pregnancy, STD’s, and how that all transferred between 2 people having sexual intercourse.

In middle school, I had friends that were having sex with their MUCH older boyfriends, thinking that that was cool. I knew I wasn’t ready for such a big step. I learned through them, that sleeping with someone doesn’t bond them to you for life, mean that they will love you, and that there are users out there that just want a piece, and they don’t care where they get it from.

Loosing my virginity at the age of 16, which was about average back then, I made sure to have & use condoms, which they gave out free at the Family Planning clinics. I read all the pamphlets they had in their lobby. I went on birth control & learned about what was going in my body & how it affected me. I didn’t want to have a baby before I was mature enough to handle that. I also learned that the lovers I picked, could affect me in more ways than one.

I learned from my 2nd live-in boyfriend, that asking and trying new things in the bedroom was a wonderful thing! He was 5 yrs older than I, but only a tad more experienced. He was a wonderful teacher and giver in the bedroom. I’m eternally grateful to him for allowing me to expand my sexual experimentations. I never looked back!

It’s hard for me to understand how some people find sex “dirty”. Why is it acceptable to watch animals on educational channels mating, yet watching people mating is called pornography? Animals mate mostly for reproducing, yet, some animals, such as dolphins, also mate for the sheer pleasure of it.

Some barriers are harder than others to get past, overcome, or change in the slightest way. Like religious beliefs, which seem to be the biggest barriers when it comes to people viewing sex as a natural, fun thing to experience. Why does religion teach that sex is dirty? After all, Churches usually promote marriage, and happy marriages include a fulfilling sex life! How is feeling totally comfortable in the bedroom a bad thing? Understandably, they also promote morality, and having more than one sex partner is not usually considered appropriate, especially not as appropriate as saving yourself for marriage. However, this is not overly realistic today, now is it? But, if you're going to share your body with someone, why not be completely open and honest about how you feel and what you want? If you're not shy about having sex with them, why be shy about talking with them about sex too?

Are there ways of changing how someone, or yourself, feels about sex? It depends on how well they listen, and are willing to take other views into consideration. When it comes to trying to sway someone differently from what they believe, it’s always a good idea to educate yourself as much as possible, having answers for many of their questions they may have, and also LISTENING to their point of view on the subject. Never insult their opinions or bring them down because of them. Respect their feelings. If you don’t do those 2 important things, the person you’re having this discussion with will close you off and nothing will be resolved. After all, who wants to be put down for what they think?

I truly believe that you can change how YOU feel about anything, if you’re willing to learn and keep an open mind about stuff. You should not have to give up your morals to do so. But trying to keep an open mind about thoughts other than what you’ve been brought up to believe is important. Instead of saying, “NOT!” when it comes to an idea, really mull it over in your head, research it, ask questions, BEFORE you dismiss it.

Keeping an open mind in the bedroom is equally important. A willingness to try new things, and listening to what your lover wants to try keeps things new and exciting in your relationship.

Taking slow steps in trying new things is a good idea: Learning how to walk, before you run, kind of thinking.

Learn, live, & love. What better advice can there truly be?

That’s my opinion, and I welcome yours!

[Mikayla1]

This is all very true Tyger! We all get our sexual identity, views and opinions of what is 'right or wrong' from a variety of places! I think you are dead on when you say that we can 'change' these views if we want to. This is so important for those persons who struggle to make sex something less......dirty. THe mind is a powerful thing (even if it is a bit dusty!)

Great article!

[Tyger]

Thank you so much! Glad you liked it.

[pappyld04]

Great article Tyger! Well thought, well written and I'll be damned if it isn't true also! One thought I might add is how we let others dictate our attitudes also!! I find that many who have never tried something choose their positions and attitudes by the things that others have told them. Anal being one of the most popular in the list of things their peers said was nasty. Even oral falls into this with some people. I think my education began in like third grade or so with a black girl who sat beside me and used to love to reach over and grab my dick. I even fought it like I didn't like it but damned if I didn't spend the next hour or so squirming in my chair trying to relieve the hard-on. Not the greatest start but still better than the old gossip channel. My views on other than Caucasian lovers may be different if things hadn't happened the way they did. Who knows? Falls pretty much into the same area as the old point of view that you weren't a man until you'd had sex with a black woman. My X father-in-law actually asked me about that and then looked shicked when I told him I had been with quite a few. That did serve to shut down his questions on that topic. It's funny that the unpopular response draws the most curiosity!!!!!