Help With The Hubby

[Mikayla1]

My husband and I have been married 10 years...I have a very high sex drive, I like everything from bondage to movies to exhibitionism. My husband is more of the "in the bedroom" kind of guy. getting him to do anything on the wild side is hard. I need to get him to open up and feel more relaxed and in my space. i always though men liked porn and aggressive women, but he just has a hard time going there. Do I give up and have less sex and less fun sex or is there a way to get what I want? HELP!

[bigdaddy]

My husband and I have been married 10 years...I have a very high sex drive, I like everything from bondage to movies to exhibitionism.  My husband is more of the "in the bedroom" kind of guy.  getting him to do anything on the wild side is hard.  I need to get him to open up and feel more relaxed and in my space.  i always though men liked porn and aggressive women, but he just has a hard time going there.  Do I give up and have less sex and less fun sex or is there a way to get what I want?  HELP!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Come over baby, ill drive you wild, and make you scream

[Chris4u]

The perception that men are crazed animals who want nothing but rough, kinky sex is far far from the truth.

Of all the friends I talk to about sex, the overwhelming majority who have tried bondage have never tried it again or they do it very rarely. I fall into that class, especially the whole bondage with leather and domination factors involved. It's just not my thing. I think the look of it scares guys away from it. It's also not intimate sex. I've always loved intimate sex, but as I get older I find that it is my preference over anything strickly kinky. From what it sounds like, your husband is like most guys and even if you finally convince him to do try it, he may not like it, or he'll do it occasionally to satisfy only you.

I was watching a program last night on HBO where a British couple were having sex problems. The problem was that they had nothing but leather, harnesses, you name it, just kinky-ass things and they each complained that sex wasn't all it could be b/w them. She was like you, loved to be dominated and dressing up in such attire. He on the otherhand wasn't fully comfortable with it and she projected her dissatisfaction during sex.

The counselors told them to do missionary and other intimate sexual positions and after a couple of weeks they both enjoyed sex with each other by 2-fold.

Your husband will most likely stay like he is. The kinky/fetish sex is something one aquires an interest early on. I'm not saying your born with it, but if it doesn't intrigue him now, 90-95% chance that it never will.

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with the style sex you want, and I think you should ask him simply to try it with you and let him adjust and grow into it. He may never be even 90% into it, but you deserve to have your fantacies and desires approached just as much as he likes to stay away from them.

Just discuss it with him. You can do it while sitting on the couch, while seducing him, or before/during sex.

It can't hurt to discuss it with him...you may be suprised how willing he is to satisfy you in that way.

He loves you and I'm sure he'll place effort into this new-found realm, since he knows you would be happier by it.

[Mikayla1]

The perception that men are crazed animals who want nothing but rough, kinky sex is far far from the truth.

Of all the friends I talk to about sex, the overwhelming majority who have tried bondage have never tried it again or they do it very rarely.  I fall into that class, especially the whole bondage with leather and domination factors involved.  It's just not my thing.  I think the look of it scares guys away from it.  It's also not intimate sex.  I've always loved intimate sex, but as I get older I find that it is my preference over anything strickly kinky.  From what it sounds like, your husband is like most guys and even if you finally convince him to do try it, he may not like it, or he'll do it occasionally to satisfy only you.

I was watching a program last night on HBO where a British couple were having sex problems.  The problem was that they had nothing but leather, harnesses, you name it, just kinky-ass things and they each complained that sex wasn't all it could be b/w them.  She was like you, loved to be dominated and dressing up in such attire.  He on the otherhand wasn't fully comfortable with it and she projected her dissatisfaction during sex.

The counselors told them to do missionary and other intimate sexual positions and after a couple of weeks they both enjoyed sex with each other by 2-fold.

Your husband will most likely stay like he is.  The kinky/fetish sex is something one aquires an interest early on.  I'm not saying your born with it, but if it doesn't intrigue him now, 90-95% chance that it never will.

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with the style sex you want, and I think you should ask him simply to try it with you and let him adjust and grow into it.  He may never be even 90% into it, but you deserve to have your fantacies and desires approached just as much as he likes to stay away from them.

Just discuss it with him.  You can do it while sitting on the couch, while seducing him, or before/during sex. 

It can't hurt to discuss it with him...you may be suprised how willing he is to satisfy you in that way.  

He loves you and I'm sure he'll place effort into this new-found realm, since he knows you would be happier by it.

[Mikayla1]

I found all of this information interesting, informative and not at all surprising. Of course I know that not all men are sex starved animals who just want to have kinky sex...I know that as much as I know not all women need to be totally seduced and have candles and wine and the whole romance thing. I like a full range of sexual scenarios. I like sex in general. The problem is more that my hubby doesn't want to have sex in general as often as I do in any way. His sex drive is low no matter what we seem to do. I have tried to do most of what he want and now I am at the point I want to do what I like because I get sex so little. I am a little more "advanced" if you want to look at it that way...but I am not one of those dominant whips and chains kind of women all the time. I like to experiment...I like to see what will give me pleasure. I like to see what will give him pleasure as well. I think that our problem is finding what will do it for both of us...get him in the mood as well. How do I get it out of him because when we have these talks, and we have had these talks, all I get is "I don't know for sure what I want" so what do I do with that? I even wonder sometimes if he is gay. I mean I am a nice looking woman...not perfect, but nice. so what's up with that? Any more advice?

[Chris4u]

Okay, I have a better perception of what is going on.

It's like you stated, he just needs to get in the mood. I found the HBO program very interesting and even though it's not the same scenario, you can probably borrow some of the concepts.

Here's what the therapists told the couple on the programs:

1) set some goals and both of you must commit to them each day

2) don't have intercourse for a week...this might be painful to you but probably feels alright with him...but you MUST have him engage you in intimate acts. For example, your preparing luch or something and he comes from behind and caresses your hips and butt and foundly kisses your neck and shoulder.

3) each day sit facing each other naked, sitting down with legs crossed, and gaze into each others eyes while the tips of your fingers touch his. They did this on the program for I don't know how long each day, but it was part of the system they were to commit to.

4) start and end each day snuggling together and kissing, etc.

Do this for a week and then go into sex like missionary (only sex where your face-to-face and can kiss each other obviously)

Hopefully after two weeks from the beginning of this program you'll see a huge improvement on your relationship. It really worked for the couple and their problem was intamacy. I think your husband needs to get this tackled first before you move on to different approaches in sex.

Try it out if you would and reply back in 2 weeks. I'd be really interested, as would others, if this sort of thing works.

If it doesn't, go to a sex therapist and see if they can pinpoint the problem for you two, or hopefully someone else on this forum can give better advice.