Orgasm Problems W/ Bf

[wow123]

Hi! I have been reading your board for a while and decided to join. Of course I need advice!

I have been dating this great guy for about 3 1/2 months. When we first had sex and he gave me oral, he wasn't the best. I couldn't have a orgasm with him giving me oral. I could use my vibrator and no problem.

I am not big on giving guys oral, but with him I want to. So, we tried 69 and he made me squirt all over him, well he came all over me. It was wonderful. I know we have that chemistry. But, when he goes down there on me, it just doest happen. He has made me come 3 or 4 times while I was giving him oral...69.

I didn't want to tell him he just wasn't the best I have had, because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Well, he started catching on and asking me about it. I was kinda vague about it with him...

So, now for the last two nights we have tried and I can't, so I break out the vibrator and he is feeling so BAD!

The night before we tried and nothing, so I swung my legs over his hips while he was in me and I had a orgasm. But he is so hell bent on oral and me coming. He also googled how to please me..lol...too funny. I know he tries, but I am freaking out because now I feel so awkward about it.

Help? What is going on?????

[wow123]

Sex and orgasm can be a funny thing: you may have difficulty coming when he is offering up oral not because he is less than good at it (you come when in a 69), so it may be that YOU have some repressed emotions about lying back and being 'done'....some folks have a tough time allowing themselves to relax and 'let go' and enter into a sexual space that is 'trance like', allowing their lover to totally indulge them...in addition (believe it or not) there are dozens of ways to use one's mouth and tongue during oral sex with a woman...perhpas he needs YOU to tell him how you like it?

Something about him down there, he is just not that great. I am telling you..lol..I noticed it right off the bat when we first had sex. The 69 thing, I can't explain. I also don't think I am fully relaxed when he is down there. I can't be! I did finally kinda tell him how and where to go...

Also, I think he was so worried about it (which is what he is saying) that I am so stressed now and when he is down there all I can think about is I better do it..lol..omg...I am so confused!

[pappyld04]

First welcome to the forum. EVERY man who has laid claim to being a great lover has been taught not self-educated. It is very important that you both communicate honestly in this area. If you allow this to continue you will never be happy with him. TEACH HIM.

[wow123]

His confidence problem may be contributing...guys need to learn how to accept directions form their woman...some of us get insulted or insecure when a woman tells us how to do something sexual, because many of us have the mistaken notion that we should and do know everything about sex....pssst: each woman is different...YOU are doing what is called 'spectatoring': you are too focused on 'watching' his performance and your reactions...you need to shut that off and just lie back and enjoy the sensations in your body....the discovery for both of you of what works and what doesn't should be part of the play, part o the journey into enjoying each other...you might be working too hard at it...remember, it's supposed to be FUN!

Thanks! I know I think you hit it dead on. I think I have major issues with it. I don't get it. I am so pissed. He was and still is so obsessed with me having a orgasm every single time. He always asks after no matter what. Now I am afraid it's become this "thing" you know...and I don't want to dread it and stress if he is going to make me.

[wow123]

First welcome to the forum. EVERY man who has laid claim to being a great lover has been taught not self-educated. It is very important that you both communicate honestly in this area. If you allow this to continue you will never be happy with him. TEACH HIM.

Thanks! I love this place. I am so afraid of this happening. He wants to talk about it and I don't. Because I don't know what to say....lol....I don't want him to feel bad. Last night was bad...lol...I wanted to just go to bed and he wanted to make sure I wasn't mad. Then he says maybe he needs to start going back to the gym!!! I am thinking what!!!!! How would that help your mouth on me..lol........

[wow123]

Great lovers( both men and women) are trained, not born. The two of you have to communicate EXACTLY what you want. This is a big problem for people WHO DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY WANT! That is why sites like this one are here. Read our Sex Education articles here.

Above all else, Sex is about Adult Playtime. Its about FUN. If you are not playing with each other, and laughing( the best way to relax), giggling, ( ditto), teasing, tickling, massaging, rubbing, caressing, kissing, licking, sucking, blowing, scratching, nibbling, fondling, each other, one of you is doing something wrong!

There is a product sold here call Viva Cream. Its is being highly recommended because of the way it helps women become aroused. Try it. You will find it by clicking on the " shopping " tab at the top of the page.

You can also learn to relax by taking slow deep breaths, and exhaling long slow and deep breaths, then counting slowly to 5 before inhaling again. If you are being stimulated, you will almost surely climb right up to an orgasm. The breathing technique is an old yoga technique to get people to relax their entire bodies, so they can stretch parts of their bodies that have not be stretched in ages.

Keep up informed of your progress.If you can, get your husband to read the Sex Articles with you so that you can both be better aware of what each needs to be doing to have fun, and have a bunch of orgasms while you are doing so.

Howard

Ok, thanks Howard. I am going to try the breathing thing tonight.

I think I have read every sex ed article on here, just because...lol...I love it! Such a cool place.

We do play around a lot with each other, we laugh and cut up all the time. I have never done this with anyone I have ever been with before. He makes me feel good all around. I want to please him, and now I feel like it's all my fault.

So I will try this tonight and let you know. I have got to relax, I have to figure out how of course first...geez I'm tired can't u tell????? ;p

[wow123]

Herer is a suggestion for how to relax once he is in your pussy. ( This tends to be a moment of great excitement for many women.) When My lover allows my cock to fully enter her, I just stop moving all together, and just enjoy feeling her around my cock! A lot of guys( and me too, at one time) just begin pumping back and forth as soon as they get in. Its as if they are off to the races. I stopped doing that. Here's why.

NOt only did my wife relax, and slow her breathing while we talked, and laughed, and fooled around with our hands and mouths, but eventually, ( about a couple of minutes) her pussy began making involuntary contractions around my cock. THAT IS HEAVENLY, Guys and gals! I would not move until she began having involuntary contractions. Then I would move slowly, because she could not feel every micro inch of movement, she was fully aroused, and it didn't take all that much movement to get her heading up to her orgasms. It was fun to watch her face as she felt every little movement of me in her pussy, and could not stop but have her orgasm(s). She often was laughing as she headed on up there, and all I had to do was rock my hips gently to help her over the top. A lot less work for me, GUYS. Of course, as soon as she went into orgasm, her pussy grabbed onto my cock with a vengeance, and only the smallest movement was possible. I did move, anyway, and once she was on top, the slightest touch, or movement would send her to another orgasm, and I could keep her having multiple orgasms for at least 30 seconds, before she needed to really catch her breath.

When she finally came back down to earth, and her eyes both focused, it was clear that she was AWOL for those many seconds, and had absolutely no conscious knowledge of what was going on down here on Planet Earth at all. She would ask me, " Did you cum?" I would jerk my hips, so she could feel my still very erect cock in her pussy, and say," I don't know, did I?" She would laugh and tell me, " You don't feel like you did!" " I guess then, I didn't. Want to do something about that? "then she would begin consciously squeezing my cock with her pussy muscles, and laugh and say, " Of course I do!" She would wrap her feet around my ass, and use her heels to put pressure on my butt cheeks, to make me move in her, all the while squeezing and releasing my cock with her muscles.

One way or another, she had more orgasms, and I finally came too.

So, to relax, start slow, and let your body get you aroused. Trust me, the very idea that you are laying there quietly with your guy's cock fully inserted in your pussy will become so erotic, that you can't help yourself. If you don't squeeze his cock intentionally, your brain will do so unconsciously for you. Use your feet to rub the back of his legs. The action will employe leg muscles attached to your labia, and will begin the sensation trip for you. You can lift your legs up and rotate your hips. to make him go deeper, while you put your feet along his ears. Just because you are on your back in the missionary position does not mean you can't move around and have fun.

Howard

Wow, I can't wait.....very very very very cool! Thanks....going to do that tonight...lol

[pappyld04]

Thanks! I love this place. I am so afraid of this happening. He wants to talk about it and I don't. Because I don't know what to say....lol....I don't want him to feel bad. Last night was bad...lol...I wanted to just go to bed and he wanted to make sure I wasn't mad. Then he says maybe he needs to start going back to the gym!!! I am thinking what!!!!! How would that help your mouth on me..lol........

I sense a lot of insecurity here on his part more than your own. I don't have the slightest clue as to what he thinks the gym will do for him or you. 10 reps and it's over just will not cut it. I haven't caught onto why you are afraid of being honest and communicating what you need from him. This site is THE BEST that I have found for learning and sharing with others. Please take advantage of it FULLY!!!

[wow123]

I sense a lot of insecurity here on his part more than your own. I don't have the slightest clue as to what he thinks the gym will do for him or you. 10 reps and it's over just will not cut it. I haven't caught onto why you are afraid of being honest and communicating what you need from him. This site is THE BEST that I have found for learning and sharing with others. Please take advantage of it FULLY!!!

I know you are right about his insecurities.....because he is just like that. I think that's where is all began. He is so into pleasing me I think he freaks about it and finally it has exploded. I don't want to hurt his feelings....

[pappyld04]

I know you are right about his insecurities.....because he is just like that. I think that's where is all began. He is so into pleasing me I think he freaks about it and finally it has exploded. I don't want to hurt his feelings....

I don't know if I would agree with the statement that he is so into pleasing you here. If he is too embarrassed to even consider coming into this forum and at least putting in the effort, this IMHO, is all about his ego. I would bet that there are many men here who would admit that they joined this site to better their skills at pleasing their ladies. I am only one. I've always considered myself above the "average" but I have learned much here. For him to play this game with you is just not right. I can only ask you why you joined this site and that should cast your shadows for you!!!

[Amylynn920]

Hi and welcome!

First off the advice I have to give is relax, and your partner needs to relax. He wants you to come orally, which is great but you just aren't there yet.

When you're 69'ing what position are you in? Top or bottom? Maybe it just feels better for you in one over the other.

Is he using his fingers while going down on you?

Also I think you are way too much focusing on the "I have to come while he's going down on me" and the fact that you are center stage when he does that you can't relax and get into it.

What about him using your vibe on you while going down on you?

My husband gives the best and I mean THE BEST oral. The other night we had a 40 minute session where I came a couple of times from him going down on me. I was able to relax, lay back and let him go to town. It was great being the receiver.

Just try and relax and lose yourself in what he's doing. I bet you eventually will come. Sex is PLAY not work. Don't ever let it become that.

Good luck!