Newbie samstev Posted February 14, 2008 Newbie Report Share Posted February 14, 2008 I'm 32 years old and scared of sex. Not the sex part but of catching a disease. I'm very aware of how to prevent STD's through condoms and careful selection of partners but still have aniexty. I have no one to talk to about this so very happy to find this message board! I have a major fear of illnesses and do not like to go to doctors because I fear being sick. This is a obsession I have had for years. I've met a nice guy who I'm afraid to get intimate with because I'm very anixous of getting some sort of STD or getting pregnant. I can't talk to him about it he will think I'm a nut and don't want to scare him off. I met a man a few years ago who I thought was a great guy but found out he was bi and having sex with lots of different men. I broke it off with him from worrying about catching something from him!I need some reasurrance or someone to help me with this problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted February 14, 2008 Members Report Share Posted February 14, 2008 [i think barring the extremes that Iha has mentioned, worrying about STDs is not only normal, it is smart! I would suggest you get on the pill, patch or shot for the birth control. If you are sexually active, you need to be on birth control if you do not want to get pregnant. Then, I would ask my partners about their sexual history, use condoms AND dental dams EVERY time you have sex and if you are having a serious relationship, I would ask for an STD check.Sorry folks, but this is the world we live in, and one bad choice can make the difference between life and death! Good for you!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pappyld04 Posted February 14, 2008 Members Report Share Posted February 14, 2008 Sorry folks, but this is the world we live in, and one bad choice can make the difference between life and death! Good for you!!! I don't see the need for the first word here, Mikayla. But it is good to see that safety is taking precedence in this poster's life! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbie samstev Posted February 15, 2008 Author Newbie Report Share Posted February 15, 2008 I don't see the need for the first word here, Mikayla. But it is good to see that safety is taking precedence in this poster's life!Thanks for all the replies to my message. I do have OCD not so much with germs in general just afraid of getting sick and dying from sexual diseases like AIDS and also I worry about getting cancer. I have a terrible fear of going to doctors so the thought of being sexually active scares me because I'm nervous I'll get a STD then I will have to do to the doctor. My fear of doctors comes from an early age I had a horrible, mean Peditrician who was a real jerk. He gave me a phobia of doctors that I still have today. Also, a lot of people in my family have died of cancer which reinforces my fear of illness and doctors. It really sucks feeling this way I know it's not normal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted February 15, 2008 Report Share Posted February 15, 2008 I dunno HOW I missed this post!!!My mother has OCD, and I see her constantly go off about germs. She uses that hand sanitizing gel on EVERYTHING, and tries to get me to use it every time I turn around. I think I may be developing some form of OCD as well, but that remains to be seen.If you are obsessing about it, and it's making it impossible for you to have a relationship with anyone, then it does sound like you have a bit of an issue. It's unfortunate that you're so wary of doctors. I had a few bad experiences with my pediatrician, but it was due to proceedures that I had to have done (excessive ear wax build-ups and ear scrapings......ew!!). But, in time, I grew to understand, thru finding doctors that I actually liked, that for the most doctors, they are there to help you. And, you have to speak up and ask questions when you have them. Doctors work for YOU, not the other way around. So, as the patient, even though the doctors are there to help YOU, YOU'RE the one that pays THEM, so, you are ultimately in control of your health care.I hope you're at least able to find some sort of counselor to help you with the issues you're having.As far as STDs go, yes they're out there, and many can be scary. I have genital herpes. It sucks, can be a bit on the uncomfortable side at times, during a flare up, but, as anything in life, I deal with it. After I found out about that, I had a full work up, and am clear of everything else. My now-husband had tests done soon after I found out, and he's clean and clear too. I went into a depression when I first found out. I felt nasty, dirty, and unworthy. I told my now-hubby, who was then just my boyfriend of about 5 mos, that I wouldn't blame him if he left me. And I would've understood it. But, he really made me think when he told me that it was manageable, it wasn't a death sentence, and it could've been a lot worse! He's stood by me ever since. I now understand that I didn't do anything wrong. It was just a twist of fate. I'm not nasty, dirty, or unworthy at all. If anything, this has made me a bit more assertive in my health care, and more open-minded. It didn't stop me from having a child with my hubby (via c-section), or hasn't stopped me from living my life. I tell most of my really close friends & family about it, and they are shocked. They never would've guessed that I have an STD. When they get curious and ask questions, I answer them as honestly as I can.Why did I delve that far? Because I wanted to let you know that being slightly scared is smart, but letting it control your life is a shame. There is life out there. Don't be afraid to live it, no matter what! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cfhayback Posted February 16, 2008 Members Report Share Posted February 16, 2008 eat, drink and make merry, for tomorrow we may die...morbid, but true.be careful, but enjoy your life.and sex can be (should be?) a HUGE part of your life...these are somewhat enlightened, sexual times. not like the repressive past (for the most part). there are precautions to be had/taken to prevent a disease... take advantage of them.quick story... i was married for 9 years to a woman who had herpes. we had sex. lots of sex. all kinds of sex. i never got herpes. really! been tested! 100% clean...don't be afraid, but do be cautious... and have fun! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members froggystyle1977 Posted February 18, 2008 Members Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 You have recieved some great advice. My only suggestion to you is to get to a doctor, I know you have a genuine fear and that its hard to do.You have concerns about cancer have had family members pass away and this puts you at risk, getting care can help with that fear. Having to live with this form of OCD must be extremely hard, I personally wouldlike to think I would rather deal with my fear of doctors to help with the other fears. As far as your new partner goes i would suggest telling him you want to wait to be intimate with him until you both have had properSTD testing in this day and age its not uncommon and if he doesn't like it then he isn't really worth it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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