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How Is This For A Novel Approach..

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This may not work in EVERY case, but it certainly should work with your friend, Kristine: Just ask him.

Your friend and her metrosexual buddy seem to have a great relationship, the kind that can withstand just about everything. I mean, who else but a real friend will give up a Saturday to be a wedding date?! (Hmmm...I did that once. I even flew to Calgary to do it. But, as my date said, I did get to "bag a Canuck")

Since they are so buddy-buddy, if she just asks in an offhanded way, it won't be offensive. Something like, "[insert name], you dress well, you look good, hell...you probably exfoliate! You're way too god for the average guy. Tell me...are you batting for the other side?!" That, accompanied by a mischievous smirk (enigmatic, like the Mona Lisa) will probably be disarming enough for him to feel comfortable lowering his guard if he is gay and come clean. If he isn't, then the way it was done can be blown off as a joke, and all is good.

Whatever she decides to do, I wish her luck. :)


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  • 4 months later...
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Catch Him Off-Guard

I totally agree with Kerwyn. Since the relationship is still at a platonic stage, you might want to fish-out any sign to confirm your suspicion in a way that would not be offensive. I tried this trick once on someone i had difficulty figuring out without eliciting a verbal response from him, and it worked. Catch the person concerned off-guard by casually saying his fingernails are dirty. There are two possible reactions to this: the straight male curls his fingers towards him to check if his fingernails are indeed dirty while the gay male will most likely spread out his fingers before him to check his fingernails.

Try looking for non-verbal cues, they usually speak louder than words.

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That is hilarious! I will try the dirty fingernail trick next time.

The man in question was a friend of my sister and since the article, he has told her is gay and they don't hang out much anymore. I am bummed because I really wanted to meet him.


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For what it is worth, you don't have to have someone verbally admit they are gay to know. Just what how they act when they great members of both sexes. Gay men tend to shy away from both women, and heterosexual men. With men, they extend a limp hand, and offer a limper handshake. With women, they lean way over to avoid any contact with their stomachs or groins touching the woman, when they embrace. Gay women do the same thing with men. Now, if they are greeting a gay man, gays tend to get fairly chummy with a full hugging embrace. Gay women tend to do the same with other gay women.

Gay men are not comfortable being around hetero males. They don't fit in, and fear being exposed and ridiculed. Gay women tend to act comfortable with women, but not men. Watch Ellen DiGeneris on her show. She is classic. And you can watch the gay men on the H&G channel, or on some of the cooking shows on that channel, or the gay guys on the shows on Bravo. If you watch their behavior in how they interact with men and women, you will see the difference. I know many gay men who socialize with women, but even when they give a shoulder hug, they are clumbsy about it and very uncomfortable. To their credit, the women try to make the gay guys feel more comfortable being with straights, and I have always followed that practice personally. But that doesn't mean that I can't tell, and don't know that the man is gay, in the closet or out!

As someone with a plethera of homosexual friends of both genders, I'd like to politely disagree. Not all gay men are "limp wristed", and most of the gay men I know don't shy from women at all. Now female sexuality... that they shy from. :lol: I've never seen a gay man lean over to avoid contact with a woman when hugging... and I know a decent amount of gay men. And most of the lesbians I don't shy from men.

My point is while the things you listed are indeed good indictators of homosexuality, they are by no means perfect, and the lack of them doesn't necessarily mean the person in question isn't gay. Assumptions can be missleading. ;)

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