Help For A Beginner

[shedoc]

It is strange. I am a very open person except when it comes to the issue of sex and masturbation. It is probably the Catholic guilt thing but I really could use some help/advice losing my inhibitions.

By way of background, I am 29 and in med school and I have masturbated less than 5 times in my entire life (all in the last year) and had sex with 1 man (9 years ago). When I was younger, I thought it was wrong and sinful to masturbate like many have posted here on the forums but now, I realize how ridiculous I was being and want to have a fulfilled life that includes embracing my sexuality. I do not want to be closed off or uncomfortable with any aspect of myself.

That being said, I have never been able to get myself off-- I realize that I am probably doing something very wrong. Yes, I have plenty of medical texts but trust me when I say that a little information can be a dangerous thing-- I don't want this to be technical. I do get stimulated when I read steamy passages or watch hot tv shows (not porn- that does not usually leave enough to my imagination) e.g., Nip/Tuck or Queer as Folk.

I am sure that there are many people who feel as I do. I want to know what I can do for myself but also how to direct future partners. I would also like to have a clue how to help my future partner(s) be satisfied. Like most women, I need to feel a level of intimacy with a man before taking him to bed (which you can see from my history is rare) and am not looking for casual sex or anything. But when I find it, I want to know what to do so it is the best sex we have ever had or can imagine. So I think I need to start with learning how to give myself pleasure....

Suggestions?

[telecom69]

It is strange. I am a very open person except when it comes to the issue of sex and masturbation. It is probably the Catholic guilt thing but I really could use some help/advice losing my inhibitions.

By way of background, I am 29 and in med school and I have masturbated less than 5 times in my entire life (all in the last year) and had sex with 1 man (9 years ago). When I was younger, I thought it was wrong and sinful to masturbate like many have posted here on the forums but now, I realize how ridiculous I was being and want to have a fulfilled life that includes embracing my sexuality. I do not want to be closed off or uncomfortable with any aspect of myself.

That being said, I have never been able to get myself off-- I realize that I am probably doing something very wrong. Yes, I have plenty of medical texts but trust me when I say that a little information can be a dangerous thing-- I don't want this to be technical. I do get stimulated when I read steamy passages or watch hot tv shows (not porn- that does not usually leave enough to my imagination) e.g., Nip/Tuck or Queer as Folk.

I am sure that there are many people who feel as I do. I want to know what I can do for myself but also how to direct future partners. I would also like to have a clue how to help my future partner(s) be satisfied. Like most women, I need to feel a level of intimacy with a man before taking him to bed (which you can see from my history is rare) and am not looking for casual sex or anything. But when I find it, I want to know what to do so it is the best sex we have ever had or can imagine. So I think I need to start with learning how to give myself pleasure....

Suggestions?

Hello shedoc,

You've come to the right site to get a lot of your questions answered. Most of the posts you get back will be sensitive and want to help you. You are NOT alone with your feelings and experiences. You hit it right on the head by saying that you need to find out what gives you pleasure in private first before trying to let partners figure it out. That can spell disaster and resentment. Men really can't give you orgasms unless you want them, as you have to let yourself have orgasms. Deep mental issues can prevent orgasms no matter what. The guy can be hung like a horse and giving you great oral, but unless you relax and let it happen, it won't . I come from the school of hard knocks with my girlfriend who faces very similar issues as you do, though she is 44 yrs old. She is from a religious Catholic background as you are and is still working on losing those inhibitions, and she is getting better as its been almost a year for us. One of the things I did for her after we finally felt comfortable about all this was to get her a small non-intimidating vibrator for her to use in private. She uses this a couple of times a week to learn about herself. She was unable to orgasm as you are, but finally has and is learning how to make them better for herself, and will give me some guidance as to what she likes. I have never been with a woman who couldn't cum while doing oral sex, but my girlfriend was the first. I would still only call our sex ok, and not even really good, much less great. This will take awhile as yours may also. Maybe you will be lucky and it won't take very long. Most of it is mental and not physical, and your realization that masturbation is not wrong is the best step that you can make. The ladies here will provide a lot better input than I will, but I just wanted to let you know you are not alone, are normal, and you do deserve to enjoy these great feeling our bodies gives us.

Good Luck..

Telecom