Threesome Timing

[icephoenix_c]

My guy and I both have the shared fantasy of a threesome. The problem is that we have only been dating a short while, about 6 months, and I think that our relationship is too young to do something of this nature. He insists that it would simply fulfilling another one of our fantasies I'm overthinking the issue. He also went on to say that I'm acting immature like a jealous child.

Is our relationship too young to experience something like a theesome? What would be an acceptable time if there is such a thing? Am i overthinking this and should relax and float with the tide?

[triedntru]

First of all, No, you are not "over thinking this" it is a HUGE deal in a relationship. If you go onto the forum under the threesomes ( I think is where it is) everyone always is talking about ,for the most part, they did it, and it did not work out (yes, I know, there are some stories of it still working) If you were to ask them though, the majority of the ones that it DID work out for have been in that relationship for a much longer time than 6 months. Threesomes are great in fantasy, but not always what you want in reality. Sex is a very intimate act (as if you didn't know that already ) If you are unsure of something...DON'T DO IT!!! A relationship is about communication/respect/and trust. Your man needs to respect your feelings no matter what he wants. So, there's my $.02 worth on the matter, keep us updated. TNT

[Mikayla1]

Here is my .02 (or perhaps 1.00) worth of advice - from personal experience!

Having a threesome, is it a good idea?

[crossroads123]

From a guy's point of view, if he's already telling you your being childish about it, reaccess the relationship. It's not about you. It's about what he wants and he really doesn't care about your opinion. If you want a threesome, do it ONLY when you want. He's the one being "CHILDISH AND SELFISH".

I totally agree, you better be careful with this guy.

[chloegirl]

His comments about you acting like a selfish, jealous child would concern me. It sounds like you may be hoping for this relationship to go to a deeper level than he is. Kind of sounds like he just wants to get his rocks off. If I was you I would really pay attention to all the signals he's putting out and start having some honest discussions about where you both see this thing going. If it's just a temporary "lets have fun while it lasts relationship" and you want to explore the 3-some then now might be the time....if on the other hand you are looking for a longterm, loving future with him then yeah, I can see where jealousy might rear it's head....Think about what you want for you and go with that! Do NOT let him pressure you and you just go along with it hoping it will keep him around. If you have to "buy" his affection by kissing his ass at the expence of your feelings he's just not worth it! Good luck!

[Tyger]

OK, Mikayla's article on 3-somes is AWESOME!!

I had to really think about what I wanted to say to you on this post, cuz, at first read, your BF's immature attitude really fried my ass. Him saying that you're "Making too much of this" is BS. OF COURSE you want to think about this sort of thing. Immature? Not hardly. Jealous? OK, this is a 6 month thing so far. If, at 6 months of dating seriously, my BF (at the time) told me he wanted to have a 3-some, and I was really liking this guy, & we were mongomous, then I too would be a bit insulted.

I agree with the last post. If you're in this for just a "fling" or having fun, it may not be as big of a deal. However, whether you're in a long-term relationship or not, bringing someone else in the mix is a SERIOUS step, that can't be taken back once done. And, you should absolutely be choosy with whom you're going to sleep with.

Every straight man, or at least the majority, has the fantasies of a 3-some, with 2 girls and him. However, what would he say if you wanted the 3-some to be 2 men and YOU? I bet he wouldn't like that at all. And, from my POV, if a man isn't willing to contemplate the 3-some as such, if you're willing to have one, then he is the one being selfish and immature.

You are correct when you said that your relationship is too young to withstand this, given your thoughts and feelings on this. You sound like you're more into HIM. And, as it was mentioned, if you have to "buy" his affection by doing whatever he wants, and he doesn't care about how YOU feel, then it's time to step back, and really really see if this is the kind of guy you want. One that tries to guilt you into doing stuff you just don't want to do.

Best wishes and good luck.

[vanilla_bean]

Really, listen to these people.

[Radagast97]

I do realize you are talking about a sexual experience, not a three person relationship, but some of the same principles apply. There is an old joke in the poly community "Relationship in trouble, just add people". The essential source of the humor is a that relationship needs to be very stable before someone else enters it (even just for sex). Adding people, either for sex or romance, complicates things and only a stable relationship can handle it. Albeit, for adding someone romantically it's more important the relationship is stable to begin with, but the reasons are the same in for both sex and romance.

[OPL Laundry Goddess]

The essential source of the humor is a that relationship needs to be very stable before someone else enters it (even just for sex). Adding people, either for sex or romance, complicates things and only a stable relationship can handle it.

I would have to echo this sentiment. Any toying with multiples, whether it be for relationship or play, can use the caveat we use at our house is"do ONE relationship right first, then consider adding." I would advise if you are thinking it is too early, then you are right. This is a follow your gut situation.

~TLG