Members tracy032175 Posted April 29, 2008 Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2008 Hi everyone! I'm really really new at this. My guy is experienced but I am not. We have fun but he does more for me than I do for him. Can someone tell me how to get things started... what kind of things should I do to him? I'm nervous, but I love this new lifestyle!Thanks a bunch! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members angelkisses98 Posted April 29, 2008 Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2008 Hi everyone! I'm really really new at this. My guy is experienced but I am not. We have fun but he does more for me than I do for him. Can someone tell me how to get things started... what kind of things should I do to him? I'm nervous, but I love this new lifestyle!Thanks a bunch!hi, and welcome to the board! when you say more experience, so you mean with BDSM? or sex in general? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted April 29, 2008 Members Report Share Posted April 29, 2008 Hello and welcome. As the resident BDSM 'sexpert' I can offer you a lot of advice. However, before I start talking wax play, golden showers and heavy restraining, I want to guage where your comfort level and experience are. When you say he has experience, with what? Tying, blindfold, sensation play? Also, try reading my article on Beginner's Bondage in the Sex Ed section. I look forward to chatting more with you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tracy032175 Posted April 30, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted April 30, 2008 hi, and welcome to the board! when you say more experience, so you mean with BDSM? or sex in general?Thanks, he is the experienced one with BDSM. I am a BDSM virgin but really liking it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tracy032175 Posted April 30, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted April 30, 2008 Hello and welcome. As the resident BDSM 'sexpert' I can offer you a lot of advice. However, before I start talking wax play, golden showers and heavy restraining, I want to guage where your comfort level and experience are. When you say he has experience, with what? Tying, blindfold, sensation play? Also, try reading my article on Beginner's Bondage in the Sex Ed section. I look forward to chatting more with you!Thank you Mikayla. I did read your article and it was very helpful. I'm the BDSM virgin, he is more experienced, but not sure how much... seems to be VERY knowledgeable. I know he knows alot about it just not sure how far he has or is willing to take it. He did tell me where to find the resources as he is the one who approached me with this lifestyle. I think he knows more than he's letting out, just trying to ease me into it trying not to freak me out. I'm completely comfortable with this and we have discussed the safeword and such. What I need to know is what things to do for him and to him to let him know that the game is on. I don't mind some moderate pain, spankings are a definate, rough is great. I'm ready. Please tell me what I can do as I am pretty clueless and inexperienced at this. Thank you so much! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members angelkisses98 Posted April 30, 2008 Members Report Share Posted April 30, 2008 well, hubby and i are just starting out on this adventure as well. only i am the one who brought it up. its good that hes going slow and getting you used to things, to me it shows he cares. as for pleasing him? ask him. sit him down and ask him what would please him. then if you like, add your own lil spin to what he has told you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nosleepnmesa Posted April 30, 2008 Members Report Share Posted April 30, 2008 WElcome to TT!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Valntyn Posted April 30, 2008 Members Report Share Posted April 30, 2008 Welcome to TooTimid!While I'm sure Mikayla will come up with a fabulous response to your request, now that you've given a little more information, I agree with angelkisses: ask him. It's great you're coming to us for input, but he's the one you need to discuss things with to make known all around who is comfortable with what, who wants what, etc.I hope things continue to go well with you in your relationship & I hope you come back to let us know how everything's going! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted April 30, 2008 Members Report Share Posted April 30, 2008 OK, well.....I still do not know where his experience lies. Some people consider themselves experienced because they can tie and blindfold their lover. SOme are experienced 'subs' because they let their partner do whatever he or she wants. There are many different layers of experience in BDSM. I have pretty extreme experience, I was a sub to a very knowledgable DOM for 7 years, and I worked in a Domination Club for a year. I do have experience.So, let me begin by asking some questions: when you say he is 'in the lifestyle' does that mean professionally, personally, or just in your own space. Meaning, does he go to clubs, frequent professional Dom's? Is he a sub or a DOM (meaning, does he want to be in charge or does he want YOU to be in charge?)If he wants you to be a sub and IN THE LIFESTYLE, then this is a serious commitment. What are you asking for, ideas on how to do so? If he wants you to be a DOM, then this is also a big commitment and may require a change in personality. Most men wants subs, but it is possible that he wants you to dominate him.My answer to this will definitely be dependent on what side of the line he wants you to be on. Do you know? Please give me a little more information and I will be able to help..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tracy032175 Posted May 3, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted May 3, 2008 OK, well.....I still do not know where his experience lies. Some people consider themselves experienced because they can tie and blindfold their lover. SOme are experienced 'subs' because they let their partner do whatever he or she wants. There are many different layers of experience in BDSM. I have pretty extreme experience, I was a sub to a very knowledgable DOM for 7 years, and I worked in a Domination Club for a year. I do have experience.So, let me begin by asking some questions: when you say he is 'in the lifestyle' does that mean professionally, personally, or just in your own space. Meaning, does he go to clubs, frequent professional Dom's? Is he a sub or a DOM (meaning, does he want to be in charge or does he want YOU to be in charge?)If he wants you to be a sub and IN THE LIFESTYLE, then this is a serious commitment. What are you asking for, ideas on how to do so? If he wants you to be a DOM, then this is also a big commitment and may require a change in personality. Most men wants subs, but it is possible that he wants you to dominate him.My answer to this will definitely be dependent on what side of the line he wants you to be on. Do you know? Please give me a little more information and I will be able to help.....Hi Mikayla. He has not told me exactly how much experience he has with this. He seems VERY knowledgeable though. Talks about nipple clamps, collars, toys, spanking, etc. but I honestly think he is more experienced than that. He wants me to be the sub and always wants me to just lay back and enjoy the ride. I think he's a DOM personally and in our own space. Only in the bedroom right now it seems. We talked about silk straps and blind folds. Like I said, we haven't done too much yet, holding my arms down, a little neck pressure (controlled breathing), spanking, nipple biting, hair grabbing and erotic sex, a little rough but not too bad. He has told me that he wants to start by being friends... my idea on the friends with benefits. We both have strong feelings, passion and chemistry. So my next question is how the hell do I hang on to him and have him willfully want me to be his lifelong pet? I know it will take time but I'm falling hard and fast. He is too but admitted that he is scared of committment right now. Just out of a bad marriage and does not want us to be the rebounds. He said he doesn't want to get hurt again. I'm so confused! Sorry for rambling but I guess I need to know if this is part of the Dom thing... him being in control of how things will turn out? Thanks for listening and hope this helped you a little. I don't know what other info to give you at this point. All I know is I want to please him and let him know that I am willing and ready for whatever may come.Clubs, frequent professional Doms, I'm not sure, hasn't spoke of that but I will ask. He definately wants me to be the sub. He loves to be in control! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tracy032175 Posted May 3, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted May 3, 2008 well, hubby and i are just starting out on this adventure as well. only i am the one who brought it up. its good that hes going slow and getting you used to things, to me it shows he cares. as for pleasing him? ask him. sit him down and ask him what would please him. then if you like, add your own lil spin to what he has told you.Thanks angelkisses! Let me know if you guys come up with anything interesting. Lol Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tracy032175 Posted May 3, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted May 3, 2008 Welcome to TooTimid!While I'm sure Mikayla will come up with a fabulous response to your request, now that you've given a little more information, I agree with angelkisses: ask him. It's great you're coming to us for input, but he's the one you need to discuss things with to make known all around who is comfortable with what, who wants what, etc.I hope things continue to go well with you in your relationship & I hope you come back to let us know how everything's going! Thanks Val! I will definately let everyone know how things are going. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted May 4, 2008 Members Report Share Posted May 4, 2008 OK, so you are not in a committed relationship as of yet, but are experimenting with DOM/sub play. How do you become his lifelong pet? Do what he wants, be a good sub, and make him love you for your obedience. That is it. Also, Dom's like a little challenge, nothing disrespectful, but they like a little fight every once and a while. Particularly if he is into punishment for being 'bad' - be 'bad' every once in a while. Listen, it is you who is in control as the sub. Yes, he makes the decisions (so to speak) and may lead the session, but he is doin it FOR you, because he DESIRES you - you are the puppeteer in a way, pulling his strings - so pull them. As for just getting out of a bad marriage, I understand the taking it slow idea. You can take it slow, but if you are both having sex, then I would play a little strategy. You have to make him want and desire you. I would be the best sub I could - do what he wants and needs - then make yourself unavailable. DOMs fall in love with their subs - and he can't fall in love if you are ALWAYS there.If it were me (and it was at one time in my life) I would try to figure out what he wants in a sub and do it. If you know he loves leather lingerie for example, go by some and present them to him saying, "I just want to please you Master." Or, if he likes nipple clamps, buy some and present them in the same manner. When you are together, pamper him - backrubs, rootrubs, etc. Tease him if he allows it by doing something and then 'needing a spanking.' Try to figure out how much participation he wants from you. Some DOMs truly like to run the whole show - they want no interference from the sub. I do not get the idea that this is where he is going. He said it already, he wants you to lay back and enjoy the ride (enjoy is the key word here) - so he is doing this more for you than for him.Much like a good dog that you never want to run away, being a good sub is similiar - never piss on your Master! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tracy032175 Posted May 4, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted May 4, 2008 OK, so you are not in a committed relationship as of yet, but are experimenting with DOM/sub play. How do you become his lifelong pet? Do what he wants, be a good sub, and make him love you for your obedience. That is it. Also, Dom's like a little challenge, nothing disrespectful, but they like a little fight every once and a while. Particularly if he is into punishment for being 'bad' - be 'bad' every once in a while. Listen, it is you who is in control as the sub. Yes, he makes the decisions (so to speak) and may lead the session, but he is doin it FOR you, because he DESIRES you - you are the puppeteer in a way, pulling his strings - so pull them. As for just getting out of a bad marriage, I understand the taking it slow idea. You can take it slow, but if you are both having sex, then I would play a little strategy. You have to make him want and desire you. I would be the best sub I could - do what he wants and needs - then make yourself unavailable. DOMs fall in love with their subs - and he can't fall in love if you are ALWAYS there.If it were me (and it was at one time in my life) I would try to figure out what he wants in a sub and do it. If you know he loves leather lingerie for example, go by some and present them to him saying, "I just want to please you Master." Or, if he likes nipple clamps, buy some and present them in the same manner. When you are together, pamper him - backrubs, rootrubs, etc. Tease him if he allows it by doing something and then 'needing a spanking.' Try to figure out how much participation he wants from you. Some DOMs truly like to run the whole show - they want no interference from the sub. I do not get the idea that this is where he is going. He said it already, he wants you to lay back and enjoy the ride (enjoy is the key word here) - so he is doing this more for you than for him.Much like a good dog that you never want to run away, being a good sub is similiar - never piss on your Master!Wow, thanks! That makes so much sense now. I'll get back to you and let you know how things are going. Thank you so much! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted May 6, 2008 Members Report Share Posted May 6, 2008 welcome to the forumI have found this sit very informative and helpful. I help you will too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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