So Frusterated

[Kota]

I am sitting here almost in tears. Here is a little background. I met my hubby when I was 17 and 3 months latrer I got pregnant with our first son. We got married when our son turned 1 (that will be 11 years ago next week -the 29th) We have 3 boys. He works 2 jobs, he is a cop and I work part time. We have had problems in the past where I didn't feel like i was wanted and found myself with another man. Although we didn't sleep together I still have feeling for the other guy and think of him alot. (we don't see eachother anymore) Eric and I made up but it seemed like from then on everything was my fault.

Eric and I had "sex" tonight and it was the same as always. It is the same thing everytime. I have tried to introduce toys and different positions, but it always goes back to the same thing. having sex with him is like trying to beat the clock. If I don't finish before he does then I am out of luck. I can't tell you the last time I had an orgasim with him. Then even though I love being on top and we start out that way he will flip over just when i get into a groove and smother me. It is very hard for me to move. I can't even concentrate on the moment and enjoy it cause I know it can end at any minute. As for his foreplay it consists of kissing and trying to stick himself in me when I am not ready. We did experiment with anal once and it was wonderful when he actually took the time and was gentle. Now when he fingers me it is like he is poking up there and it hurts. I have tried to talk to him but he basicly blames it on me (like everything else in our relationship) and says I need to tell him what to do and what to try cause he doesn't know. I have gotten books and dvd's and he won't read/watch them. I have a better sexualy relationship with my toys than with him. I am just so frusterated and the more and more this goes on I want to find my old friend and be with him. In past non-related problems his and my parents told us we should see someone and talk about things, he is very stubborn and said he would never do that. I am just so lost and frusterated.

[thurisas]

Just a couple of things I would like to point out in your post. You say that you try to bring new things into the bedroom with you but it always goes back to the same old thing happening. Why does it backslide? Did you know that it takes 21 days to create a habit? See if you can get into the habit of trying something new each time you have sex.

The other thing that I saw was that he told you that you needed to tell him what you want. This is the truth. Good lovers are made, not born, and you have the option to make him as great a lover as you want him to be. Is it that when you DO try to talk he doesn't listen? Is it that you're too shy with this person you're giving your body and soul to and you can't talk to him?

For obvious reasons this is a fairly one-sided version of the problem and I would encourage you to start trying to think like him as well. When are you initiating sex and how tired is he? When do you tell him that he's doing it right? When do you flirt with him...throughout the day, just before sex? Foreplay is an ongoing thing and shouldn't be reserved to kissing and caressing. It should be a all day event that starts with getting the mental juices going. Are you doing any of this? Is he?

Try to think like he is and see if you can't find any of the fault in yourself as well. If you do, then you can go to him and start talking in "we" statements. "When we both don't come during sex, I feel frustrated, how can we fix this?" Accusations will get you nowhere, even if it isn't meant in an accusatory manner, the way something is said can be an issue.

Randy.

[angelkisses98]

i had this issue with my hubby, and still do from time to time. i talk with him..he says ok...then the next few times are great, because he actually LISTENED to me, then he forgets and goes right back and i need to remind him again. it gets so aggravating i know. is he very conservative? that sometimes has a lot to do with things.

maybe bring him here. let him poke around a bit. let him read whats out there...if yo have had talks and that hasent worked. try writing him a letter. or, you might have to do what i did and called sex to hault in order to get through to hubby. i basically said, im tired of asking you for what i need and not getting it.. i am not a pool...you cant dive right in and expect me to be wet and ready. he got the hint real quick.

good luck

[chloegirl]

It's really hard to totally break the habits in a long-term relationship and AK is right....it gets real old having to "remind" your partner all the time, but there are so many good articles and tips on here and if you keep on hopefully things will get better...One thing I have found is that you do have to struggle yourself to keep him going the way you want him to and not just give in and let him revert back to his old, lazy ways (sometimes you get frustrated and just let it slide, then you are doubly frustrated!) Encourage him in the direction you want him to go and don't settle for less! He may never get really good at it, but if he's as least putting forth the effort to try it's bound to be alot better than before! Good luck!

[ManofHerdreams]

I can't for the life of me understand why some guys are not motivated to go the extra mile to please their lovers.

Some never seem to learn that the better it is for the Lady the better it will be for them.

I obtain my greatest pleasures from pleasing her.

Seeing that glazed look in her eyes as she is lost in the waves of multiple orgasms.

Hearing her moan softly from pleasure.

Having her beg you to stop and not really mean it and seeing her cum harder because you kept going.

Giving her oral, softly touching her breast, rubbing her G-spot with your fingers until she explodes and begs for more giving her both vaginal and anal IC until she can't take any more and then changing positions and starting again. Responding to not only her verbal but non-verbal communications and body language.

Seeing the look of total satisfaction on her face afterwords.

How could these things not be the biggest turn on to a guy that he has ever experienced?

But just so it's clear the same situation can and does occur with the roles reversed.

Man

[Angelina]

I have to admit that we were having this same problem; it’s better not totally “fixed”.

I have to tell you that both men and women on this site have encouraged and advised me and we are starting to have a better sex life because of it.

Listen to what they are telling you I swear you will not be disappointed, I even said WHEN I was going to approach him and got on live chat and OMG I thought I was going to cry they were so there for me it was like getting BIG hugs of encouragement.

Good luck and keep the faith, fantasy about someone and touching are 2 different things.