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Strange Quotes - Things You Shouldn't Do.....

"Don't carry a grudge. While you're carrying the grudge, the other guy's out

dancing." - Buddy Hackett

"Don't get mad. Don't get even. Just get elected, then get even." - James Carville

"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got." - Janis Joplin

"Never attribute to malice what can adequately be explained by stupidity." - Nick


"Never believe in mirrors or newspapers." - Tom Stoppard

"Never drink black coffee at lunch; it will keep you awake all afternoon." - Jilly


"Never purchase beauty products in a hardware store." - Miss Piggy


Today's Featured Humor : -) - Accident Claims in England

These are some daft things whcih have been written on Insurance claim forms

"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."

"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realised the car

was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."

Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?

A: Travelled by bus?

A Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim

form were:

Q - What warning was given by you?

A - Horn

Q - What warning was given by the other party?

A - Moo

"I had one eye on a parked car, another on approaching lorries, and another on the

woman behind".

"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant

tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a


"On the M6 I moved from the centre lane to the fast lane but the other car didn't

give way."

"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."

"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over

and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."

"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"

"While proceeding through 'Monkey Jungle', the vehicle was enveloped by small fat

brown grinning monkeys. Number three fat brown monkey (with buck teeth) proceeded to

swing in an anticlockwise direction on the radio aerial. Repeated requests to desist

were ignored. Approximately 2 minutes and 43 seconds later, small fat brown monkey

disappeared in 'Monkey Jungle' clutching radio aerial."

"Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably voodoo."

"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again."

"I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."

"Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."

"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."

"I thought my window was down, but I found out it wasn't when I put my head through


"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way".

"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car".

"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."

"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."

"I had been shopping for plans all day and was on my way home. As I reached an

intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."

"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave

way causing me to have an accident.

"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian."

"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."

"The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him."

"I saw a slow-moving, sad faced old gentleman, as he bounced off the roof of my car"

"The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth."

"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some

stray cows."

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