Bondage 201

[Mikayla1]

Here ya go Kat....

BONDAGE 201: Bondage for the more advanced

It has been quite a while since I wrote my first bondage article, “Start With a Feather, End With a Whip,” so I thought it may be time to step it up a notch…or two. As many of my cherished readers know, I was once in a long time relationship with a man who was VERY into bondage. He insisted that we live ‘in the lifestyle’ of DOM and sub (me being the sub). It was a very interesting, erotic and sometimes scary part of my life. When I look back on this portion of my life it seems oddly ‘familiar’ to me, and sometimes I really miss it as my hubby is definitely not into advanced bondage. He is more 'vanilla' as the term goes.

So, I am taking a journey down memory lane in a way, and discussing some bondage techniques and ideas for the more advanced. So, if you have done the blindfolds, the handcuffs and the furry ticklers and want to ‘step it up’ – then let’s get going and discuss advanced bondage.

PREFACE and WARNING: Let me just begin by giving a subtle warning. These techniques, ideas and concepts are not for those in relationships where they do not trust their partners. Nor are they for those who are just beginning bondage. Please ALWAYS exercise care when participating in bondage – and remember that pain and pleasure are not for everyone, and furthermore, pain is PAIN – period. Practice safely, always respect your partner and your activity and always err on the side of caution!

SAFETY FIRST

Bondage communities have two safety terms they use: SSC (safe, sane and consensual) and RACK (risk aware consensual kink). These terms mean that you should always have CONSENSUAL play with your partner, you should NEVER BE IMPAIRED and you should be safe with your play. While it might seem like a kick to get bombed and tie up your partner and gag them - this can be VERY dangerous. When you are impaired you can misjudge and therefore hurt your partner - or you can be so numb you do not realize you are being hurt. Always be aware and SOBER!

In order to be safe, you should agree upon a safe word to use in the event that one of you feels uncomfortable. This word should be something unusual that you wouldn't say otherwise – like “groundhog.”

Getting the “rules” of play established not only makes you more at ease that nothing bad will happen, but it gets you more excited about what is going to happen while you play. If you are playing with ball gags, mouth coverings, hoods or any other voice restriction, have a safe action. A rapid head turn, a continued grunt – something. You need to be able to communicate your discomfort. Bondage play is not about injury, it is about pleasure.

BEGIN WITH A WHIP OR PADDLE

So, beginning where I left off before, whip play, we can take it up a notch. There are so many types of whips that I can only begin to discuss them. Some whips are long and have tethers (FETISH FEMME FATALE WHIP), some are small such as the (14” RUBBER WHIP) some are braided for extra sting (BRAIDED BAD GIRL WHIP) and some are long and luscious (6 FOOT WHIP). Whichever you choose, remember that a whip can hurt, but can also be blissfully stinging. The best way to begin with whip play is to lightly run the whip over your lover’s ‘parts (this could be tummy, legs, butt, vaginal area) and let them enjoy the sensations. When you move on to whipping, take your time and build up to a level of pressure that is agreeable to both of you.

Whips can and do leave marks, can bruise and if used incorrectly, can break the skin. Since this article addressed only a second level of bondage play (and since I would never condone severely hurting your partner) we will discuss safe whip play. This means, a modicum of restraint in order to sting your lover and not hurt them. My suggestion is to let your lover tell you how hard is too hard. Keeping in mind that what might feel good in the moment, may sting nastily later.

Paddle play is often preferred in many bondage relationships because it is much easier to control a paddle. There are so many types of paddles – studded, padded, bristled and paddles with holes. Paddles can definitely add a little sting to your play – and for many, are very arousing. Personally, I prefer a paddle over a whip because my hubby can increase the pressure a little more gently. We recently received the STUDDED PADDLE and it is the perfect size, has a little bit of bend and delivers a nice sting. It also doesn’t leave marks in the morning, which is important to many people. Paddle play can be very stimulating and can add a new level to sensation play.

RESTRAINING

Perhaps your lover enjoyed mild restraints and you both want to take it up a notch. There are thousands of ways to restrain a lover – from rope restraints to restraining ‘bags’ and straightjackets. These practices must be taken seriously, and can be dangerous if not done correctly.

One of my favorite ways to be restrained is in ‘hog tie’ position. This is basically, on your stomach with both feet and wrists pulled back and all bound together. You can freestyle the position, or, you can buy a HOG TIE AND CUFF SET to do it easily for you. If you do not want your lover on his or her stomach, you can use the same set to join the wrists and ankles in front of you. If you want the luxury of changing up your tie positions, you can invest in JAPANESE BONDAGE ROPE, which is a very nice, soft rope to use for any type of restraint play.

There are also hundreds of options for tying your sub to doors (DOOR JAM CUFFS) to the bed (BONDAGE BEDSHEETS or UNDER THE BED RESTRAINT SYSTEM) or to just about anything (FANTASY RESTRAINT SYSTEM). Try to find a level of restraint that appeals to you and your lover.

Then, when your lover is restrained you can do about anything to your restrainee. You can spank them, whip them, paddle them, tease them with ice or feathers, hot wax or any other number of terrific tortures. Just remember, if your lover is restrained and you are playing with wax, ice or any other extreme sensations, please be careful and always make sure your lover is able to protest.

Why restrain? When you take away the ability to move, the sensations that the tie-ee experiences get very amplified. Knowing that your lover is going to tease you and there is nothing you can do to stop them is an experience that many find extremely appealing. Conversely, knowing that you can tease, taunt, and even have sex with your lover while they are helpless to get away is equally as stimulating. Of course, it goes without saying that there must be trust between the partners to engage in this type of play. Knowing that you are safe in the hands of your lover is instrumental in making this type of situation successful.

If you are looking to step it up when it comes to restraining, there are specialty shops (online and storefront) that offer a wide range of restraining options. You can get virtually anything, from arm binders to corsets with special ‘buckles’ to use with tethers and restraint systems. While these options are definitely for the more advanced, if you feel like stepping it up, you may want to peruse the options. Try to find a knowledgable salesperson to help you with your purchase. Fit, size, pressure are all to be considered. If you have general questions, you can email me (Mikayla@tootimid.com). The best way is to shop together, see what interests you and get a professional to assist you and explain the product.

GAGGING

For many bondage players, gags can be an exciting way to play. Taking away your lover’s ability to talk, scream or protest is an interesting way to engage in bondage. Many DOMS love seeing thier subs drooling and gagging. Keep in mind, that many people find gags in their mouths to be a scary proposition, so make sure your lover is up to it and comfortable before trying. Also, make sure you have an alternate way to communicate your safe word – a gesture perhaps. Gags can quickly go from fun to scary - and gagging can be very dangerous. Start slow, don't leave it in too long, and always pay attention to your lover.

Ball gags come in many different styles – a standard BALL GAG can be a great way to begin. Just make sure it is used properly and is not too tight. Always make sure your lover can breathe as well. If you really want an interesting twist, try a ball gag with an ‘appendage’ such as a dildo (BALL GAG WITH DILDO). Your lover can be restrained but made to ‘pleasure’ you with the appendage. It is an interesting way to gag and play.

Just as their are specialty restraints, there are also specialty gags. There are hundreds of gag variations - if you are interested in this type of play, and want something more advanced, see a specialty shop.

Now, the question becomes, you have your lover bound, gagged and have your tools ready, what do you do? Well, that is something you will have to decide as you play. For many lovers, just being restrained can be the pinnacle of excitement. For others, continuing to ‘up the ante’ leads to some extreme play.

As my intent here is to inform and discuss a few other ideas and not to force anything extreme on anyone, I am going to leave it here. Remember, bondage play comes in many different levels and it is a personal decision how far you take it. For me, bondage can and has lead to an extreme form of play. It is my belief that there is a little bit of DOM/sub in every relationship, but it is up to you how far YOU want to take it.

DOM/sub play can be extremely stimuating, exciting, scary and orgasmic. Many DOM/sub couples don't engage in sex while they are playing - they leave that for after. Some integrate sex into their play. It is a personal and MUTUAL decision what you and your partner decide to do.

For now I leave the ideas up to you. If you are looking for something more specific, email me. In the meantime I find it more appropriate to leave the rest up to you!

PLAY SAFE!!

[nosleepnmesa]

Thank you Sweetie!!!Big Hugs!! Sending this info to him now!!=)

[pappyld04]

(Bows to Mikayla), Pappy commends you for the extensive safety precautions you posted! I may have a long journey to catch up to you lady but if I follow someone's well established lead it MUST have safety concerns up front!