Pm To Howard

[Trooper]

Sent this as a Pm to Howard but just wondering if anyone else has any thoughts on it?

Thanks for the in-depth reply. One thing is certain it is not peer pressure from people she is around. I really don't know what the main cause is. She has always struggled to cope with sex as sadly she was brought up by her parents drumming home the message that sex is Dirty and for perverted people. I knew this when we first got together, but with just a few months things were improving rapidly even to the stage of her initiating it and being happy to try different things. At times I would come home from work to find her standing there all dressed up in lingerie and stockings (Drives me Crazy!) we even started to watch things like the lovers guide video's together so we could learn new things. After we had been together a few years her sexual interest just started to slowly vanish. The more we talked about it the bigger the problem became. We went from 3/4 times a week to maybe once every 4/5 WEEKS! It is now got to the stage where she has not initiated anything for at least 18 months. If I buy her any Lingerie as a surprise she will wear it but only as a token gesture and the chances of anything sexual coming from it are nearly zero. Sorry if It all sounds negative as it isn't. Because what we do have is Fantastic. I really wont do anything to risk losing her as we really are great together and on the rare times we do Make Love its great. But yes I would like a lot more sexually, The chance to try new things or fantasies and how fantastic it would be not to be turned down 95% of the time. But as I said earlier on the Board despite the fact that we still have all the other side of the relationship (Kisses, Cuddles, Romance, Love, Massages) sex either talking about it, trying something different or improving the frequency immediately gets her very tense and stressed. Just an add on to the end of this she claims that sexually im the Best that she has ever had, And she really didn't realise that it could be such an enjoyable experience. She has also said a few years ago that Im the only Person to have given her an Orgasm which I ensure she gets everytime, So why is she backing off so Much??? In her previous marriage she said that she never enjoyed sex so settled for once or twice a year to please her ex, But she always ended up in tears because she found it disgusting and painful

[Mikayla1]

Trooper,

You are not alone in your plight here! Unfortunately, many couples go through similiar situations (sometimes it is the woman, sometimes it is the man) - there are varied reasons for the change in sex drive - stress, physical problems, internal problems like self esteem, or just plain lack of interest due to hormonal changes or prescription drug reactions.

I would ask - how is her self esteem? You mention her previous upbringing - does she still have that inkling that "sex is bad?" or is that all gone? How does she feel about herself? Has she had a baby? Does she feel fat? Too skiny? Sexy? Do you compliment her often in NON-SEXUAL ways to make her feel good? A woman's sexuality is very much linked to her self-esteem.

How is her stress situation? Do you fight often? How is the money situation? Does she have a young child at home, lots of stress at work? Stress is also a direct correlation to sex drive with women. Not all women realize that SEX IS A STRESS RELIEVER and can change from Mommy mode to Sexy mode in one swoop! If she is feeling stressed - try to help her out. Clean up the house, give her a massage, take care of the children - if you have them! Try to eliminate some of the stress and you may see great results.

Is she on any medications? Birth control pills? Anti-depressants or mood enhancers? All of these - even BC pills, can greatly reduce a woman's sex drive - make it almost nill! If she is on any meds, check with her doctor to see if she can change to one with less severe side affects.

Hormonal changes? How old is she? If she is near menopause - well, sorry dude, sometimes that just happens from what I hear! If she is in her 30-40's then she should be raging in good hormones, unless she has just had a baby and then they go all haywire for up to 2 years! Is that a possibility?

If none of these things are your problem, and it is just plain old "lack of interest" you will just have to talk to her. Try to make her realize that sex is important for you and for her. It is a natural, healthy FUN part of adult life and that you want her to experience pleasure and that causes you pleasure too. If she gets tense about it - ask her why? You are not pressuring her, but you can't go months and months without sex, women know that, and if they get defensive about it, there is an underlying cause she doesn't want to talk about!

You should try to get to the bottom of it, this is healthy for either of you!

Mikayla

[sexykitty]

nothing turns a woman on more then a man doing the dishes or cleaning the house without being asked to......m m m...anything to help with the stress of the day will help when its time to go into the bedroom im sure

I do agree with Mikayla if its not stress then you and her should really find out whats behind her lack of interest.....there could be so many reasonss.....she should talk to her doctor or maybe sex therepy is whats needed.....i can say i too had a time in my life where i lost interest....not to the point your wife is at but i bascially thought lets do it and get it over with....and one day i just sat and thought how this is effecting me and my man....i would never want to hear any complaints about out sex life....and im not really happy with the way im being so i just took it upon myself to make a change....the more let say I "made" myself get into the thought of sex and having it the better it got....kinda fake it til you make way of thinking....we went to a few times a month to just about everyday now....i would never want my man to find sex someplace else cause of my (our) lack there of.....what really opened my eyes as well was reading that real reason men cheat isnt cause of the womanss looks etc....its cause of the attn they get from that new person....(that inclusdes sexual attn) so before it got to the point to no return for us like i said i just took it upon myself to get back into the swing of things and make it as close as to the first few years we were together as i could....everythig changes so i knew it would never be the same....ITS DAMN BETTER.....but thats what i did like i said your wife may need a professionals help....so stick by her side even though its not easy going so long betwenn the times you have sex....showing her that your there for her no matter what help alot....showing her its not just about the sex and that your not just doing or saying things just to get laid also helps.....hope everything works out for you both....keep us up to date on how things turn out......GOOD LUCK

[Trooper]

Thank you to Both of you for some great valued points. There is no worries about me leaving her as despite the way our sex life is we have something too special for me to walk away from. I was really surprised two nights ago when she made a move for me !!! we had a fantastic night with her hitting the high note a few times. We do have a 2yr old who is very active at times but I really do my share with him but reading what Mikayla1 wrote has made me wonder if its enough?