Post-menopausal Women With Great Sex Lives

[Anne M]

Okay ladies, heading into menopause and need reassurance. The hot sex life my husband and I have always enjoyed isn't going to go away now is it? Anybody used estrogen cream or est-rings to keep natural lubrication levels high?

[leslieanne]

Well must admit that I'm sorry to see that no one has posted any comments/replys. I certainly hope that this doesn't mean that (1) there are no menopausal women who are part of the TT community or (2) they all feel their sex life has diminshed due to menopause or (3) there is a general disinterest in the subject for those who are over 50.

While menopause is a physiologic change women go through it also has a very huge mental/emotional component. I'm 53, in the throws of menopause and having the best sex ever. As many have said in other threads 90% of sex is in your head, not in your vagina/clitoris/penis.

Having a relationship is which there is open, loving communication, a willingness to try new things, to talk about the physical changes one experiences as they move through menopause is key to maintaining and even improving/increasing your sex life.

For me the hot flushes come and go, some times there is a degree of vaginal dryness - easily dealt with by use of lubricants, sometime my sex drive is at an ebb, but when my SO starts to nibble on my ear, massage my shoulders, play with my nipples it doesn't matter one bit I always start to respond. It's common for me to have multiple orgasms with oral (and he, like your SO love to give oral - aren't we lucky!!) or with clitioral stimulation. And while I don't always get a Gspot orgasms when I do ------ it's pure heaven. Luckily my SO loves to focus on my needs and responses and loves playing and playing and playing.

I do not use any estrogen vaginal cream or Estring at this time - if I start experiencing vaginal dryness that has any degree of negative impact on our sex life I'll not hesitate one minute in starting to use it. I intermittantly use Estratest (estrogen testosterone combination pill) when the hot flushes get bad. When I use it I do notice an increase in vaginal secretions and moisture (Please note that you have to be taking them for at least 2 weeks before you see a change).

As a practicing OB/GYN I see women in all stages of their life. There are many women who continue to enjoy sex long after they stop having periods. There are also those who assume that once your periods stop there is absolutely no reason to "put up with sex any more". If you assume sex will dimish it most likely will - because that's your expectation. The less sex you have the greater the probably that it will become uncomfortable or painful - the old adage "if you don't use it you'll lose it" is very true when it comes to a woman's vagina. If you want to keep sex fun and hot - you'll find ways for that to happen. All the various treatment options I mentioned in the other post are just ways to help with any symptoms you might have.

One of my most delightful patients is a woman who is now 82yrs old (she has been my patient for 18yr). When I first met her she made sure I understood that she was still sexually active. "While he sometimes has a problem with an erection we still have a good time and we certainly don't plan on stopping so don't you tell me I need to stop using my special cream (estrogen vaginal cream). Of course I didn't and wouldn't. Her husband passed away earlier this year and she commented that one of the things she would miss the most was sex. So menopause nor age have to dictate or determine the quality of your sex life. Go forth, enjoy, have fun doing what you've always done and trying new things.........it's what I'm planning on doing!!

[vanilla_bean]

Thanks so much for your informative reply Leslieanne. I admit that I've been lurking this thread, but I'm not there yet so didn't have much to add. Losing my fairly recently found sex drive is a concern of mine and you response is encouraging.

[cybele]

I think many of us are in that mid to late 40s range. And as we've discussed in a prior thread, we've all experienced a sexual awakening of sorts. We're all nervous about losing that...

For myself, I have some night burns (as I call them) where I feel this heating up, and yes, I may get a little warm, and glistening, but not the "sweats" that I've read and heard about.

Thanks for the information Leslieanne. I have a feeling several of us will want to know more about this phase of our lives soon.

[Anne M]

The lack of replies is a little disconcerting but then Married/Commited isn't one of the most frequented categories. Maybe more input will come in over the weekend. I've been talking with some women at work about the estrogen creams and haven't found anyone who's tried them. One older woman, 62, wondered if they'd still help even though she went through menopause many years ago. Her husband still gets frisky occassionally but she finds it, not painful, but not totally comfortable either. Leslieanne, is it worth it for her to spend the money on seeing her doctor?

[ToyQueen]

Anne, I have not replied because I don't actually have a sex life. I am in surgical menopause, and am on HRT. At this point, I still lubricate well---at least by myself...

[leslieanne]

Ladies - first of all I'm always more then happy to answer questions, provide comments and insight based on my personal experience(s) as a menopausal female and as a practicing OB/GYN. Regarding estrogen vaginal creams - for whatever reason many physicians do not think to prescribe them. Part of that is related to a study on HRT (hormone replacement therapy) that was completed about 6-7 yr ago which showed that HRT after menopause does increase slightly the risk of breast cancer and cardiovascular disease. Unfortunately that ended up getting generalized to all estrogen treatments.

Estrogen vaginal cream or the Estring does not increase the risk of breast cancer or cardiovascular disease because they act locally - they do not cause any change systemically (in your blood levels of estrogen). It can be of benefit at any age after menopause. I have many patients that have started using estrogen vaginal cream for the first time in their late 50's, 60's and even in their 70's. Occasionally they will have only a minimal increase in vaginal lubrication and/or an improvement in the "stretchyness" of their vagina. From my perspective it's always worth trying. For women who are truely post menopausal (no menses for a year) - they need to use the cream every night for 2-3 weeks and can then decrease the frequency to 2-3 times per week. Women who start using it as they are going through menopause can typically start using it 2-3 time per week. Essentially you use it as often as you need it to keep the level of lubrication at a level you like.

So do I think a woman in her 60's that is have discomfort with intercourse due to dryness or a "tight vagina" should consider trying estrogen vaginal cream - the answer is YES. She can of course try regular vaginal lubricants first to see if that does the trick (which it does for some women), but if she wants it to a more "natural" thing then trying the estrogen cream would be appropriate.

Always remember - menopause does not control you - you have the ability to control the symptoms it causes