New Sex Partner...never Experienced This

[shygal]

I am in a new relationship. We recently became intimate.Two times.Both times he was not completely hard and had to masturbate before entering me to get hard enough and came quickly. None of this is a huge issue for me...fortunatlely he gives great head. My question is how do i address this?He is a very nice man and I don't want to make hime feel badly but I feel like we should talk about it.Is this common? I've never experienced this with a man before.

[mystofpric]

It happens. I'd suggest, that if this is a normal thing for him, start it off with some oral or a hand job, doing teh "work" for him will boost his confidence because he'll know you find him attractive.

[ladylove]

It could just be nerves, but also as some men age things don't always work as easily as it use to. I would wait till some of the men give comment on this to see what they say about talking to him about this situation...

[Gregorio]

Been there.....had that happen! For me it was stress. Recently separated, having not dated in 25 years, etc. It was distressing for my gf as she was worried she was not adequate but I assured her it was me. We "worked" on the problem and after a month or so all was well. Talk about it with him. It seems you think he is worth it.

[shygal]

He is in his forties. hasn't been with a woman in 2 years , since seperation. Was hesitant to be intimate with me...we dated a month first. If I bring it up how should I do so? I did oral on him and he wasn't completely soft. but not exactly hard. my past lovers incl ex husband Loved oral and he seems like he can take it or leave it. He loves to do it on me though.But I enjoy giving as much as receiving and he wants to do all the giving.

Again this isn't a huge deal with me...I'm more concerned for him.

[mystofpric]

He is in his forties. hasn't been with a woman in 2 years , since seperation. Was hesitant to be intimate with me...we dated a month first. If I bring it up how should I do so? I did oral on him and he wasn't completely soft. but not exactly hard. my past lovers incl ex husband Loved oral and he seems like he can take it or leave it. He loves to do it on me though.But I enjoy giving as much as receiving and he wants to do all the giving.

Again this isn't a huge deal with me...I'm more concerned for him.

Well not all guys get rock hard, that is something to remember and some guys may take more stimulation than others. If he hasn't been witha women for 2 years i'd be willing to be there is a lot of preformence anxiety and I'd give him time before bringing it up.

[shygal]

He decides. He brings me to orgasm then wants to penetrate and orgasms fairly quickly. I have told him i am up for anything. He aslo ejaculates outside of my body ...says it turns him on. Messy but whatever works for him ya know?

[crossroads123]

At his age and being without a Lady for 2 years he is probably putting a lot of pressure on himself. I know women think we men are ready at a seconds notice and always rock hard, but as we age that's not aways true. Women can always fake it and men will never know, but if a man fails women always know, that's a lot of pressure on a man as he ages. As far as self masturbation remember he's been alone for 2 years maybe he's just turning to what he knows that works. Just a thought from an old man that's been there recently.

[paolo]

shygal... I agree with what others have said. I don't log on to this message board often.. my wife, elise, does more often, and she thought I should put in my two cents. I'm a physician and for many years worked a lot with men with sexual dysfunctions.

Erectile dysfunction can have many forms. Some men, like your new boyfriend, can achieve an erection with the right stimulation, but can't maintain it for very long. These men "learn" to ejaculate as quickly as they can after getting hard, otherwise they don't get to orgasm at all. In the days before Viagra, we used to give people like this a bunch of exercises to do with their partners, and sometimes it worked and these men were able to extend their erectile capabilities long enough for their partners to have a satisfying experience with intercourse. These success stories were, in my opinion, in men whose primary problem was performance anxiety, but with a significant level of physical/vascular issues as well. The men who didn't succeed with our training exercises were/are primarily men with vascular problems.

In either case, the answer you may want to look into is adding Viagra, Levitra, or Cialis to the equation. In a man whose primary problem is psychological (performance anxiety), the medication will serve to overcome his anxiety, he'll have a full (and often repeatable) erection, and after he's unlearned the need to come quickly, his stamina will improve. In my experience, many men who were "underperforming" due to psychological factors only need to use medication for a short period of time, because by losing their performance anxiety and learning how to extend their sexual response cycle, they lose the need for meds. It can be an amazing thing.

If his primary problem is vascular, even better. He'll finally be able to achieve a full (and often repeatable) erection, be able to engage in all manner of sexual acts including oral, vaginal, or even anal sex and as success builds on success, he'll become confident in the return of his ability to be fully sexually expressive again.

I would encourage you and he to discuss trying one of these medications. I believe Cialis is probably the best product of the three, but each man is different and he should try them all. His doctor can give him samples that will make the choice much easier.