Boyfriend Doesn't Like To Go Down On Me

[catapultlaunch]

my boyfriend hasn't been with many other women (just 1), and i'm the first he's gone down on. ever since the first time we had sex and he went down on me, he pretty much refuses to do it.

I really think that's unfair, because i go all out when giving it to him, and there's nothing wrong with my cooch. I just think he's frightened and a little intimidated by the area, but i would like this to change, since i plan on staying with him for awhile.

any suggestions?

[catapultlaunch]

Don't guess: Ask him why he won't go down on you. Talk to him about how unfair it is that he won't do for you what you so enthusiastically do for him. His answers can be the basis for furthering your education, and his, about sex, and reaching some kind of compromise. If he says, for instance, he doesn't like the smell, first tell him he's no bed of roses either! Then, offer to take a shower or bath before he does oral on you- better yet, invite him to shower or bathe with you, so he can do oral sex in the shower or bath! If he doesn't like the hair, hand him the scissors and tell him to trim away. Yeah, this takes a little courage on your part, but all you have to do to slow him down to be careful is remind him that you don't like picking pubic hair out of your teeth any more than he does, and if he trims and/or shaves you, you get to do the same to him!

I knew a guy who always bragged about enjoying oral sex until his wife gave birth to his first child. Then, he told me that he thought it was disgusting to put his mouth where a baby came out! Really! I couldn't make that up if I tried!! I looked at him like he was nuts, and I didn't have to say another word! Another guy told me that after his wife had kids, " She changed down there," referring to the fact that her inner labia now hung down a little more instead of being tucked up inside her outer labia. I told him, " So What??" Sometimes, all men need is reassurance that " eating pussy" is not something perverted or unusual.

So, talk to him about oral sex. And about all kinds of foreplay, during play, and after play. I do not make light of your situation. Millions of women face this same problem every day in this country. Often it is with very immature and inexperienced men. He doesn't know what to do to pleasure you. Its your job to teach him, through conversation about what you like him to do, and by instruction as he is doing it. He also should be instructing you on what he likes you to do to him, as you are doing him.

Sometimes, men are quite willing to instruct their lovers, but can't get their lovers to reverse the roles, and are mistakenly afraid that because she is not talking to him, he must be doing it all wrong. He won't ask her, or tell his lover she is the first woman he has ever tried to have oral sex with, and he doesn't know what to do. Altho its been more than 35 years, I can still remember giving oral to my first lover like it was yesterday. I was very nervous, because we had not talked. I was very lucky because she reacted very positively to the experience and her flinches and gasps at least gave me a hint as to what to continue to do to make her happy! When I finally came up for air, I broke the silence and asked her to tell me if she was getting near her orgasm. She told me she had already had 3! and was working on #4! I went back down on her, and enjoyed the ride. We laughed about it as she caught her breathe, and I had to admit to her I had never been with a woman who had an orgasm, that I knew about, before, and obviously didn't recognize when she was having hers. Obviously!!!

Don't assume your boyfriend knows anything about sex. His head may be filled with all kinds of garbage. Teach him to pleasure you. If YOU are not sure, its time for both of you to experiment. You need to find out about your own body through masturbation, just as he does. Then you have to teach him how to pleasure you. Take his hand in yours and show him how to touch you to make you cum. Just cover his hand with yours, his fingers with yours, and tell him to relax while you apply the pressure you need to get off. He can then get an idea of where, and how much pressure to apply, and how slow or fast you like it. The same goes for him. The fun is in the journey, with the right lover. If you have never watched instructional videos, take a look at our shopping section here for the BetterSex.com videos. They are very good, and more than worth the cost to both of you. For men, they teach us how to make love to, as opposed to " fuck ", our lovers, and teach us how to relax and enjoy the experience, as well as giving some sound technical advice.

Lastly, but most important, be in control of your own sex life. If he is not going to give you oral sex, he doesn't get any from you! There is absolutely no way any woman should tolerate this kind of behavior in a man. Tell him he either changes, or hits the road. Life is too short to put up with immature boys like this.

Several years ago, when I was divorcing my first wife, I made friends with a couple who had recently married. He was #3 for her, and she was #2 for him. They made it clear to me that the day did not start without them making love, and usually ended doing the same thing. It was nice to meet a couple who was not dysfunctional when it came to sex. After the divorce, she tried to fix me up with several women, which proved to be blind dates from Hell, but that is another story. I started dating my second wife, and one day, he said to me, "I have never asked you about your sex life, because you obviously were not dating anyone when we first met. But, I want to tell you something now that you should know. Its this: Any guy who gives good head can take any woman who is married or dating a guy who does not give good head away from him in a heartbeat!" We both laughed, and I assured him that was not a problem. I told him I was a Trombone Player. He asked me what that had to do with anything. I told him, " Why, everyone knows that Trombone players make the best lovers. We have the longest slides, and we triple tongue is Bass Clef!" ( Thought you might like a short glimpse into "Guy World!") We both laughed, and when the 4 of us were together, I told my gf what he had told me. I also told both women what I had told him. We all laughed, and then my gf assure his wife that what I had said was true! That got perhaps the biggest laugh, and solidified a friendship that has lasted many years. ( For the record, I don't have " the longest slide", but I do triple tongue in Bass Clef!) Because I have never known a woman as a lover who did not enjoy oral sex, I think there is a large degree of truth to what my friend told me. I can't say I know many women who openly admit having left one man for another because of oral sex, but I know several couples who divorced because she refused to give him oral sex!

Keep us posted.

thanks for that, very informative. but i must let you know that i have always shaved my "area", and i've masturbated since i was a child, so i know neither of those are the issue, i know what i want. However, just because i know what i want does not mean he does, so i really should verbalize more. although i will have to wait a bit to let you know how it goes, since he is in asia for a few months. I do have another question about our lovemaking: it seems the only way he can come is when i am on top(and sometimes in the shower), which i don't mind, but it does get routine after awhile, since we always go back to the same position in the end. that doesn't really excite me...i like sex in wierd positions in wierd places but that is beside the point. I want to know if you have any insight on how i might go about acclimating him to some less routine sex. i would be very thankful