Not Sure What To Do

[Lusha120]

Let me start off by saying that i have a very strong relationship with my husband. We have been together for 7 years and have 4 children the youngest being a year. Life is stressfull. for a while sex became nonexistent. now we have sex about 3 times a week. It has just gotten very routine. Don't get me wrong, it is good sex, just nothing to write home about. I am way into oral (giving and recieving) he used to be too, but now he is only into recieving it. when we first got together I talked him into toys and enjoying sex, even now that has gotten booring. I just spent a ton and replaced all our things because it was time, and i added in a few new ones. (I have never been able to orgasm on my own....ie with out a partner) I bought one of them thrusting vibes to try. he is offended. It is ok for him to masturbate and get off on his own, but i cant (i mean that i litterally can't) I mean DAMN! I realize htat some of that is a psycological thing... after 4 kids in 5 years i have some problems with self image and my new body. But what can i do to spice things up a bit with out offending him again. I just need a sounding board with good logical advice. Talking to him is on the list... he grew up in a devout catholic home and NEVER even saw his parents kiss, so this is hard for him to discuss openly. what to do??????

T

[Mikayla1]

Ok first....calm down, take a breath and realize that your body is YOUR body and that it is a pleasure center for YOU first, your husband second. Masturbation is a natural, normal, healthy part of life and if your hubby does it (and HE DOES) then you should be able to do it, and he should NOT be offended. Let us deal with his resentment first:

The fact is, many men feel that sex toys (especially ones that penetrate) mean they are not doing their jobs. If you were masturbating with your fingers, he wouldn't care - it is the penetration that freaks him out. He is insecure that the "TOY" will do it better than "HIM." This is a normal response. You have to assure him that they toy could never, ever be as good as the real thing. Tell him that you need a personal outlet, time to just "get off" without the worry about him. This is something he should understand. Men masturbate when they are in relationships because it is FOR THEM, ABOUT THEM, and they don't have to worry about pleasuring anyone but THEM. There is NOTHING wrong with that, nor is there anything wrong with a woman doing the same.

Sex toys are so wonderful for solo play or couple play, but sometimes it takes a while to get some men used to them. I know my hubby still pauses when I take especially LARGE toys out of my toy box. He will look at me like, "oh sure, bring out the big guns." As if my using the larger toy in foreplay will mean I won't want him. Sex with a partner is about intimacy, connection, love. Sex with a toy is about ORGASM. You have to make him understand that the best way you can.

Now, let us deal with your lack of ability to orgasm on your own. This is a little backwards, since most women learn to orgasm alone first, then with a partner. No matter, we can get you there. Statistically, most women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm - AND most women will have the best orgasms with penetration AND clitoral stimulation. So, if you have a Dual Action vibe, then get to know it. If not, you can resort to the good ole' finger and your new vibe. Whatever you do, do it by yourself, in a relaxed state, give yourself plenty of time, and just enjoy the feelings.

Masturbation shouldn't be a run for the finish line, it should be about pleasure. Try to find what will do it for you. Find the spot that delivers the goods, stick with it. Slowly tantalize and tease yourself. Clear your mind of any and all thoughts that you shouldn't be doing what you are doing - YOU SHOULD! You have a right to your pleasure, you have a right to feel good, and damnit, you should do it!

So good luck, have fun and I hope things get better for you!

Mikayla

[sexykitty]

i read your topic soon after you posted and i knew i it would be much better answered by Mikayla then I,,,,,,very informative,,,,,,,,much more information then i could have offered you so go with what you have read here and hope it works out well for you

to all the other.....in a past topic i commented on posts and what they include that is not needed and this is an example of a very good post very direct right to the topic and very ittle personal information

this is how they all should be unless otherwise asked

i read your topic soon after you posted and i knew i it would be much better answered by Mikayla then I,,,,,,very informative,,,,,,,,much more information then i could have offered you so go with what you have read here and hope it works out well for you

to all the others.....in a past topic i commented on posts and what they include that is not needed and this is an example of a very good post very direct right to the topic and very little personal information

this is how they all should be unless otherwise asked

JUST FOR THOSE WHO MAY WANT TO KNOW I TRIED TO EDIT MY FIRST POST AND FOR SOME REASON I CANT DO SO WITHOUT MAKING IT A QUOTE.......SORRY........I JUST WANTED TO CORRECT SPELLING ERRORS NOT MAKE IT A QUOTE OR ANOTHER POST,,,,,,,,,,,,,BE KIND STILL NEW AT THIS LOL