Cheating?

[elektra]

i wouldnt even give him the experience of getting hit with a baseball bat from me!

i wouldnt give him a reaction really, he doesn't deserve one haha NO ONE CHEATS ONE ME lol

i would just walk way, he doesnt respect me enough to be faithful, he doesnt get my respect in an answer or beating lol

i would just be like "oh. okay. bye" walk away

[Sunday]

The big thing about her is that when we were first getting together, she had never had a real boyfriend before. She never found anyone worth it, and was afraid everyone was just using her after she had a couple of bad things happen. One of the first things I learned about her is that she has trouble standing up for herself, and telling people no. One guy kept sending her nude pics prior to us dating, asking her to show her friend, which I found awkward. Another guy from out of town kept confessing his mistake of not going for her, and while she never said much about it, it took me finally getting angry, for her to yell at that guy. Her way of dealing with it was always ignoring it, or blowing it off, with everything.

It was great going over 6 months without having to deal with any of these random guys popping up, and then the worst one of them all came back. Sure, he did nothing wrong that I know of, but it still brought back a lot of my insecurities. In my heart though, I honestly want her to be able to talk to her friends, even if guys like this. The problem is she has to show me enough proof that nothing is going on. In my brain, I trust her, but I still get unsettling feelings about it all, just because I know what could be happening, but I have a past of being paranoid. She knows now if I know whats going on, whats being said for a while, I can start to trust her without any problems again, and that is what our nice, long talk was about.

Im with her all the time, so I feel that if something had happened, I would have caught onto something. I know this girl cares about me a lot. She told me how much I make her happy, because she was depressed before me due to a lot of family issues. Her family loves me for the most part. I do everything to help this girl, and she enjoys a lot of the same activities I do, so we have a lot of fun together. She mentioned taking things slower a long time ago, and even taking a break. I listened to her rules about it, and what she wanted to do, but it didn't last. She wanted to see me less. She wanted to back off with the sex and intimacy, but it didn't work. We were still going at it a lot, and closer than ever. We love being around each other. When she mentioned going on the break, she knew she wasn't going to leave me. And if we ever split, I was told I would be her booty call for life, which actually made me feel great. Still, I just want to know if you all think I am stupid for still being around this girl.

You seem like a very sensitive, thoughtful guy. I would be very apprehensive of this situation. It seems to me she is either not that into you or she is afraid/not ready to commit to a relationship. The thing about not being able to end it with the people from her past would worry me. How would you know if she ever wanted to end it with you? My guess is she will either grow into the relationship and it will get more solid or she'll hang on, not really into it but not really out of it either. Being in a relationship where she isn't into it, but is hanging on for whatever reason would be my worst nightmare. I wish you luck.

[Tyger]

Hmmm, interesting points mentioned here.

I guess for me, so much as to do with honesty. If SO is having a flirty chat with someone and I know it and he doesn't try to hide it, then it is just flirting. Heck, I am a major flirt and I don't mean anything by it, so I can understand. However, if he has a conversation with a woman about ... say, the weather, and he hides it from me, then I have a major problem with it. To me, if he is trying to hide it, then HE feels it is wrong. If it is just talk or chat, and he feels it is wrong, then there is something more there than flirting or having fun.

And this is a two-way street. Ex-FWB and I have reason to have to talk often. I have no problem sitting right in front of SO and talking with ex-FWB on the phone. Why? Because I KNOW nothing is going on and I have nothing to hide. I chat with male friends online with SO sitting right next to me and I am perfectly fine with him looking over and reading what I am saying. I even have one chat friend who will tell me that if SO messes up, he is going to come steal me away. I don't have a problem with SO reading that and my reply is generally something like "thanks, I will keep that in mind, but all is well with SO."

Now, with LOL being an invitation, I get was J is saying. I think it depends on what the LOL is in response to. If ex-FWB sent me a text that said he misses Ms. Puss and wants to visit me at work so we can sneak away to the back room, then yeah, LOL could be seen as an invitation to that. Not that he would send that message, but if he did, I think the proper reply would be to nip in the bud right then with a definite NO. If, however, I got that message from the guy who lives two states away and who I have never met face-to-face, well then an LOL would be an OK reply. Make sense?

I guess with all of this, it all depends on the relationship(s) and the intent. I do not believe there is a right or wrong answer or a one-size-fits-all answer to these types of questions.

I totally agree with this.

[Pierre]

You seem like a very sensitive, thoughtful guy. I would be very apprehensive of this situation. It seems to me she is either not that into you or she is afraid/not ready to commit to a relationship. The thing about not being able to end it with the people from her past would worry me. How would you know if she ever wanted to end it with you? My guess is she will either grow into the relationship and it will get more solid or she'll hang on, not really into it but not really out of it either. Being in a relationship where she isn't into it, but is hanging on for whatever reason would be my worst nightmare. I wish you luck.

Its not so much people from her past. She doesn't really have much of a past, and that kind of leads me into the not committing thing. She was never one to try for a real relationship, because she never thought one could work during high school years (surprisingly a lot of people marry high school sweethearts). So we both were out of school when we met, and she had like one, short relationship, that's it. And a fling or two, nothing major. So I would say that being with her as long as we have, its not something where she is unsure of the relationship. Her issue wasn't cutting ties to past relationships obviously, but rather, thinking a guy who was attracted to her wasn't any more, when he really was. Once she would know the truth, as I tell her the truth or she finds out, she would say what needs to be said.

I really don't want her to cut ties with friends at all, I will feel just horrible. At the same time, I know there are certain types that need to go, or I will go.