Troubled

[Sunshine Sam218]

For awhile I've been with my boyfriend, thoughts of woman has always been on my mind. I think the more I ignore the fact that I'm constantly thinking about it, it comes back stronger than ever. I've never been a type of a person to label my sexuality but my thoughts has always been there. In my free time when I'm not with my boyfriend, I always find myself watching lesbian porn and masturbating to it. I've only kissed a few girls but I've never went farther than that. Sometimes when I do watch lesbian porn, I feel guilty cause I should be thinking about him. I do think about him and I care a lot about him, I'm very happy were together. I'd never cheat on him ever, I can tell the more and more were together my feelings towards him are getting stronger. Could it be that I'm afraid of him hurting me and I just don't know it? I don't feel afraid or worried in the slightest or it could be that my desire for woman is getting a lot stronger. So many questions I ask myself and I can't come up with any answers. I could be over exaggerating a bit about the theory but it troubles me a lot. Could anyone please help me out, I'd appreciate it a lot.

[sun_flower969]

Listen it could be something it could be nothing! I had thoughts like that too! I would fantasize about women or scenes in porn sure! You have to ask yourself, if you were able to be with a woman in real life would you? Could you? I know my answer is no! It is an erotic turn on to watch but IRL (to me) not so much. If you think you want to explore that side of you then talk to your BF! Weigh it all out! ...but don't beat yourself up for fantasizing! You aren't cheating on him! It's ok and normal! Think it through!!

[Sunshine Sam218]

Thank you for your help. I've been fantasizing about woman ever since I was younger. Could I ever be with a woman? Well honestly I've never found that woman I guess, I go by chemistry and if I feel sexually aroused by that person. Has a woman made me feel that way? Yes in the past but none of them had any interest for me which hurt me a lot. My boyfriend turns me on a lot, I'm still telling him about what I like and telling him how I like things when he's pleasing me. He knows that I think woman are attractive and he fine with it. Would I ever do anything with a woman while dating him? That's a definate "No" cause I think it would be very unfair to him. I guess it just confused me cause for so long now I've been trying to figure out in my head. Am I bi curious, am I bisexual, what am I? It's been confusing me for so long now. Now I know I'm not a lesbian because I love men, but woman also interest me as well, I've just never found a woman that had any interest in me or desire to be with me.

[Tyger]

I will mirror Sun's response to you. You are NOT cheating on him just by looking at lesbain porn. Hey, just think of it as something you can view together. Most men that are as open as what you've told me he is, would love to watch almost any kind of porn with you. I watch girl on girl porn alone, and with my hubby.

I admire your commitment to this guy, and I would just go with that. You can't help whom your attracted too, whether it's male or female. You haven't found the gal that turns you on and that is turned on by you, and that's fine. Even openly bisexual people (just ask Mikayla) say that when they're in a relationship with a certain sex, that's the person they're committed too, and gender usually has nothing to do with it, it's the PERSON that they (and I have a feeling you too) are attracted too.

So, stop beating yourself up about this. You need to try to accept WHO you are, and love yourself for it.

[Mikayla1]

OK, let me try to lend some light here. As a bi-sexual woman, I can say I understand the feelings. I knew, very, very early on in my life that I 'liked' other girls. I wanted to hold hands, kiss them, feel them. As I became a teenager, I had sexual feeling for both boys AND girls. I wanted to kiss both, touch both, be touched by both. I distinctly remember being a bit confused by it, but just assumed it was normal.

In adulthood, I tried women - I felt comfortable, relaxed, aroused. I was equally at 'home' being with a woman sexually as I was men. This is rare though, to have an equal attraction and desire for both. Most have a stronger preference for one or the other. I always say, 'I fell in love with a man, could have just as easily been a woman!'

So, what does all this mean? You know yourself. We all do. You may just be curious - but you do have a semblance of desire, right? Don't you owe it to yourself to find out? You may be lesbian, you may be bi-curious, you may be bi-sexual. Whatever the label is, if you have felt the need to look more into it, then maybe you should.

As for the porn and your boyfriend. We are all turned on by different things. Porn is a fantasy. There is no rule that says 'you must think of your bf during porn' - quite the opposite I would argue. Do you think HE thinks of YOU when HE watches porn? NO. He thinks of the women - and that is how it should be. This is NOT cheating, this is fantasizing.

If you do care about him, then maybe you should explore this urge before you get too invested with him. Just my thoughts on the subject. Good luck, and remember, always be true to yourself.