6 years ago, i started chatting with a guy i met in a chat room.
we have talked on and off for 6 years, his net would get cut off, or his work would get him too busy or tired to chat.
His wife would get nosey and start trouble etc.
but it never failed, he would always find me and chat with me.
he and i have talked eiher on the phone or online for no less than 5 years.

recently, his company went out of buiness, and will be closing soon.
his wife did not like the idea, and divorced him.
thank god, she was a real pain.

anyways, he recently contacted me again, we caught up on whats what, he has some vaca time coming up, and hes going to come out here to see me!
i am so jazzed, i cant even begin to expalin it.

hes always been very honest and open with me.
we have discussed things online that i have never discussed with anyone else.
parenting, life, work, love, hopes, fears, dreams, sex, past experiances, likes, dislikes, you name it.

i dunno if it was just because i thoght i would never actually see him face to face, so my true self came out, or what.
i dunno, all i know is that i am really excited abotu his visit.

we have discussed our " relationship" and he says its not just about the sex, we both think that there may be something more to this whole thing other than enjoyng the comapny and the attention.

so, we both want to find out exactly whats is there.
he says if hes right, it may be over, he may just move down here, he says he wants to take care of the girls and i.

while that is a very thrilling idea, it is also terrifying, i mean, hes everything i could ask for in a guy, and hes real, and hes coming out here to meet me.
i mean the thrilling should be obvious, but what about the terrifying
what if a year or two down the road later? what if he decides that i am not everything he wants? and i have fallen head over heels for him?
that kind of a heart ache will be awful.
yeah, ill cry, get sick, not eat etc, and yeah ill get over it.
but lets face it, i am not getting any younger, and after a while, i will just quit looking for the one.
no one wants to grow old all alone and loney.
but, im almost 40 now, my time is quickly running out.
i need to worry aout other things, like how the heck im gonna pay for college, and how im gonna mke it to next week.

i just keep telling myself, every day that goes by is one day lcoser to him coming out here.
maybe the next time i post an entry, i will know when hes coming out.

oh well.
i think im gonna go to bed early tonight, i have to be up at 5 to be to work by 6.
have a good night yalls.