I will be the first to admit...I am scared shitless right now.

For those of you who actually read my ramblings, know that my last entry was about a guy I have ben chatting with for the last 6 years.
He is coming out here for at least a weeks vacation.

I know it is hard to tell about a person online.
But once you get to talking with someone for a while, you get a general feeling for them.

I know one guy who just wants me to call and masterbatate for him.

Another guy just wants to vent once in a while.
wich is fine with me, I don't mind if someone wants to bend my ear.

This guy though, I am 99 percent positive he is the real deal.

And it scares the hell out of me.

He is honest, he is a hard worker, he understands my quirky sense of humor, he is sexy as hell, he is open minded about a lot of things, and he is willing to put his all into a relationship.
Yeah, there is more about him, TONS more.
But those are the ones that stand out the most.

I have told him about my past, he knows about the bad relationships in my life.
He also knows the consequences of those.

He has been telling me for years that he is not like the others, he has also asked that he be allowed to prove it.

So, your probably sitting there wondering then WHY I am scared to death.
Your probably sitting there reading this going " girl, he sounds perfect, whats the problem?"

Well, stop and think for a minute here...
I have been married twice, and I have been divorced twice.
I have been in more " wham bam thank you ma'am" relationships that Liz Taylor has had husbands.

The last one I was in, I thought he was Mr. Right, problem was, he left as soon as he found out I was going to have his baby.
He broke up with me via an email.
So now I am a single mom of 4 kids.

Yeah this guy even knows that too.
He is ready and willing to take the whole package deal.

I may be strong enough to deal with heartache, and fists pounding into my face, and I can even deal with death and its life altering effects.
But, when it comes to this guy.
I am scared shitless.


I am scared that he may be " the one"
I am also scared of losing him.

Damn, I feel so helpless, I hate feeling like this.